Tag Archives: idea

Thinking Of Making Some Changes

Lately, I’ve been thinking.  (Scary huh??  lol)

I really would like to be able to expand the topics I write about.  In all honesty, I’m tired of thinking so much about narcissism.  Not that I want to quit writing about it entirely of course- I’d just like to talk about other things sometimes too.  Be a bit more diverse

I’ve asked God to guide my writing.  I ask God to show me what to write about (admittedly, probably not as often as I should..) which is where my blog & book subject matters come from.  I’m going to be praying more about this topic though & would appreciate your prayers as well.  I’m sure this urge to cover other topics isn’t only me- it’s God guiding me, probably preparing me for something else that is on its way.

I’ve started a little.. I’ve decided once my current book on recovering from narcissistic abuse is done, my next book project will be finishing the fiction book I started a few years ago.  That book is maybe one third done..it’s time to finish it.

I also added some information about my experiences with carbon monoxide poisoning on my website.  I’ve read a lot about it since I went through it last February, & what has struck me as truly sad is how many others who have been through it feel so isolated.  People don’t seem to grasp just how serious & horrible it is to live with the disruptive symptoms.  Writing about it is my attempt to help these people feel less alone, & less crazy.  It also seems to have helped me a little to write out my experiences.  (Bonus for me!)  If you know someone who has suffered through carbon monoxide poisoning or you would care to read it, then click this link:  http://cynthiabaileyrug.com/Carbon-Monoxide-Poisoning.php

Maybe I could write some about natural/herbal things.  I know many people associate such things with casting spells & such, but I don’t.  I believe God created herbs & plants with the properties they have for a reason & for our use.  Why shouldn’t we benefit from them?  I love herbal remedies & beauty recipes.  I’d love to share what I know as well as learn from others.

If there are other topics you would like me to write about, I’m open to suggestions.  I may not use them, it will depend on what I believe God wants me to do, so please don’t be offended if I don’t write about what you suggest.   Anyway feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments of this post, or email me at:  CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com  I look forward to hearing from you!  🙂

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Filed under Miscellaneous, Writing

July 14, 2013

Hello, Dear Readers!  I pray this post finds you well today.

This is going to be a hard post to write for me.  It’s just not very positive.  Just warning you ahead of time.

First, please pray for my friend & her family.  My friend’s sister passed away last night.  She & her sister had a very difficult relationship, so I’m sure the grieving process will be a challenging one for her.  Although she is not a Christian, she’s a practicing Pagan, she does appreciate prayers, so I know she will be grateful for any & all prayers said for her in this trying time.  Also please pray for those affected by this lady’s death.  Thank you!!

Secondly, I need to write this out, I think because God wants me to be less ashamed of having C-PTSD & be more open about it to help others, as I have mentioned before.  Also as I have mentioned before, I am a very private person, so this is very hard for me to do.  I sure hope this helps you!

Yesterday my husband & I went out shopping & out to breakfast.  This should have been a lovely time, but instead, it wasn’t.  I constantly fight agoraphobia (fear of public places), & it was bad yesterday.  Usually when I am with someone, it isn’t as bad, but yesterday it was bad even with my husband.  I ended up in tears at breakfast out of the sheer frustration of it all, & am still exhausted today.  That is so rare, showing my emotions like that in a public place- I am usually good at hiding them.  Things like that are why I get so angry when people tell abuse survivors to “get over it” or “shake it off.”  If only it was so easy!!!!  I would love just to shake it off- I hate living with C-PTSD!

Agoraphobia started for me in 1996 when my Grandmom died.  I couldn’t figure out for a long time why it started, & I finally asked God what was going on with this.  He told me I’ve always felt I needed to be invisible, & that started early in childhood.  Then right after Grandmom died, my husband & I were at his parents’ home.  He told his mother about my loss, & she changed the subject.  She’s never liked me, so me losing someone I loved meant nothing to her.  Her lack of caring somehow cemented in my mind that I need to be invisible, & part of that is feeling like I shouldn’t even be in public- I should be out of sight.  Once God showed me this, I was able to get a handle on the agoraphobia for several years.  Not perfect, but pretty good.  

Last year is when I started showing so many signs of C-PTSD.  And shortly after, the agoraphobia returned with a vengeance.  I haven’t been able to get it under control at all.  I had a panic attack in Macy’s yesterday because my husband was out of my sight for a moment.  

Today I did some research online, looking for answers.  I was wondering if it’s a part of C-PTSD (I learned it often is, probably because the anxiety regulating part of the brain is damaged) & how to cope. Practicing mindfulness & taking anti-anxiety meds before leaving home was all I found for coping tips.  I hadn’t thought to take a valerian pill before leaving (I chose the herbal route rather than drugs), but I haven’t found mindfulness to be overly helpful.  I also try to minimize outings, only go out alone on the rare occasions I can handle it otherwise I go out with another person, & get what I need all in one store rather than several whenever possible.

Does anyone have any other suggestions??

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health