When many people hear the word intimacy, sex is the first thing that comes to mind. That is naturally one aspect of it, but there are others as well. You share intimacy with God when you pour your heart out to God in prayer. You share intimacy with your best friend when you tell him or her a secret that you’re too embarrassed to tell anyone else. You share intimacy with your spouse when you both discuss your dreams & try to plan ways to make those dreams come true.
Intimacy with someone who is safe & loving is a wonderful gift!
Unfortunately narcissists know this, & will do their best to mimic intimacy with their victims. They do this as a way to win over new victims. When someone feels a close connection with someone they just met, it lures them in quickly. Naturally this gives the narcissist a prominent place in their life & even control over them.
I wonder if narcissists also mimic intimacy as a way to fill the emptiness inside them. Maybe faking it makes them feel normal on some level, & so many narcissists do have an unspoken desire to feel normal.
In spite of that, narcissists don’t want true intimacy. True intimacy requires thinking of someone other than yourself. That’s not exactly a skill narcissists have or want to have since they believe attention must be focused on them at all times.
True intimacy also means someone can see the real you, not the version of you that just anyone can see. That is a nightmare scenario for any narcissist. Narcissists don’t want anyone other than their victims seeing behind their mask & will do anything to prevent that from happening.
To know if someone trying to be close to you is a narcissist, there are some signs you can recognize.
A person who truly wants an intimate relationship with you will keep your secrets. You know beyond a shadow of a doubt whatever private things you share with them will remain between you both. Narcissists may say they won’t share what you tell them, but chances are excellent they will tell someone.
Along those lines, they also won’t threaten to tell others your secrets or use them to embarrass you. Narcissists absolutely will not hesitate to behave in this cruel way.
They also won’t use what they said against you. For example, they won’t use your fears that no one else knows about to manipulate or control you. They also won’t share the embarrassing secrets you have shared with other people to make you look bad. Narcissists will be more than happy to use any very private & personal information against you either to manipulate, control or embarrass you.
This type of person also won’t judge what you share, no matter how unusual or even strange what you say may be. A safe person may comment that something is rather odd but they won’t think less of you for it. Narcissists absolutely can & do judge every single person. You aren’t the exception. They will treat you this same way.
True intimacy is a wonderful thing. God created us to want it. Sadly, narcissists know people crave it, & that means to them, it is nothing but another tool to add in their arsenal of abuse weapons. If you recognize the signs of a narcissist faking intimacy, protect yourself. Share nothing even remotely personal about yourself with them.
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