Tag Archives: lie

Lies Narcissists Tell

Narcissists rely greatly on lies.  Their lies help narcissists not only maintain the image of themselves they want other people to see, but also they help them to abuse their victims.  Today, I would like to address some of their big lies they don’t want to get out.

Narcissists are necessary to live a good life, or so they say.  Narcissists love to make their victims feel like without them, the victim wouldn’t succeed at all.  The truth however is much different.  The truth is without them, victims will succeed & be much happier.  If you consider your life with & without the narcissist involved, no doubt you will see a LOT of differences.  Your life without the narcissist was much better, wasn’t it?

You aren’t really the problem in the relationship.  Narcissists love to lay the blame for all problems in the relationship on their victim, but you know what?  That isn’t true!  The problems in relationships boil down to the narcissist, every single time.  They make the choice to abuse, & to push victims’ buttons relentlessly until they blow up.  Victims respond in perfectly understandable ways in these situations.  That doesn’t make any victim the problem in the relationship.

The narcissist also lied about how other people see you.  Narcissists love to tell victims that other people see them as bad, abusive, mentally unbalanced & more as a way to isolate them.  If a narcissist can convince their victim that everyone sees them a certain way, then chances of that victim looking to others for help or others telling the victim that the narcissist is abusing them are very slim. 

They say you’ll never find someone who loves you as much as the narcissist.  Narcissists love to tell their victims that no one could ever love them like the narcissist “loves” them.  My ex husband told me that once, & you know something?  He was right!  I haven’t been in any other relationship with anyone who “loved” me like he did, & that is a wonderful thing!  The only other person who will love you like the narcissist has is another narcissist.  Functional people will love you in ways that don’t destroy your self esteem, identity, peace of mind, finances, life…

Whatever the narcissist said about you was wrong.  I know, it can be very hard to believe this after the narcissist drilled certain things into your mind, but I promise you, it’s true.  They don’t take the time to get to know their victims well, so they truly don’t know their victims, even though many will say they know the victim better than the victim knows himself or herself.  Narcissists also work hard to convince their victims that they are stupid, ugly, lazy, worthless & much more as a means to gain control over them by ruining their self esteem.  There is not one grain of truth in any of the terrible things the narcissist told you about yourself.

I pray this list of some of the secrets narcissists have helps you to see the truth, & be happier & healthier.

4 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

Betrayal Is More Than Infidelity

Betrayal is an extremely painful & confusing experience.  The worst part is that it doesn’t come from strangers or acquaintances.  It comes from those closest to you.


Betrayal takes many forms.  Betrayal can mean being unfaithful to your partner or course, but it also can mean lying, hiding information that you need to know, prioritizing someone else over you when it should be the other way around or using or taking advantage of you.  It even can mean defending someone who has wronged you instead of supporting you.  Betrayal is incredibly painful,& no matter what form it takes, it can leave you feeling hurt & confused. That being said, you can heal from the pain of betrayal.

The most important step in healing from betrayal is to seek help from God.  When it comes to betrayal, it can be easy to feel like no one can understand what you are going through.  It is important to remember that God knows & understands every emotion that you are feeling.  He will not judge you for feeling hurt & betrayed, & He will be there to listen & provide comfort when you need it.  You can talk to God about your feelings, & He will provide you with the strength to cope with the betrayal.

It can also help to read God’s Word to receive comfort & guidance. His Word is full of stories of people who have gone through betrayal & have been able to find strength & solace in God. Reading these stories can help you to feel less alone & to understand that God is with you on this journey.

God is the ultimate healer & comforter, & He will be glad to help you to find the strength & courage to heal & to move forward.  Pray & ask God to help you to forgive, to heal, & to find the peace & strength you need to move on when necessary.

When you’ve been betrayed, it’s important to take the time to recognize & process your emotions.  It can be tempting to ignore your feelings or try to rush through them, but that is counter-productive.  Instead, allow yourself to really sit with your emotions, whatever they may be.  Don’t judge or criticize how you feel.  Just accept how you’re feeling & give yourself whatever time you need to fully process your emotions.  If you need to, write about your feelings in a journal, or talk to a trusted friend.

When it comes to processing your emotions, it also can be helpful to remember that it’s ok to be angry.  Anger is a valid emotion & it’s ok to express it in a healthy way.  It’s also ok to cry.  Crying can help to release some of the built-up emotion & tension, & is incredibly healing.

Another important step in healing from betrayal is to re-evaluate the relationship with the person who has betrayed you.  If someone has betrayed you, & then repeated that behavior even after knowing that it has hurt you or betrayed you in a different way, then it’s time to re-evaluate that relationship.  This can be hard, especially if it’s a close family member or friend, but it’s important to remember that your own wellbeing should always come first.  Always remember – someone who knowingly hurts you, especially repeatedly, doesn’t deserve your love & loyalty.

No matter what form betrayal has taken, it can be incredibly painful & confusing. But, with God’s help & by taking the time to recognize & process your emotions, you can heal & move forward.

2 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Enjoying Life, For My Younger Readers, Mental Health, Narcissism

How Narcissists use Gossip To Achieve Their Goals

Gossiping is one of the worst things you can do to someone.  Whether it’s intentional or not, spreading rumors, lies, & other confidential information can have a devastating effect on relationships.  Proverbs 17:9 in the Amplified Bible says, “He who covers & forgives an offense seeks love, But he who repeats or gossips about a matter separates intimate friends.”  Unfortunately, gossiping is a common tactic used by narcissists to achieve their goals.

Narcissists want their victims to be isolated because it helps them to manipulate & control their victims when there is no outside interference.  They know that if their victims are surrounded by people who know the truth, their lies & manipulations will be exposed.  To avoid this, they use gossip to turn people against each other & create division.  This isolation helps to keep their victims in a state of powerlessness & confusion.  Today, we’ll look at how narcissists use gossip to achieve their goals of separation & control.

Narcissists use gossip to spread lies & rumors about their victims.  They may tell one person one thing about their victim & then another person something completely different.  This creates confusion & misunderstanding between the people who have been gossiped about.  It also serves to further isolate the victim from their friends & family.

The lies & rumors that narcissists spread about their victims are hurtful & damaging.  They may accuse their victims of things they didn’t do or spread rumors about their personal lives.  This can make it difficult for the victim to be taken seriously or even believed by people who believe the gossip.

Narcissists also use gossip to discredit their victims or make them look bad.  They may spread rumors about their victims’ shortcomings or flaws in order to make them look bad.  This can make it extremely difficult for the victim to get the help & support they need which can make it difficult for victims to trust others or form meaningful relationships.

Narcissists may also use gossip to discredit people who could potentially challenge their power or control.  They spread rumors about these people in order to make them look bad & ruin their reputation.  This allows the narcissist to maintain their power & control in the situation.

Finally, narcissists also use gossip to gain attention & power.  They may spread rumors & lies about their victims in an attempt to gain the attention & admiration of others.  They may also use gossip to manipulate & control their victims.  They may use gossip to turn people against each other or even to manipulate their victims into doing what they want.

Narcissists are experts at using gossip to get what they want, & sadly this tactic often works & has devastating effects on their victims.

Gossip is a powerful tool.  It’s important to be aware of how gossip can be used negatively & to protect yourself & those you love from its damaging effects.

No matter how tempting it may be to gossip, it’s important to remember that it can have serious consequences.  Be mindful of what you say & keep Proverbs 17:9 in mind.  By doing so, it will help you not to participate in such a harmful activity & it will help you not to assist a narcissist in their cruel games.

Leave a comment

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

Combating A Narcissist’s Lies

One thing narcissists love to do to their victims is to tear them down with their words.  If they want to, they can convince a victim that they are simply the most worthless waste of breath alive.  They do this by stating their lies with such conviction & frequency that a victim naturally believes them.  And, once they see their victim believes one lie, they lie again & again in the same way to systematically destroy their victim’s self esteem.

Having been on the receiving end of this treatment, I know how incredibly difficult & painful it is.  Even now, years after my last interaction with a narcissist, I still struggle with self esteem issues that were caused by narcissists lying to me.  Not as often as I once did, but it still happens more often than I’d like to admit.

While I had narcissists in my life, for years I blindly believed their lies.  It was miserable, but they had me convinced they were much smarter than me, so I felt I had to believe them.  How could I not when clearly they were so much smarter than me?!

Eventually though, I realized what they were doing.  It was infuriating but I wasn’t sure what to do about it.  I mean, it’s not like these people would be upset that they hurt me & improve their behavior.  Telling them they were hurting me clearly wasn’t a viable option.  I had to figure out other ways to cope.  I hope what I figured out can help those of you who either are in this position or are coping with having been in it in the past.

The best weapon you can have against a narcissist’s lies is the truth.

When a narcissist criticizes you, it isn’t because they believe what they are saying is true.  It’s because the narcissist is trying to destroy you to make you easier for them to control & abuse.

What a narcissist says about you is NOT true.  They often project their faults onto other people.  This allows them to be upset about those faults while doing nothing to improve themselves.  It also allows them another opportunity to destroy their victims. 

If they aren’t projecting, they are often criticizing things that they envy about you.  Does the narcissist say you’re stupid?  Chances are he envies your intelligence & wants to bring you down to his level.  Does she say you’re too fat or skinny?  Chances are she envies your figure & wished she looked more like you.

Please remember these facts!  They lie for various reasons but the point is they lie & there is no reason to believe anything they have to say about you.

If you are struggling to heal from the lies of a narcissist, there are things you can do.

Ask God to tell you the truth.  Are you what the narcissist said you were?  What does God have to say about what the narcissist said?

Write down the narcissist’s lies.  Seeing things in writing can be incredibly helpful as it brings clarity that speaking doesn’t provide.  Chances are that when you see their words in writing, you’ll realize how ridiculous what they said about you really was.

Remind yourself that you know the truth.  I mean the real truth, not the lies that the narcissist claims to be truth.  And, remind yourself what other people have said about you on this topic.  Chances are excellent that the narcissist will be the only one who says such terrible things about you.  Other people will be much kinder & more accurate.

Leave a comment

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism

Narcissist’s Lies & The Truth

Have you ever noticed out “loud” lies are compared to the truth?

This is especially evident with narcissists & their flying monkeys during their smear campaigns after their victims have ended the relationship.  When they want to convince everyone who will listen that their victim is lying, wrong about everything & even crazy, they pretty much shout it from the rooftops.  They have no problem insulting them to anyone who will listen with blatantly cruel insults or lies.  In the case of covert narcissists, they use fake concern to smear their victims by saying things like, “I’m so worried about him.  He ended our relationship for no reason at all!  But before that, he was so angry at me all the time.  I’m afraid he isn’t mentally stable!”

The loud lies aren’t always during a smear campaign though.  Narcissists will smear their victims to others here & there during the relationship.  My ex husband told his mother I was extremely sensitive & she needed to watch how she spoke to me.  She told me this & we were confused why he said that since it wasn’t true.  He, like many narcissists, was thinking preemptively.  By saying that, I believe the goal was to make his mother think any complaints I had about him were a result of me being oversensitive, not him being abusive.

When the lies are what most people believe, it can be incredibly frustrating!  You often want to scream the truth from the rooftops as loudly as narcissists scream their lies.  Unfortunately, doing that is utterly fruitless.  It seems as if it somehow proves to those who believe the lies that the narcissist is right.  If you’re so angry about what they say, you must be offended by the truth.  If you say the narcissist is wrong, obviously you’re lying about that poor narcissist.  How could you be so mean to him or her?! 

One thing I have learned after watching such events happen over & over again is that the truth WILL come to the surface.  The truth is not like lies.  Lies demand to be heard & acknowledged.  The truth quietly exists, allowing others to believe it or not as they wish.  The situation with my ex mother in-law?  Once she & I began to spend a lot of time together, she quickly realized what my ex husband said was a lie.  There is also the situation with my father.  He portrayed himself as a nice guy, a good old country boy is how I could best describe the image.  No one believed he was anything but that for a long time.  Eventually he barged into my home, demanding my husband let him speak to me, even accusing my husband of abusing me & keeping me from him.  The mask came off that day.  My husband finally realized he wasn’t such a nice guy once he was on the receiving end of some obvious attacks at the hand of my father. 

Whatever the narcissist says to others about you is going to hurt.  Sadly there is no escaping that fact.  However, rather than try to convince others of the truth, it is best to stay quiet.  Refuse to defend yourself.  There is no point & it’ll only frustrate you.  Let people believe whatever they want to believe.  You simply go on about your life & let your good character shine.

The more you heal from narcissistic abuse, the easier this is.  You learn to appreciate greatly truth over falsehood, integrity over sketchy behavior, Godly love over what narcissists call love, those who will stand by you no matter what instead of those who run at the first sign of trouble & more.  You get to a place where the lies may sting, but they won’t devastate you.  Sometimes you can even laugh about the ridiculousness of them.  You also are grateful for those who believe the lies & abandon you because you know they aren’t your people.  They’re the narcissist’s, & you don’t want people like that in your life.  You realize that what is said about you doesn’t define you, so it isn’t important.  You realize there are many more important & wonderful things that deserve your focus much more than the lies spoken by ill informed fools, & you appreciate them. 

So no matter what, keep focusing on your healing & well being.  It is well worth it in so many ways!

5 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism

Control Tactics

Being raised by narcissists, I learned early in life how to be a good victim.  So good, I’ve been in relationships (friends, romantic & even family) with many abusive people.  Not all were narcissists, but they all shared something in common- their need to control me.

 

Not all controlling people are narcissists, but all narcissists are controlling.  Learning to recognize various methods people use to control others can help you to understand what is happening & react accordingly.

 

Coming on too strong.  When you first meet someone & they immediately want to be your best friend or start talking of marriage right away, this is a bad sign.  I once had a friend who upon meeting said we were going to be best friends, & she was extremely controlling.  The same for a man I once dated who started talking marriage within a month of meeting.

 

They expect you to read their minds.  If the person is acting unhappy, you’re supposed to know why & what they want you to do to make it all better.  If you don’t, you aren’t a good friend, you don’t love them, etc.

 

The silent treatment.  Narcissists in particular enjoy this one.  The silent treatment means refusing to speak to you or acknowledge you rather than discuss the problem.  Withdrawing their love is designed to make you feel as if you have done something terribly wrong, & to make you want to make it up to them.  It keeps you off balanced, & until you realize what is happening, working hard to make the person giving you the silent treatment happy with you again.

 

Talking around the problem at hand.  This distraction technique removes your focus from the real problem & puts it wherever the controller wants it.  Usually on you & your flaws, real or imagined.

 

Constant talking.  Narcissists love to brag about themselves  & never tire of  the sound of their own voices.  Other controlling people talk constantly as well.  This tactic keeps the attention on the controller & the victim giving the controller their full attention.

 

Projection.  Accusing a victim of a behavior that the abuser does is projection.  The goal is to change the behavior of the victim.  For example, if the victim is called selfish, the victim will work hard to prove how unselfish she is.

 

Not “walking the walk.”  A controlling person has very definite opinions of things.  For example, your home should be so clean at all times, when you clean it, it’s hard to tell anything was done because it was that clean before you started.  Yet, their house has enough dust on the tables to write your name in, & don’t you dare say a word about it lest you face their wrath.

 

Using guilt trips.  Guilt trips are supposed to make you feel so bad, you’ll never do that action again.  Healthy guilt is a good thing.  It keeps you from doing things like stealing or cheating on your spouse.  You know doing such things would make you feel miserable, so you avoid doing them.  Guilt trips are about control & not necessarily about you doing something bad.

 

Bullying.  Bullies come across quite scary & intimidating.  The truth however is that they are simply cowards.  They try to make themselves look scary by acting intimidating so they’ll get their way.  Refusing to give in often makes them stop their ridiculous behavior.

 

Urgency.  By creating a false sense of urgency, it means the victim feels she has no time to think about things, she must act & act right now.  Urgency eliminates the chance to consider the situation & evaluate choices.

 

5 Comments

Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

Do You Believe People Too Easily?

I was watching one of my favorite shows on the ID channel last night, “Deadly Women.”  It tells stories of women who have killed, many are serial killers.  Interesting stuff when you’re into psychology & crime like I am.  Not to mention, it scares hubby- he swears I watch it to get ideas which entertains me.. lol

One of last night’s stories involved a woman who was married, had a couple of children & her widowed mother lived with her family.  This woman wanted to present the image of being far wealthier than they really were, so she ran up a lot of debt, & continually took money from her elderly mother.  Eventually, her mother stopped giving her money & she ran out of options.  She decided to strangle her mother & attempted to make it look like a suicide.  As soon as her mother was dead, she spent a lot of her mother’s money.  The police figured out what happened & arrested the woman.  The narrator of the story said there was no evidence of mental illness or abuse in this woman’s life.

At this point, my mind was blown. So obsessed with appearances that she murdered her own mother- does that sound like the actions of a mentally stable person?!

I got to thinking… how many people watching that show blindly believed the story as it was told?  How many were shocked by her actions because someone said there was no evidence of mental illness?  Probably a great deal of the viewers.  Most people tend to believe something, anything, when it is said with enough confidence, & that narrator sounded confident in the information she read.

I think that can be a very dangerous thing, believing people so readily.  Not that everyone is a liar or out to get you, naturally, but the truth is some people *are* liars or *are* out to get you.  If you’ve dealt with even just one narcissist in your life, you know that is the truth.  But also, even a well meaning person may inadvertently lie to you or mislead you simply because they have wrong information.  I believe it truly is best always to weigh all information for yourself.

I felt after watching that show last night that I should remind you, Dear Reader, that it’s best to think for yourself!  Don’t blindly take someone at their word, no matter how convinced they are of what they are saying.  Consider Matthew 10:16: “Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.” (KJV)  While Jesus gave this advice to his disciples, it seems like very good advice to me for anyone.  I have asked God for wisdom & discernment, & I believe it has helped me in this area tremendously.

I tell you this even about my writing- never blindly listen to what I say!  While I try to provide accurate & helpful information, I can be wrong,  Or, sometimes what I write about may not work for you or you simply disagree with something I write.   There are no one size fits all solutions in life, & especially when dealing with the main topic of my writing- narcissism.  So please, when you read what I write, consider it & how it relates to your individual situation.  Hopefully it helps you, but if it doesn’t, don’t try to make it work for you.  Find another solution that does work for you.

Leave a comment

Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health

Narcissists Lie, Especially To Themselves

One of the most intriguing things I’ve noticed about narcissists is watching one lie in order to convince herself as well as others that something is the truth.

There was a show on TV a few years ago called, “Lie To Me” that I just loved.  It was about a deception expert- basically a human lie detector.  He would work with the police or military or whoever to help solve mysteries, because he was more able to detect lies than an actual lie detector.  The show was fascinating not only because the stories were interesting, but also because it was really educational.  It taught me about micro expressions- the fleeting expressions people make without being aware of them.  It also would show examples of various faces of people expressing various emotions.  Cool stuff if you’re interested in psychology like I am.  This show taught me a lot about how to detect the truth about people.  Body language & facial expressions are much more reliable than the words they speak.

A few years ago, after watching a marathon of “Lie To Me” on netflix, my husband & I went to dinner with my parents.  While my father was away from the table, my mother was telling my husband & I that my father had just recently gotten rid of his cell phone- gave it to a neighbor lady.  She said she had no idea why he did that, what was wrong with him?   She even paused for a moment after she said that, as if allowing it to sink in.  I quickly realized what was going on…

I’d given my father a cheap cell phone a few months prior, because he complained that my mother spent so much time on the phone, he couldn’t use it often.  She has a cell, but keeps it in her purse.  I thought a simple, cheap cell phone might work for him- it’d eliminate the conflict & it was only about $15/month to maintain.  From day one, my mother was mad he had this phone.  She griped at him & I both about how he didn’t need a cell phone, how it’s a waste of money, he’s ALWAYS buying minutes for it (yea, once a month..),  he spends too much time on the phone & other nonsense.  He finally was so tired of her complaints, he gave it away to get her off his back.  My mother was glad he got rid of the cell phone, but did not want to be to blame for him doing so.  Her solution was to lie & try to convince herself, my father, my husband & I she had no idea why he got rid of it.  To admit she nagged him into doing so would make her look bad, & no narcissist can handle looking bad in any way.  Lying this way was the best way to handle it, in her mind.  Eventually it worked- she is currently convinced she has no idea why he got rid of his cell phone.

My mother isn’t the only person I’ve seen do this. (Her display was only the most obvious one.)  In fact, I think it’s a pretty common thing among narcissists. After all, they’ll do anything to prevent them from looking bad.  My mother also will talk about what a great, loving mother she was to me.  She also has bragged about how upon meeting her, my one parakeet loved her very much (that didn’t happen) & how much my furkids love her (they don’t even like her).  She has even said that she can’t keep rescuing me because if she does, I’ll never learn (my mother has not one time “rescued” me in my entire life).  She is again trying to convince herself that her lies are the truth.

Unfortunately, I think this phenomenon is a coping skill that narcissists use when the truth is too ugly for them to bear.  They simply cannot bear to look anything less than perfect.  They especially can’t handle admitting the truth that they were horrible & abusive to their own child.  I wonder if the reality of how much damage they have caused would cause them to emotionally & mentally collapse.  I find narcissists to be rather weak people, & believe that is a very distinct possibility.

When these situations happen, I know they can be frustrating & hurtful.  It especially hurts when your narcissistic mother brags about how much she’s done for you.  When this happens though, please do your best to remember, this is how she chooses to cope.  Yes, it’s hurtful to you & yes it’s dysfunctional, but it’s her choice.  Unfortunately, she has the right to exercise this ridiculous behavior.  However, that doesn’t mean that you have to condone it.

When my mother brags about how good she’s been to me, I refuse to give her the validation she is seeking.  I won’t say a lie is the truth just to support her dysfunctional coping skills.  However, I also don’t tell her she is wrong.  She can have her delusions if she wants to, just don’t expect me to agree with them.  I get around validating her by saying things like:

  • “I don’t remember that.”
  • “Uh huh” (shows I’m listening but it’s non-committal)
  • changing the subject

Unfortunately this coping mechanism of hers still hurts sometimes, but I have noticed that it hurts much less than it once did.  Once I realized that my mother’s bragging about her fantastic mothering skills is all about how she copes with abusing me, it took much of the sting out of what she said.  I think this is because I realized although she is refusing to invalidating me & refusing to accept responsibility for it, she knows what she has done.  What she did bothers her enough that she feels the need to deal with it, & this just happens to be her way to cope, dysfunctional as it is.

7 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Narcissism

Discrediting The Victim- A Common Phenomenon

No matter what type of abuse or trauma you have suffered, often discrediting you, the victim, happens.  Often by outsiders who say ridiculous statements such as…

“Well if you wouldn’t have worn that short skirt, you wouldn’t have been raped!”

“If you had just been a little nicer to him, your husband wouldn’t have hit you!”

“Your mother did the best she could-  you need to understand that she had been abused.  She just didn’t know how to raise you, so you have to forgive & forget.”

Even more frequently, the person who perpetrated the abuse works hard to discredit you.  Narcissistic parents are especially good at doing this.  They tell others they are concerned about you, because you have been acting strangely, you have a vivid imagination, you’ve been making up stories, they did the best they could do by you, but you were always a difficult child & more.

Publicly stating that the victim is not a victim, but instead the problem helps to convince others of that fallacy.  The narcissistic abuser has great conviction when lying- people who aren’t extremely close to her rarely doubt her stories, especially if said under the guise of concern for her child.

This works well for the narcissistic mother, as she is able to convince people quite easily that her child  is the problem, thus turning people against her child & supporting her.  People then will look down on or fail to believe the child if she openly discusses the abuse or tries to stand up to or set boundaries with her narcissistic mother.  I experienced this myself in my teen years. My mother’s friends had once liked me, but as the abuse escalated & I tried to protect myself, suddenly those friends no longer liked me.  They barely even spoke to me or made eye contact with me.

Discrediting the victim also serves to make the victim question herself rather than the abuse she has come to believe is normal.  There were times in my teen years I felt as if I was going crazy.  My mother told me I was crazy anyway, even threatening to have me committed many times. That along with acting like & saying I was the problem caused me to doubt my sanity more times than I can count.

Also, another benefit for the abuser of discrediting the victim is that all eyes are on the victim, not the abuser.  The abuser can do anything she likes, because no one will notice.  They are too focused on how bad, wrong, crazy, etc. the victim is.

If you fall victim to this, please know you are NOT alone!  This is a typical tactic of narcissistic abusers.  It does NOT mean that you are to blame.  Instead, it is just one more sign that this person is the problem, & that this person  is evil.  After all, only an evil person would blame an innocent victim instead of accepting responsibility for their own actions.

Leave a comment

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism