Narcissists have an incredibly skewed view of loyalty.
Narcissists demand blind loyalty from people in their lives, no matter what. The average person has the sense to realize that if they do certain things, people in their lives won’t approve, & if they do really bad things, they will lose those people. While this seems like common sense, it’s not to narcissists. Those in their lives are supposed to be blindly loyal to them no matter what they do. No matter how badly they abuse & cause pain & suffering, their victims are supposed to remain by their side. They could set an orphanage on fire on Christmas Eve while kicking puppies & they would expect people in their lives to support this decision whole heartedly. Failure to support the decision is proof of disloyalty to the narcissist.
Narcissists demand people forgive & forget any egregious behavior on their part, no matter how horrific. A part of the blind loyalty narcissists demand from their victims is for them to forgive & forget, so the narcissist can continue abusing them without consequences. Any confrontation from the victim seems to be taken as a betrayal by the narcissist. They act like the victim has no right to complain about their behavior. Narcissists also expect others the victim may tell about the abuse also to forgive & forget, to make excuses for the abuse, to deny it ever happened or to blame the victim for making the narcissist behave in such a manner. Doing those things proves loyalty to the narcissist.
Narcissists seem to take their children growing up as a form of betrayal, as if the child has done this terrible thing on purpose just to hurt them. Children grow up. Everyone knows this. Except narcissists. To them, growing up proves their children are nothing but disloyal, disobedient & out to hurt their narcissistic parent.
All narcissists expect blind obedience, & lack of blind obedience is taken as a betrayal & sign of being disloyal. Overt & covert narcissists demand obedience in different ways, but make no mistake about it – they do demand it. Overts will use threats or raging while coverts use guilt, shaming & act disappointed in those who disobey them. Either way, whatever a narcissist wants someone to do for them, it’s expected to be done post haste, & not doing so is proof of disloyalty. Even if whatever the action is goes against someone’s morals or causes physical pain or financial loss, if the action isn’t done, the narcissist will see this person as disloyal.
Narcissists are of the mindset, “If you’re not for me, you’re against me.” Narcissists take a difference of opinion as a personal attack & proof of your disloyalty. They can’t seem to grasp that people don’t all think like them & it’s ok. Thinking differently than them is wrong in their mind & proof a person isn’t to be trusted.
Clearly the view of loyalty narcissists have proves their thinking is very messed up to put it nicely. Like their views on other topics like respect, their views on loyalty are incredibly dysfunctional & wrong.
Actually, the way narcissists view loyalty also explains a lot about the people narcissists are close to. They share these very skewed views of loyalty. They also have absolutely no integrity to be so incredibly loyal to someone like a narcissist even when they know the person is harming other people. Any person with a conscience couldn’t be so loyal to a person with such terrible character deficits.
If the narcissist in your life says you’re disloyal, then take it as a complement! It shows you’re not thinking the same warped way they are!