Tag Archives: hope

Last Minute Mother’s Day Thoughts For Abused Daughters

Good morning, Dear Readers.

As Mother’s Day approaches, I know many of you are suffering, because your mother was (probably still is) abusive.  It doesn’t help that everywhere you turn, commercials, ads & even well meaning but oblivious people are telling you to celebrate your mother tomorrow.  After all, she’s the only mother you’ll ever have, & she won’t be around forever!!

..sighs..

My heart goes out to each of you, & I’m praying for everyone reading this to have peace tomorrow.  I’m sorry for not only the abuse you have endured & continue to endure, but for the guilt trips you undoubtedly hear each Mother’s Day.  Ignore the guilt!  While your mother deserves basic respect because she is your mother, that doesn’t mean you need to praise her endlessly for being a fantastic mother if she wasn’t. 

“But it’ll hurt her feelings if I don’t make a big fuss!”   You may be thinking.  True, but did you ever think that if she wanted you to treat her well, she should have treated you well?  We reap what we sow, according to Galatians 6:7-9.  Your mother is no exception.  If you can’t make yourself buy her an overly sweet, sentimental card & a fancy gift, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or a bad daughter- it means she is reaping what she has sown.  How can sowing seeds of name calling, ridicule, mind games or physical or sexual abuse create a harvest of love, deep respect & the desire to praise?  That’s like planting green beans & expecting a harvest of apples!

Take care of yourself, Dear Readers, & don’t forget to be good to yourself tomorrow!  Whether or not you have children, chances are you mother someone.  A niece, nephew, a friend or neighbor’s child or even pets like me.  Do something nice for YOU!  Tomorrow & every day.  ❤

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

Why You Can’t Just ‘Get Over’ C-PTSD

I am having a really, really bad day today. I am depressed, tired & can’t even focus on the simplest things. Even writing this simple entry is already a challenge for me. I have no desire to do anything, even the things I enjoy the most, like reading or knitting. This happens sometimes- I call it a bad C-PTSD day. Days like this remind me just how serious this disorder is. I have no control over these days- they just happen when they want to or following some especially stressful event, & are as debilitating as they want to be. I absolutely hate not having control over my emotions! I’ve always had extreme control over them, & when I don’t, it scares me. It’s just one more frustrating part of C-PTSD.

C-PTSD & PTSD are much more than just bad thinking patterns- they mean that trauma has physically damaged the brain. Trauma can cause neurological changes in your brain! If you have PTSD or C-PTSD, &…
-your short term memory isn’t what it used to be, that is because the hippocampus actually shrinks. That is the part of your brain that is responsible for short term memory.
-you have trouble finding the right words, that is because the prefrontal lobe, which is responsible for language, is affected by trauma.
-you have problems regulating your emotions, that is because your amgydala has enlarged. The amygdala is responsible for regulating emotions, & when it is in “overdrive” for a long time, it actually enlarges.
-you always feel afraid, that is because your medial prefrontal cortex (responsible for fear & emotional responses) doesn’t regulate well after trauma.

When I read things online saying faith in God will “get you over” PTSD/C-PTSD, or “you can’t live in the past forever,” or “Think positive thoughts!” I want to read the above list of brain damage caused by trauma to the person saying those things. If “getting over it” was only so easy! No amount of positive thoughts can fix the physical damage of C-PTSD. And, because I have it doesn’t mean I’m living in the past, constantly thinking of the traumatic events I’ve experienced. I don’t think of them often, in fact. As for faith in God? I absolutely believe God can heal anyone from C-PTSD, all things are possible with Him. However, I’ve learned something about God- although He doesn’t put it on anyone to suffer, He can use my suffering to help other people. He has used so much of what I’ve learned since developing C-PTSD to help others who suffer with it too. And, since mine developed from an abusive childhood at the hand of a narcissistic mother, I’ve also been able to share what I’ve learned about narcissistic mothers as well, helping many other people. Good has come from this awful disorder!

If you too, live with PTSD or C-PTSD, please remember what I’ve said, or print it out (that’s what I’ve had to do since I can’t remember it). It is an actual physical injury to your brain. You can’t just get over it, so be patient & understanding with yourself, & don’t let anyone make you feel bad for having this disorder! ❤

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

My First Post As A Guest Blogger

Here is the link…  🙂

http://wordpress.com/read/post/id/60403795/2710/

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism, Welcome To My Blog!, Writing

Website Changes

I’ve added a bunch of new information to my website about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and maternal narcissism.  Come check it out!

 

www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com

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You Make A Difference, No Matter What You Do!- January 3, 2014

Good afternoon & happy new year!  I hope you’re enjoying 2014 so far.  🙂

I just thought I’d share a little something…

A few days ago, I was so frustrated with myself.  I want to finish the book I’ve been working on for a while, but I am having such trouble writing it!  I can think of where I want the story to go, but can’t seem to get that from my mind to the document.  My brain just doesn’t work like it once did thanks to Comlex PTSD, & it is so frustrating.  Add in the stress associated with the holidays, & I’ve really had a rough time trying to write.  I’ve barely touched the book in weeks because of this. 

I was praying about it the other day & God spoke to my heart something that I believe may benefit you as well as it did me. 

I told God I don’t want to be just a housewife- I feel useless.  It’s bad enough I was forced out of the work force when I was 19, but I thought I could at least write.  It’s a job, & it’s something I enjoy to boot.  Lately though?  It’s been frustrating & unproductive.  (Yes, I was whining.. I admit it!)  God spoke to my heart in that knowing feeling as He always does & reminded me that although I’m currently not cranking out lots of books, I’m taking care of 9 of His precious cats & 1 dog, which means the world to them, as well as to Him.  If it wasn’t for my husband & I, these sweet furbabies might not be alive today.  (Not trying to brag at all here- just stating facts.  Most of our cats were feral, & our dog was rescued from a puppy mill.)  Ok, I’m not saving all of the animals in the world, but I’m helping 10 of them, which is pretty good!  Including my precious cat, Pretty Boy, who has diabetes & liver problems & many people would have euthanized him long ago.  Instead, God entrusted him to my care & that of an absolutely awesome vet, & he is thriving in spite of his health concerns! 

God also reminded me that writing in this blog helps people- to know they aren’t alone, or aren’t the only one experiencing certain things.  Going through what I do with Complex PTSD is helping others to learn that they may also have this disorder, or, if they are unsure what is wrong, discussing my experiences may help them to understand what is going on.  I also share what helps me, which in turn helps others.  

If you too are feeling useless, or like you don’t make a difference, I believe God wants me to tell you the same thing He told me- little things do make a difference.  Don’t underestimate yourself!  Even if the only thing you do all day is smile at a stranger on the street, that makes a difference!  For all you know, that person could be contemplating suicide, & your smile showed him that someone really DOES care that he exists.  If you still are in doubt, ask God to show you how you’re making a difference, & what your purpose is (or I should say, purposes are- we all have many purposes!).  And remember, purposes can change.  For example, you may be called to be a wife & mother, but those children will grow up one day.  Then your purpose will change.

Just remember, you are loved & special, & no one can fill your shoes.  You are valuable to God, & to your fellow man! 

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Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health

September 6, 2013

Good morning, Dear Readers!

I just came across this symptom tracker this morning on a page for people living with PTSD/C-PTSD. It looks quite helpful. It keeps track of your mood, activities, sleep patterns & so much more. It can be printed out (handy for those of you seeing a counselor). I downloaded it- figured it could be interesting & hopefully helpful. I hope it helps you too!

http://www.findingoptimism.com/

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September 6, 2013 · 10:17 AM

August 31, 2013

Happy Saturday!! Wishing everyone a great weekend!

I know it’s been a while since my last post- I apologize.  I’ve been having a rough time lately.  The C-PTSD has been bad, plus my kitty, Pretty Boy, has been having issues with the diabetes.  Hoping we have things more straightened out, & a slight change in his insulin dose will fix him right up.  Waiting on the vet for more info though.  

In case you haven’t seen it yet, come check out the new group I created here on facebook.. I look forward to seeing you there. 🙂

https://www.facebook.com/groups/FansOfCynthiaBaileyRug/

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August 6, 2013

Good news!  My newest book, “You Are Not Alone!” for daughters of abusive mothers is almost ready for publishing!  I have about half of it left to edit, then I will publish it!!  I am hoping to get it done tomorrow.  🙂

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October 4, 2012

Good evening, Dear Readers!  

This has been one productive week for me.  I have made tremendous progress on the new book!  Today alone, I wrote almost 7,000 words, plus did some editing on previously written things.  The book is at 125 pages at the moment, with more to come.  I would guess it will be somewhere around 180 or so when it is finished.  Not the longest book you’ll ever read, but I am hoping among the best…

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