Narcissistic abuse is a horrible thing in so many ways. It can ruin a person’s faith in God because many narcissists twist God’s word around to justify their abusive ways. It can ruin a person’s financial stability because narcissists feel entitled to their victim’s money & credit cards. It can destroy a person’s self-esteem since narcissists are notorious for doing that as a way to gain control over their victims. Narcissistic abuse also can make a person feel like their crazy, because narcissists love either implying or saying outright that their victims are crazy.
Feeling crazy isn’t only due to the direct abuse inflicted by narcissists however. It can come as something of an after effect of the abuse, & that is what we’ll be discussing today.
When you have been abused by a narcissist, your emotions are drastically affected. They can be rather raw due to being so overused by the constant traumatic abuse. Being oversensitive like this isn’t always a bad thing because it can make you very sensitive to & in tune with other people. However, it also can leave you feeling ways that are less than pleasant & even make you doubt your sanity.
One such feeling is envy when those close to you are happy. You don’t think of yourself as being petty, but you get angry at the special people in your life that are experiencing good things happening to them. You aren’t a mean person or naturally envious, so why does this happen? It’s normal to feel this way sometimes when going through a hard time, such as after the death of someone you love. You’re miserable & their joy is a reminder of that. That being said, doesn’t it seem only logical that when experiencing something as horrid as narcissistic abuse you might feel that same way sometimes? It does NOT mean you’re crazy! It means you’ve been through some terrible things & are longing for better times. Just be sure to stay aware of it & don’t mistreat anyone because of how you feel.
Closely related is feeling envious of those with loving, healthy relationships. Growing up with narcissistic parents makes a person feel so many things such as sadness for not having loving parents, grief for their childhood being stolen by their parents & anger for not being safe with those people who were supposed to love them unconditionally to treat them well. Seeing people with loving, attentive, functional parents is a reminder of what you lacked. It can trigger envy. It may make you feel crazy or bad for being so envious, but truly, it’s normal! The same goes for those romantically involved with a narcissist. Seeing a happy couple can trigger envy for what you lacked. That also is very normal!
Another common issue is being angry & overreacting to the smallest things. Narcissists are infamous for angering even the calmest, most laid back of people. They also are infamous for using that justifiable anger to make their victim feel crazy & badly for being angry. Naturally, victims learn to stuff their anger to hide it. This works for narcissists because they know their victims will tolerate about anything they do without complaint. Victims suffer though not only because of the abuse but also because they often lose the ability to show anger in healthy ways. Instead, they get very angry over inconsequential things. Something as simple as losing a pen can trigger rage. Or, someone making an insensitive comment that isn’t even really mean can result in the victim yelling at them. After the victim calms down, they often feel crazy for getting so angry over something so small. The victim isn’t crazy though! They are behaving normally in abnormal circumstances!
If you have experienced feelings like these, please know that there is nothing wrong with you! You aren’t crazy! You are a normal person who has experienced abnormal & horrific abuse. The more you heal, the less you will feel these feelings. Keep learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder & how to heal from narcissistic abuse. Write in a journal & look back over what you learned often, as it will help you to remember what you learned. Most importantly, stay close to God. Let Him help you to heal!
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