Ending any type of relationship with a narcissist is always a challenge. Whether that person is a friend, romantic partner or relative, it seems like the same basic actions happen often.
A person severs ties with the narcissist in their life. The narcissist is upset, which of course is natural. No one is happy that someone no longer wants them in their life. The problem though is how narcissists handle the situation. Most folks walk away, respect the other person’s boundary & move on however works for them. Narcissists aren’t most folks. Rather than simply walking away, they create chaos.
Many narcissists harass their victims after no contact has been implemented. They don’t leave quietly with their dignity in tact. Instead, they demand to know why the victim ended the relationship. Victims usually tell narcissists why, but they don’t listen. Instead they claim they have no clue why the victim is upset. They may cry or beg the victim to come back. They may rage in an attempt to scare the victim into coming back. If the victim will not speak to them, narcissists have no problem calling, texting, emailing, etc. non stop in an attempt to wear down their victim so he or she will come back to them. Having been on the receiving end of this, I can tell you it can be incredibly unnerving. Anyone who spends so much time focused on making another person’s life miserable in an attempt to force that person to come back to the relationship clearly is not mentally stable.
There is also the notorious smear campaign. Everyone has someone in their life that they don’t have the nicest things to say about. Chances are though, that ruining that person’s reputation isn’t exactly a top priority with you even if that person did you very wrong. Narcissists however, will not hesitate to tell anyone & everyone how terrible their victim is. If they don’t have anything that is negative & true to say, they have no problem creating things to say. They in particular seem to love claiming their victim is mentally unstable. If someone tells you that they have crazy exes, for example, that can be a warning sign you’re dealing with a narcissist. Pay attention to their behavior & you will figure out soon enough whether or not this person is a narcissist.
Narcissists also love to send out the flying monkeys. Their devoted, wicked enablers are more than happy to carry out whatever wishes the narcissist has. This often includes trying to “talk sense” into victims to make them return to the relationship or telling them how horrible they are for doing what they have done to the narcissist.
There is something interesting about all of these scenarios. Not a bit of it makes any sense! Why would anyone want to resume a relationship out of fear or guilt? Yet, narcissists do these things anyway, fully expecting their victims to return to the horrible relationship.
If you end a relationship with a narcissist, you need to be aware that these situations are very likely to happen. Their behavior is often shocking, even when you know it may happen. Narcissists take things to such extremes, it’s hard not to be shocked.
If the narcissist in your life subjects you to these behaviors, remember to block all contact they & their flying monkeys have with you, document everything in case you need it to file charges, & don’t respond to the smear campaign no matter how hard it is. Any acknowledgement that the narcissist is affecting you makes them feel powerful, so they will do the thing that made you react as you did more often. Show them no reaction, block all access & enjoy your life without the narcissist in it!