Having A Balanced Relationship With Technology

We live in an age where technology rules so much of our lives – where we’re almost never without a phone in our hands or away from some type of screen.  In many ways, technology makes our lives easier.  It enables us to communicate, learn, find entertainment, shop, & so much more.  However, if we’re not careful, technology can take over our lives & dominate our free time.

It can be hard to put down electronics, especially when they can provide us with an escape from the real world.  But, there is a lot of value in spending less time online.

When people spend too much time on their phones & computers, it can lead to a feeling of being disconnected from the real world.  We can become so focused on what we are seeing online that what’s happening around us in the real world doesn’t seem to have as much importance.  This can end up having a negative effect on our mental health, even making us more susceptible to anxiety & depression.

Spending less time on the internet also can help to improve your relationships.  If you spend all of your free time chatting over the internet, you’ll miss out on the real world conversations that are part of our closest relationships.  When you spend time with your loved ones without the distraction of your phone, you will nurture those important relationships. 

The physical health benefits of decreased internet use are also something to consider.  Too much time sitting in front of a screen can lead to neck & back pain, headaches, & more.  Taking a step away from the computer & reading a book, or doing a different activity can be just as fun, if not more fun, than spending time online.

Spending less time online can help us to appreciate the present moment more.  We can get so consumed with what’s going on with our notifications & posts that we forget to appreciate the beauty & joy right in front of us.  Instead of being caught up in what’s happening on the internet, we should be mindful of the little, ordinary moments like enjoying a nice cup of tea, taking in the beauty of a garden or getting in extra playtime with our pets.

Finally, when you forgo spending time on the internet, you can open yourself up to discovering new skills & hobbies as well as exploring new & different experiences.  Or, you can revisit things you once enjoyed doing yet gave up. 

There are some easy things you can do to break the habit of spending so much time online.  Stop reaching for your phone the moment you have any free time.  Instead, pray, pick up a book, reach for a craft project, write in your journal or call a friend.  Also delete those apps you no longer use or are big time wasters. There is nothing wrong with playing a game on your phone, but if that game takes up a lot of your time, it needs to go.  Remember, electronics should serve us, not monopolize all of our free time.

In many ways, technology makes our lives easier. We just need to remember to be careful & not let it take over our free time or even our lives.

Spotting Narcissists Online

A while back, someone who followed my blog disagreed with one of my posts.  She stated why she did, & although I respected her opinion, I saw she took some things I said wrong.  I explained what I wrote, & left my computer for the evening.  The next day, I saw several of my readers understood what I was saying & defended me, including one who got into a rather heated disagreement with the original commenter.  The original commenter stopped following my blog & unfriended me on facebook.  She obviously held me responsible for what other people said that she didn’t like.

A few years before, a similar incident on facebook cost me a 20+ year friendship, so obviously this wasn’t the first time I’ve seen this type of ridiculous, immature behavior.  I’m sure it won’t be the last either.

I realized out of that situation with my blog that this person was a narcissist.  While she shared a great deal of insight in her own blog & facebook, sometimes there were very subtle hints of narcissism.  I thought I was reading too much into it, but as time went on, I saw more & more hints.  For example, when she shared her opinions, she stated them as fact & seemed to have no tolerance for anyone who disagreed with her.  Those people were wrong, period.  She also brags openly about any accomplishments, such as many shares of a blog post or mental health professional agreeing with something she’s said.

Most people don’t jump to ridiculous conclusions.  They don’t read into what you said- they trust that what you said is what you mean, while narcissists find a way to take everything personally.  The long friendship of mine that ended?  We shared a mutual friend, & he told this friend he “read into” what we said on facebook & knew from that how badly we thought of him.  (FYI- mostly what she & I talked about at that time was knitting.  I’m not sure how that meant we hated him.)

Most people also realize that you are going to have different opinions than them sometimes, & are OK with it.  They won’t think “if you aren’t for me, you’re against me”, but instead accept the fact that no two people agree on absolutely everything.  In fact, if they did, it would be very abnormal!  Narcissists however believe you have to share their thoughts, feelings, opinions, likes, dislikes, etc. or else you’re wrong.

Narcissists online also share only about themselves- what they think, what they’re doing, what is happening in their lives & probably plenty of pictures of themselves.  They almost never ask others how they are doing or what is happening in their lives.

They state their opinions as written in stone fact rather than simply their opinion, & won’t listen to the opinions of others or criticize them.  They also demand that you agree with them, because, after all, if you’re not for them, you’re against them!  (at least in their mind)

Spotting narcissists online can be trickier than spotting one in person, but remembering these tips can help you.