Tag Archives: jealous

Narcissists & Envy/Jealousy

I’ve been listening to music today.. a CD my father recently gave me of Conway Twitty’s songs from early in his career.  I remember hearing some of these songs when I was a little girl riding in my father’s car, which is now my car, & they make me smile.

(A little background- I have my granddad’s 1969 Plymouth Fury.  He gave it to my father when his car was stolen in 1975.  My father sold it to a guy who owned a local junkyard in 1979.  In 2005, I went to a flea market & saw a gorgeous ’69 Fury & fell in love.  I assumed it was simply a twin to Granddad’s.  Hubby suggested I leave a note on the car saying I’d love to buy it if the owner wanted to sell.  He did!  After some trouble with our mortgage refinance that had our money tied up briefly, we finally were able to get the car.  The first time my father saw it, he said “That’s my car!  That’s not a twin!”  He soon brought me the VIN from his old records.  We compared it to my car’s VIN & found it to be the same car he owned 30 years before!)

Back to my story…

To this day, my mother does NOT believe that is the same car.  She also will trash my car at every opportunity.  My “favorite” was when she told me, “I would NEVER own a car your granddad owned!  HARUMPH!!!”  I was too angry at the time to think of it, but I wish I’d thought to remind her that she did own a car Granddad owned- this same Fury, for about 4 years.  Also, my father has told me she has told him I’m lying- that isn’t Granddads’s Plymouth.  The VIN doesn’t lie- it’s put on at the factory.  My father couldn’t have known it to recreate it- it’s somewhat hard to read & he never looked at that before bringing me his old car records to compare his VIN to mine.

So why the nastiness?  It’s only a car.  Not like my driving this beautiful old critter affects her in any way, right?  When I thought about it, I realized how cruel my mother can be about other things.  She criticizes my writing viciously, which is one reason I don’t discuss it with her anymore.  She has said it’s “trash no one wants to read” & “a waste of time.”  When I’ve done editing work, “anyone can do that!”  She also viciously insulted my furkids for years, knowing how much I love them.  Why?  I assume because they are very friendly, loving & well behaved.  Her cat?  Hides when people come over & is very skittish.  (I love her cat, but she is very different than mine)

Narcissists are extremely competitive.  They have to be the best, the most talented, the prettiest, the most special.  If you are better, more talented, etc. than them in any way, no matter how trivial, you can count on being criticized.

Does this sound familiar to you?  Is your narcissistic mother this way too?

At first, I know it can be hard to accept.  Normal, loving mothers want what is best for their child, no matter the child’s age.  They want her happy, healthy & successful, even if that means the child does better than the mother.  Narcissistic mothers, as usual, go completely against the norm, making their behavior hard to accept.  Often, their daughters feel they should make their performance “less than” or give up completely in order to please their mothers.

I want to encourage you today, Dear Reader, to enjoy your successes, in spite of your wicked narcissistic mother!  Her jealousy is HER problem not yours!  Enjoy the blessings & talents God has seen fit to bless you with as much as possible.  God wants you to enjoy such things.  That is why He gave them to you!  You must deserve them, too, otherwise He wouldn’t have seen fit to give them to you.

 

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism

You Are Where You Need To Be

It seems like human nature to envy where other people are in life.  Many people envy their friends’ financial status, work position or even their prayer life.  When you’re healing from narcissistic abuse, you also may envy others who seem to be so much farther along in their healing.  I’m not immune to it- I feel the same way sometimes.

The problem though is there is no good reason to feel that way.  If God wanted you to be in the same position as another person, He’d put you there & nothing could stop Him.  God has you where you are in life for a reason.

So what is the reason?  Honestly, I don’t know.  However, I do know that part of the reason is to bless you & to bless others.  I’m not saying God is like a faery godmother, granting wishes.  Instead, He uses things that happen in life, good & bad alike, to help you to learn & grow to be more like Jesus.  And, He uses you to help others to do the same.  Even your mistakes can help others.

I encourage you today, Dear Reader, to stop griping about where you are, & to ask God to help you see the good in it or the good that will come of it.

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Filed under Animals, Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health

I’ve Been Thinking…

Today, I’ve thought a lot about yesterday’s disastrous episode with my parents.  I’m somewhat angry with myself for not handling things better with my mother, but it’s hard to deal with a malignant narcissist.  More like impossible, especially when she is out for blood.  Which led me to think- why was she especially vicious?  I believe jealousy is the answer.
I believe insecurity & jealousy often go together.  A secure person doesn’t feel jealous over the blessings another has, only an insecure person does.  And, those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are extremely insecure.  (That is why they act as if they’re so superior- they’re trying to convince themselves & everyone else how great they are.)  So yesterday, my mother’s friend set the wheels in motion to trigger my mother’s insecurities & jealousy by repeatedly saying how pretty I am.  My mother responded first by cutting this lady off each time she said it.  Once she left, my mother told me she is, “very slow,” & “not very bright.”.   I only can assume to discredit the validity of the complements.  Obviously, what she thinks doesn’t matter since she isn’t smart.  Funny- she seemed nice, caring & even intelligent to me.  Anyway, as I posted yesterday, the rest of our time together was a disaster. 
This type of situation has happened many times. I go out with my parents, they see someone they know, that person complements me or nice to me, then the rest of the visit with my mother is full of nastiness.
Jealousy isn’t pretty, is it?
It’s mind boggling too.  I don’t see why my mother is so jealous of me, but she obviously is.  It’s sad, but mostly maddening.  I am so tired of not so much her lack of love & approval, but the constant reminders from her that I’m just not the daughter she wanted in any way, shape or form.  They hurt!
I was hoping as I wrote this, I might gain some insight on how to cope with the malignant narcissistic mother’s jealousy & hopefully help others as well as myself.  Unfortunately, nothing new came to me.  Distance & reinforcing healthy boundaries are the only ideas I have. 
If your narcissistic mother treats you the way mine treats me, just know you aren’t alone.  I understand your pain & frustration.   ❤ ❤

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism