Two years ago today, my father passed away. Naturally, the date has me thinking a lot. I tend to overthink anyway so no big surprise there.. lol
One thing that came to mind is a poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye that my father liked….
“Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave bereft
I am not there. I have not left.”
Lovely, isn’t it? It offers a great reminder that when someone we love has passed away, there are still things surrounding us that help us remember that person. For example, when I see butterflies, I think of my granddad, & monarch butterflies remind me of my father’s miraculous salvation at the end of his life. They always make me smile.
When the person who died is a narcissist, it’s certainly understandable if you don’t want reminders of that person. I understand completely, as sometimes reminders of my late parents are hard for me to handle. However, if you have lost someone you love, those reminders can offer a great comfort. They remind you that you can see your loved one again someday or of some good times you shared.
I’ve also come to realize that items hold energy. I don’t mean things can be haunted like in scary old ghost stories. What I mean is items that were particularly close to someone seem to hold a bit of that person’s “vibe” if you will. For example, I have some of my paternal grandmother’s jewelry. I love wearing it! It brings me comfort, reminds me of her or good times we shared. It’s as if I carry a bit of her essence with me when I wear it.
There also is a negative side to this. If the person whose item you have was abusive, the item can make you feel bad. I tried wearing some jewelry belonging to my narcissistic maternal grandmother. It was pretty, I like pretty jewelry, so it seemed natural for me to wear it. I quickly realized it didn’t feel right. It also made me feel as if I carried a bit of her essence with me, but the problem was, unlike my other grandmother, she was cruel! That wasn’t the vibe I wanted, so I stopped wearing her jewelry, pretty or not.
Considering all of this, I’ve come to believe that one thing that can help a person can get through grieving the loss of a loved one is having something of their deceased loved one’s. I’ve also come to believe that if the person who passed away was a narcissist, it may help the person grieving to avoid their possessions. It really depends on the relationship between the two parties involved.
I’m also not saying you have to cling to or avoid the deceased person’s item forever. What I am saying is that I believe that it can be helpful when the death is recent & grief is at its most difficult place. Since my father has been gone a while, now I can handle being around his possessions much easier than I could at first.
Grief is very hard & very painful, whether the person lost is someone you loved or a narcissist. I sincerely hope this post gives you another helpful way to cope. xoxo
One year ago, I shared this post about the miraculous & wonderful events that surrounded my father’s death. If you haven’t read it, please do.
I still am absolutely blown away by the events of that time. Talking about the goodness of God doesn’t begin to explain just how loving, good, kind & merciful He truly is, & those events proved it to me.
It’s been quite the emotional roller coaster since my father’s passing last year, & my faith has grown tremendously too.
While I don’t believe the dead actually come to us in dreams, I do believe because God knows how much certain people mean to them & they mean to us, He allows us to have dreams to convey messages from them. That being said, I’ve had a couple of dreams about my father since his passing, although he rarely actually makes an appearance in them. At first, I knew the dreams were to tell me that he was sorry for everything & loves me a great deal. I also knew he didn’t want to appear in my dreams often because of the things that happened in our relationship- he was afraid it’d upset me. Recently though he showed up in a dream & it was lovely- we were talking & laughing, & he was telling jokes. It was fun since we shared the same skewed since of humor. I believe that dream was to let me know that he appreciates all the prayers that not only I said for him, but my friends said as well, & now he’s enjoying Heaven because God answered those prayers.
I wanted to share these events with you to (hopefully!) encourage your faith & comfort you are losing someone you love. God truly can save everyone who wants to be saved. Never give up hope or give up praying for them, Dear Reader, even when it looks hopeless. It may happen at the very last minute like it did with my father, but it can still happen. Keep praying!!
Also, if you’ve lost a loved one, draw close to God. Allow Him to help you to get through & to comfort you. He truly will! I’ve even asked Him if it’s ok, please tell my deceased loved ones I miss them, are thinking of them or even happy birthday. I know as Christians, we aren’t supposed to try to contact the dead, so obviously I won’t seek out a medium or grab a Ouija board. But, I see nothing wrong with asking that sort of thing of God. Besides, if He didn’t want it to happen, He wouldn’t do it & would tell me it’s wrong! He also has told me little things that they wanted me to know, & of course there have been many dreams. Sometimes during the hardest times, I’ve dreamed about my grandfather, & the dream helped comfort me. On February 26, 2016, the night before the one year anniversary that I survived carbon monoxide poisoning, I had a dream of going four-wheeling with my grandfather. It was so fun & helped me feel much less depressed about that anniversary. God can bless you in the same way. He is no respecter of persons, so what He does for one, He can do for another.
I guess my thoughts are a bit scattered on this post, but I do hope they help & encourage you anyway. xoxo
Something crossed my mind recently, I’m sure it’s due to my father in-law’s recent death: Grief doesn’t end just because the funeral is over.
I think many people act like once your loved one is buried or cremated, you’re done grieving. It’s done now so you should be ready to resume your life as it was, no problem. Nothing could be further from the truth!
Grief has no set time. It doesn’t end just because the funeral is done, because a set amount of time has passed, or because people think you should be “over it” by now.
There’s also the fact that the first year after a loved one dies is incredibly hard. You have their first birthday without them, first anniversary, first holidays… those days can be extremely difficult, but especially the first ones.
In fact, I don’t think grief ever ends completely, it only becomes less intense over time. My great grandmother that I adored died in 1982, & I still miss her a great deal to this day. No, I don’t cry all the time, but I still miss her & think of her often. If you love someone, that is just how things happen.
And if you lost a pet rather than a human, people can be even more insensitive, because after all, “It’s only a cat/dog/bird/etc!” they say. They fail to realize that pets are a big part of our daily lives. We love them, care for them, play with them, nurture them & when they get old &./or sick, we become their caregivers. Such things can form an incredible bond, & when that bond is broken, it hurts just as much if not more than when a human passes away.
If you have lost someone you love recently, please ignore people who try to tell you that you should be over it already, are taking too long to grieve or “It’s just a pet!”. It’s not their business! You take your time & grieve however you need to for as much time as you need to. Honor your loved one’s life, too. Maybe plant a garden they would like, or make or build something creative like they would have made. It really does help!
If you have been actively grieving for a long time (over a year), & it disrupts your life, I really would like to suggest you try grief counseling. Sometimes, people kinda get “stuck” & there is no shame in it. It happens! It just means you need a little help to get unstuck.
On the day I’m writing this post, it’s been 3 years since losing my precious kitty baby, Georgie. Naturally, he’s been on my mind a lot today. He was quite the character- feisty, liked to tease other kitties mercilessly, highly intelligent, loving, caring & protective of his brother, Pretty Boy, especially after Pretty Boy’s diagnosis of diabetes in 2011.
Georgie died suddenly on April 16, 2014. I still have no clue why.. he obviously passed in his sleep, thankfully, so it was peaceful at least. Yet, no warning anything was wrong made losing him especially hard.
Shortly after his passing, I was still in shock & grieving terribly. As usual when grieving, I talked to God about how badly it hurt. He told me to listen to a certain song & said, “Georgie wants you to know he thinks of you when he hears this song. It’s your & Georgie’s song now.” The song was Steelheart’s “Angel Eyes” from 1990. A song I’ve always loved, but thanks to Georgie love even more since his passing.
I know, this sounds odd.. yet, this type of thing has happened after losing several of my kitties over the years. When Bubba died in 2001, I was sure I was going to die too, when Lynyrd Skynryd’s “Freebird” became our song. Magic’s & my song is Wynonna’s “You Were Loved.” “When Jasmine passed, it was Aerosmith’s “Angel.” Vincent’s & my song is “Someday We’ll Be Together.”
You get the idea.
Since so many of you who read my work are also avid animal lovers, I’m hoping this post offers you comfort. I never knew this type of thing would help me survive losing my precious furkids, but God did. Asking Him for comfort turned into receiving the only thing that could help me, aside from having my furbaby back.
If God did it for me, He can do it for you as well.
Dear Reader, if you’re missing a precious loved one, be they furry or human, I would like to urge you to cry out to God. Ask Him for comfort. He will not disappoint! He may give you songs like He has me, or maybe not. It depends on what comforts you most, I believe. In any case, trust that He wants to help you & then wait for the blessing to come your way. It will greatly surpass your expectations, that I promise you!
This is Georgie (left) & his brother, Pretty Boy in around 2005. My two handsome, wonderful brothers. 🙂 Georgie’s & my song lyrics are below the picture if you’d like to read them.
Angel Eyes, by Steelheart
“Angel eyes, you have angel eyes, such a smile that lights up my life
You’re a dream come true, now I’m holding you
And I’ll never, never let you go, I will never let you go!
First time I laid my eyes upon you, all my dreams were answered
First time I kissed your tender lips, my love to you I surrendered
I’ll never let you go, you’re always on my mind
You’re the only one for me, you’re all I need
And I’ll never, never let you go
Angel eyes, my heart relies on the love you give to me
You never let me down, you’re always by my side
And I’ll never, never let you go, I will never let you go!
When my heart starts to crumble and the tears start to fall
You hold me close with tender lovin’, and give me strength to carry on
I’ll never let you go, you’re always on my mind
You’re the only one for me, you’re all I need
And I’ll never, never let you go
I’ll never let you go, you’re always on my mind
You’re the only one for me, you’re all I need
And I’ll never, never let you go
And I’ll never, never let you go.”
A friend & I were talking recently about some of the dumb things people say to someone who is grieving.
Comments like these may not sound so bad, but they can be hurtful when you’re in the early stages of grief.
The simple fact is people don’t know what to say in this situation. Nothing sounds “right”, so many people say something unintentionally hurtful rather than saying nothing.
If you know someone who has recently lost someone they love, please think before you speak. What may comfort you may not comfort the other person. Everyone grieves differently. Plus, there are various stages of grief, & what may comfort someone at one stage may not at another stage. For example, knowing I’ll see my loved one again one day does NOT comfort me immediately after losing that person or pet. I call it the selfish phase of grief, where I just want them back with me because I miss them so much. Some time later, knowing we’ll be reunited one day is a great comfort.
It seems to me there are only a few safe things to say to someone who is grieving.
Please consider your words wisely when someone you know has lost a loved one. You have the ability to help them or hurt them, so please, choose to help them.
As I wrote about earlier today, our little family became a bit smaller recently with the sudden loss of our cat, Pretty Boy. Losing a furbaby is absolutely the worst part of having pets. It feels like my heart has been ripped out, to tell the truth. Not only because of my personal loss, but watching my husband & the other furbabies grieve is so incredibly painful too.
Thankfully, I’m surrounded by friends who love animals as much as I do, or at the very least, understand how much I love them even if they are not avid animal lovers themselves. They have been sending their condolences & praying for my little family, which is simply awesome. I’m incredibly grateful for them!
Unfortunately, not every single person in my life is this kind. My narcissistic parents come to mind. As of the time of me writing this post, they don’t know about Pretty Boy, & I hope to keep it that way for a while. The reason is they end up hurting me each time I lose a furbaby. My mother has said things like the one who passed is better off dead than with me as his or her mom, “at least you don’t have any sick ones anymore”, repeated a story about losing her cat when she was 14 years old, or simply ignored my loss. My father sort of tries to be comforting, but he has no idea how to. He has no empathy.
When you’re grieving, whether it’s losing a human or furbaby, you are especially vulnerable to the cruelty of narcissists. They know this, & that is why they attack at this awful time.
I want to remind you Dear Reader, & myself as well, that it is very important to protect yourself during such fragile times. There is nothing wrong with keeping a distance from narcissists when you are grieving. In fact, it is a wise thing to do to protect your mental health.
You owe them no explanation as to why you need time to yourself, either. Just state that you need some time to yourself, & if they insist on calling, texting, visiting, etc., ignore them. Don’t answer the phone or the door. That is your right! If later when you speak to them, they try to shame you for not answering their calls, etc., simply remind them you told them that you needed time to yourself & ignore the guilt trips! Easier said than done, I know, but it can be done. I’ve done it myself. By calmly stating that fact & ignoring the guilt, the narcissist may get annoyed, but sees that the tactic isn’t working, so usually he or she abandons it.
Also, narcissists don’t understand what it’s like to grieve. To grieve means you loved someone, which is something narcissists don’t do. This may mean they try to invalidate your feelings or shame you for grieving. Do not allow their poison to get inside you!! Just because they are unable to love someone enough to grieve a loss doesn’t mean you are wrong for grieving.
When you are in the throes of grief, it is especially important to take good care of your mental health. Do your best to rest often, do nurturing things that help you to feel better, eat healthy & avoid toxic people (especially narcissists). You need to do these things so you can go through the painful grief process, & eventually learn to live without that special person or pet.
Tomorrow marks the thirteenth anniversary of my paternal Granddad’s passing. Like every single year on May 31, I know I’ll be depressed & missing him more than usual.
Grief anniversaries are rough days, but I think they can be a good thing in a way as well. They remind you of someone you dearly loved yet lost. They gently push you to remember some good times, & the things you loved about that person. As sad as May 31 always is for me, I also look forward to the day in a way because it gives me an excuse to remember the good times, like sitting around what is now my dining room table with Granddad, listening to him telling me stories of our family. Or, going to our favorite little Italian place for lunch & chatting over a yummy meal. I also remember how after his death, butterflies started appearing in my life, comforting me. I also laugh how my talking teddy bear that he liked has started talking without me pushing the button since he passed, & I’m pretty sure he has something to do with my talking bear. His way of saying hi.
Sometimes, too, the day reminds me of the viewing the day before & the funeral. Those memories are extremely hard & all these years later, still make me cry. But, sometimes tears can be a good thing. They can be cleansing & healing. They also are proof of having loved the departed one a great deal. Loving someone is truly one of God’s most precious gifts.
I’ve also noticed grief anniversaries can be spontaneous. The scent of your loved one’s cologne or perfume, the sound of his or her favorite music or even a sport he or she loved can be enough to bring you to tears for missing that person sometimes. Even now, there are times I think, “I should call or email Granddad about this” or “I wish I could talk to him about this” & experience a renewed grief with the reminder I can’t talk to him anymore until I see him in Heaven one day.
I really believe these days are important to acknowledge. They keep your loved one in your heart & mind, close to you, so he or she is never really gone. That is why every May 31 & August 15 (his birthday) I remember my granddad. I also remember days I’ve lost others I’ve loved- my grandmother, great-grandmother, & my furbabies. They’re always close to me, always in my heart.
I coined this phrase, stealing grief, after losing my sweet kitty, Vincent. Vincent had been my granddad’s cat, & a cousin took him after Granddad died. Several years later, she asked me to baby sit him while she moved, then said I could keep him. I was blessed to have him for just over 2 years when he passed away very suddenly & unexpectedly. Losing him was especially hard for me, not only because he was an awesome cat, but he had been Granddad’s best friend. I felt like I was losing a part of Granddad as well as losing Vincent. The combined loss was devastating.
I told my father about losing Vincent a day or so after his death. The following day, my mother called as I was not only grieving but in bed sick with the flu. She told me my father told her about Vincent. She also said how he was never happy with me- he was only happy with Granddad. He was miserable in my home, according to her. Between feeling very sick & grieving, I couldn’t even respond to what she said. I just cried. Her words hurt me to my core, even though I knew they weren’t true. For a while, I was so hurt, I focused on that instead of grieving Vincent. I felt my grief process had been stolen due to the hurt I felt from my mother’s hatefulness.
Prior to that incident, when losing cats, if my mother even acknowledged the loss, she told me that they were better off dead than with me as their mom or “oh well.. at least you don’t have any sick ones now.” Each time her callous & evil words interrupted my natural grief process, leaving me wounded & hurting even more than usual because of being oversensitive due to grief. I stopped telling my parents when we’ve lost furbabies because of this.
I realized that this was done purposely. My mother, in typical narcissistic fashion, likes to hurt me, & when I’m already hurting, she is capable of hurting me much more deeply than usual. She is opportunistic, kicking me when I’m down, as narcissists are.
I also realized that this isn’t simply another jab at me. It’s incredibly disrespectful to my furbabies, because she is distracting me from the natural course of grieving the loss of a wonderful creature.
I know that grief isn’t fun. In fact, it feels like hell on Earth when you’re going through it. However, it’s also necessary if you are to process the pain of losing someone you love in a healthy manner. It’s the price you pay for loving someone. It shouldn’t be interrupted! It should be allowed to run its course until you reach that place of acceptance that the one you love is gone, & you can begin to adapt to your new life without that person.
Interrupting grief drags the process out & makes it much harder than it already is. It adds to & prolongs your suffering, which is no doubt what the narcissist enjoys so much. Now your grief will take longer & be harder, plus she was able to dump more pain on you! YAY! Sick? Oh yea. But that’s how narcissists think.
I have learned the hard way that this has to stop. I can’t make my parents stop trying to steal my grief, but I can continue grieving in a healthy way in spite of them.
When we lost our 16 year old tabby cat with an attitude, Weeble on May 2, a few days later, my parents & I got into a big argument. I mentioned it in this post. It was extremely hurtful, even though I’d been expecting a fight, just not quite this exact one. In the heat of the fight, I told my father I couldn’t deal with this topic since I’d just lost Weeble. I ended up telling him 2 things about that- please don’t tell my mother because I don’t need to hear her nastiness & I also need time to myself to grieve. He disregarded this & called me non stop two days later, trying to bully me into answering the phone, because HE wanted to talk to me. My wishes meant nothing apparently. When I finally did talk to him, I told him again I need time to myself, leave me alone. This past Monday, my parents’ number showed up on my caller ID repeatedly. Again. UGH! Wednesday night, my mother called & my husband talked to her since I wasn’t up to it. Would be nice if they listened when I set boundaries.. sheesh.
Anyway, I’ve taken the time to mentally put his & my mother’s horrible behavior on the back burner. I imagine putting them in a box, & putting it on a shelf, to deal with later, when I am able to. For now, I’m focusing on my grief. I’m grieving fully the loss of a beautiful, wonderful little girl who made my life better, which she deserves & I need to do.
If you too end up in this painful position with a narcissist, then please remember this! Don’t let them steal your grief. You need to take care of yourself during this fragile time. If you need space, take it & without guilt. If you must deal with your narcissistic parent(s), then try doing as I have- imagine putting her (them) in a box & placing it on a shelf, until you are able to deal with that pain. I know that stuffing emotions is a bad thing, but this is different- it’s simply postponing dealing with them temporarily until you are more able to do so.
Tomorrow is a day I can’t forget. On January 21, 2007, I lost my sweet cat, Magic. He died quietly in my arms after over three years of dealing with heart problems, which was twice as long as vets expected him to live.
Magic was very special. Not only was he my first cat, but he was also my soul mate. He was extremely in tune with me. He defended me when people were cruel to me. He comforted me when I was sad & snuggled me when I was happy. He was extremely intuitive, intelligent, fun, caring & a wonderful surrogate daddy to the other cats & dogs. It’s hardly a surprise that after his death, he was still special..
One day not long after losing Magic, I was listening to the soundtrack from the TV show, “Touched By An Angel.” Wynonna’s song “You Were Loved” came on. God spoke to my heart & said, “This is your & Magic’s song. He wanted you to know that.” Even now, I cry when I hear the song, remembering that precious moment.
That wasn’t even the first time something like this happened. In December 2001, I experienced my first kitty death. My sweet boy, Bubba died from FIV & emphysema at only age 9. God gave me Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Freebird” two days later. In 2002 after Sugar died suddenly & completely unexpectedly, God told me the same thing about Lonestar’s “Not A Day Goes By” There have been other songs too. In December 2010 when Vincent died, on my way back from burying him, the song “Someday We’ll Be Together” started going through my mind. God told me that was Vincent’s & my song. A similar thing happened the following year when Jasmine passed, except the song was Aerosmith’s “Angel” & in 2014 when Georgie passed with Steelheart’s “I’ll Never Let You Go.”
My point in sharing all of this with you, Dear Reader, is to reassure you. Not only people go to Heaven or Hell. Animals do as well! Mark 16:15 says to preach the Gospel to all creation or to every creature in every single translation I’ve seen. This tells me that animals also can accept Jesus as their savior. This means they can go to Heaven & we will see them again one day!
I also firmly believe that death doesn’t mean that they no longer think of their humans once they are gone. I have no doubt they think of us & miss us as we think of & miss them. Otherwise, why would God have told me they wanted me to know that these songs are ours?
If you have lost lost a precious pet, please be reassured that your baby still loves you & thinks fondly of you. And best of all, you’ll see him or her again one day. I know it hurts more than you can describe when you lose a furbaby, but knowing you’ll see them again one day is very comforting.
The songs I’ve gotten are also quite comforting. Granted, not every single furbaby & I have a song, & I don’t know why that is, but the ones I do share a song with? That song comforts me & helped me to get through the initial, devastating pain of losing them. If you haven’t experienced this, it may be a good idea to ask God about it. He certainly won’t object to it! And, who knows? Maybe you were too caught up in your grief to notice God gently trying to tell you about a song. It’s certainly possible to be grieving so hard, you don’t listen to God. I’ve done that myself.
If you have experienced the pain of losing a furbaby, please know I understand. It’s devastating!
As most of you know, I’m an avid animal lover. I also have a weird knack for remembering dates. So, I naturally remember this day in 1990 when I adopted my first cat, Magic…
Magic was very special, my soul mate. He was extremely intelligent, loving, devoted, protective, a great surrogate daddy to kittens, stubborn, devious & so much more. He was in my life for over 16 years when he passed away quietly in my arms one afternoon. Although he’s been gone since January 17, 2007, I still miss him daily.
I was thinking about Magic when something occurred to me. So many people act like when you lose a pet, it’s no big deal. “It’s just an animal” they say. They fail to realize that animal is like a child to you. You love him, take care of him, provide for him, comfort him when he’s sad or upset & nurse him when he’s sick. How can you not be shaken to your core when you lose your furry child?!
If you’ve lost a precious pet, I would encourage you to honor his memory in some special way. It will bring you comfort when grief threatens to overwhelm you, & remind you of fun memories as well. I have a locket that has a small tuft of Magic’s fur on one side & his picture on the other. You could do something similar. Or, you could get more creative. A photo album or photo display in your home would be nice. A special garden with a memorial plaque in your yard also would be nice. Paint or draw your beloved pet’s picture. When our neighbor’s Akita dog died, our dog, Bear, was devastated.. he loved Mathilda a great deal. I decided to knit him an afghan since he liked to nap on them & a couple of my friends sent me squares to add into it. All squares had two hearts on them in some unique way. It brought him comfort when he was hurting. You could do the same for yourself if you are into the yarn arts. Or, you could sew a quilt. The possibilities are endless.
Losing a pet is a horrible experience, but it has one good part. Grieving hard means you loved hard. As painful as it can be to believe when you first lose your furbaby, one day you will realize that it was worth it, because you had that special little angel in your life. Remember that when you are in pain- it really will comfort you one day.
And, ignore those who try to invalidate your grief. They are foolish or cold hearted. Grieve that precious furbaby however you see fit. You probably never will stop grieving completely, & that is ok! It just means you loved that little one a great deal.
Tell God how you feel- He understands. . In fact, God may bless you in a unique way at this time. After losing Magic, I was listening to a CD one day, the soundtrack from the show “Touched By An Angel.” Wynonna’s song “You Were Loved” came on & God spoke to my heart saying, “This is from Magic.” I can’t hear the song with it’s moving lyrics without thinking of Magic now. It always brings me joy & reminds me we’ll see each other again one day. This has happened with other cats I’ve lost, too. Bubba’s song is “Freebird” (Lynyrd Skynyrd), Sugar’s is “Not A Day Goes By” (Lonestar), Vincent’s is “Someday We’ll Be Together” (The Supremes), Jasmine’s is “Angel” (Aerosmith), Georgie’s is “Angel Eyes” (Steelheart) & Sneezer’s is “Carrying Your Love With Me” (George Straight). If God has blessed me like this, He may do the same for you. Why not ask Him to do so?
Also, if you have other furbabies, then please never take them for granted! As I’m writing, my Pretty Boy is napping on the sofa, snoring loudly, while Zippy is laying across my wrist as I type, purring loudly. Their contentment brings me joy. I love my boys so much, & tell them so all the time, just like I do with the other cats & dog. Animals, like humans, need to know they are loved. And, you need to enjoy the time you have with your little furry angels to the fullest!
God keeps encouraging me to be open, which is a real challenge for me. I’m so introverted it’s tough to talk about private things. But, I’m trying..
One very private thing I felt like I should share has nothing to do with the usual topic of narcissism, but we all need a break from that negative topic anyway. I wanted to share a story with you that shows how gentle & loving God is during our times of greatest need.
When I was growing up, my narcissistic mother did her best to keep me distant from my father’s family. I wasn’t allowed to play much with my cousins or spend the summer with my grandparents. When my parents & I visited family, I had to stay at my mother’s side most of the time. As a result, I was never very close to my paternal grandparents, although I loved them dearly. Then at age 17, when the abuse was at its peak, my mother told me how they were deeply ashamed of me for how terribly I was acting. I knew better, or so I thought, but even so, when my ex husband later agreed with my mother, I thought I was wrong. After all, he hated my mother as much as she hated him- if he is agreeing with her, she must be right. As a result, in my early 20’s, I drifted out of their lives.
Several years later in 2000, I wrote a letter to my granddad. (Grandmom had passed in 1996). Shortly after, I went to visit him at his home. I was nervous, but that faded immediately. As soon as he opened the door & gave me one of his bear hugs, I knew all was fine. We ended up being very close by the time he died on May 31, 2003. He was not just my grandfather- he was my friend, confidant & cheerleader.
His death hit me very hard. I could barely function for the first month after. I asked hubby to drive me to Bristow, VA to his grave about one month after his death. I hoped maybe it’d help. Besides, the drive was beautiful- Bristow is a peaceful, country town. The cemetery there is among the prettiest places I’ve ever seen.
Off to Bristow we went. For the first time, I saw his headstone, & it tore me up. It made his death final.
Hubby left me alone for a while, & sat in the car. I prayed, telling God how painful this was & how much I missed Granddad. Suddenly the most bizarre thing happened. I heard my granddad’s voice speaking to me as if he was standing beside me. He said, “I’m always with you- in your heart. I love you. Whenever you see a butterfly, I want you to remember that.” at this point, I looked up & there were 2 pale yellow butterflies fluttering together about 5′ from me. “You tell Eric to take good care of you. I love you.”
This incident shook me up at first. I wondered was I crazy? But no, I wasn’t crazy. Hearing his voice one last time helped me to start healing.
Some people have told me I only heard what I wanted to hear, or God doesn’t do things like that, but I disagree. God knew what I needed when I didn’t, & provided that. Plus, since then, a few times when I’ve seen butterflies, God has spoken to my heart & said things like “Your granddad is thinking of you & wants you to know he loves you.”
Since that day at the cemetery, I’ve seen butterflies. Lots of them! I even saw one during the winter once, in my car. I was particularly stressed at the time since hubby was sick, & on my way home from the hospital, a little moth appeared in my car! There was no earthly reason for that, as butterflies & moths only survive in the warm weather. When I work on my car (which was once Granddad’s car), butterflies often appear. If I’m upset, I can guarantee I’ll see butterflies in the oddest places. Once in a store, I saw butterflies on t-shirts, dishes, stuffed animals, dishes & books. That was the day that God told me Granddad had been thinking of me.
If you’re in a painful place, please know God still loves you. He will comfort you if you allow Him to. It may be in a completely unexpected way like what happened to me, but it will be just what you need. And, if you’ve lost someone you love, don’t doubt their love for you has vanished or even changed just because they’ve passed away. They still love you & think of you often. Nothing, not even death, will change that. Take comfort in that. It truly helps.
As for me, I’ll continue to smile every time I see butterflies, because I know it means my favorite person is sending me his love.. 🙂
Today has been a very sad day for the Bailey family. My awesome aunt Judy passed away this morning after battling cancer.
Please pray for comfort for her husband, children, & the many people saddened by this loss. Thank you so much, & may God bless you.
I’m sorry for vanishing.. it’s been a very painful few days for me, & I haven’t been up to writing in here or in the new book. On Wednesday, my mother’s birthday, we suddenly lost one of our beloved kitties, Georgie. I’m honestly not sure what happened. I am guessing his heart. He passed away quietly in his sleep. Here’s a picture of my sweet little guy..
Since his death, all of us are grieving a great deal, but perhaps no one more than his brother, Pretty Boy. They were extremely close. Since there is no way to eliminate grief, all I know to do is comfort the little guy as much as I can. I came up with an idea that I think is offering him some comfort. I made him a new collar, & put a tiny vial with some of his brother’s cremated ashes in it on the collar. He showed his appreciation immediately by offering me lots of purrs & snuggles. One thing I have learned about animals is they do truly appreciate when we make them a gift. I think it’s sweet. 🙂 If you think of it, please pray for our little family. Every one of us is hurting tremendously right now from our loss. Thank you. I’m hoping to get back to blogging & working on the new book within a few days. As if grieving isn’t hard enough, it’s even ore difficult with C-PTSD. It’s making the usual depression, anxiety & muddied thinking even worse than usual. Thank you for your patience & understanding! xoxo
Good morning, Dear Readers!
This won’t be a long post today- I am still not feeling so well after losing my sweet Bear the other day. Thank you to everyone who has offered condolences & prayers. They are so appreciated! Everyone is deeply sad & missing our special Chow Chow. I’ve also heard a few things I wish I hadn’t since we lost Bear. I wanted to share so in case anyone who is reading this knows someone who has lost a pet, please do NOT say the following…
Please remember- when someone loses a pet, it is very much like losing a child. This person has lost someone they love, nurture, care for, medicate, feed, nurse when sick, & everything else a parent does for a child. This person didn’t lose “just an animal.” This person lost someone they loved deeply, & it is going to take time to learn to live without him/her. I can’t say pet parents ever “get over” losing their beloved pet- we simply learn to adapt the best we can without that special furkid.
This is my Bear with Bo as a kitten…he LOVED being the proud parent. When my husband & I adopted Bo & Luke in 2010, Bear was thrilled. He loved cats, but seemed to have an especially soft spot for kittens. Notice the “proud mama” smile.. 🙂
I wanted to pop in to say thank you, as well as to post a very interesting link I read this morning. It’s about discovering your “apology language.” Remember Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages” that was popular probably 15 years ago or so?? It was a really good book! Well, he’s created this quiz to help you determine your apology language, too, in other words, the type of apology that you need.
It’s very interesting- take a few minutes to check it out!
Wishing everyone a very good Saturday!
Good morning Dear Readers.
This morning, I would like to ask a favor yet again. The young lady I posted about the other day? She has since passed on, leaving her family with a ton of medical bills & bills for her final expenses. They need help right now. Please consider making a donation. It can be done 2 ways…
25% of your purchase on the link below will go towards Angel’s family:
Hello, Dear Readers. I need a big favor from you today..
The 21 year old daughter of a couple of former friends of mine is currently on life support. From what I read, the doctors are only keeping her alive until some of her family members arrive. Please pray for her parents, brothers, family & her boyfriend. No doubt they all feel like they are in hell, losing such a special, good Christian woman.
Thank you for praying for these people with me in their time of immeasurable suffering.
Happy Sunday, Dear Readers!
Last night was a tough one. Our 4 month old kitten, Sabrina, was sick, & we had to run her to the emergency vet. Thankfully, it turned out not to be anything terribly serious- she has a very nasty ear infection, & may be deaf in her right ear from it. It’s also given her a nasty case of vertigo. Since she’s so young, if that happens, she’ll adapt- cats are so flexible! Also thankfully, today she is doing better already. Still not up to par, of course, but improving fast. I am so grateful to God for taking care of my baby girl!!
While we were at the vet last night, a lady brought in her small dog who had been attacked. The dog died almost immediately. This poor lady wandered the hospital, holding her dead dog, wailing in her grief. My heart just broke for her. I’m telling you this for a couple of reasons..
First, please pray for this lady. Her heart was obviously broken. She needs comfort & to know God’s comfort & love. Thank you!
Secondly, if you don’t have pets, then please remember- the connection between a human & their pets can be as strong as a parent/child bond. If someone you know loses their pet, please be gentle & sensitive with them. I have been on the receiving end of insensitivity when I’ve lost one of my furkids, & it really hurts! Already being in pain from my loss seemed to magnify the hurt from the insensitivity.
Take care, Dear Readers, & have a blessed Sunday!