Tag Archives: mama

How Was Your Mothers’ Day?

I hope everyone had a pleasant, peaceful day yesterday!  ‚̧   Thankfully now Mothers' Day is behind us.  It's time to relax!  Yay!  How are you going to relax today?

Today I made some progress on my new book about narcissistic mothers.  ūüôā  I realized, though, that I could use more input from others about the men married to narcissistic women- these fathers of daughters of narcissistic mothers.  If you would like to contribute your thoughts, please feel free to comment on this post, or email me at: CynthiaBaileyRug@AOL.com.  All information received via email will be kept completely anonymous, I promise you.

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Narcissism, Writing

Coping With A Narcissistic Mother

Good morning, Dear Readers!

Yesterday, I got an email from a lady looking for advice in dealing with her narcissistic mother. ¬†It turns out she was unaware of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD, until she found my website. ¬†Reading about it gave her the answers she was seeking for many years, I am happy to say! ¬†She also asked me for some ways to deal with her mother. ¬†I thought it’d be a good idea to share some tips here, too..

  • Keep in mind how a narcissist thinks. ¬†Appearances are everything. ¬†If you look more successful, attractive, etc. than the narcissist, she is going to be upset. ¬†Narcissistic mothers also can’t handle if you get attention, & they don’t. ¬†If either of these things happen, you will pay. ¬†They will do their best to make you feel bad about yourself & your accomplishments, or undermine that complement someone just gave you. ¬†Lying is a way of life for the narcissistic mother- she will recreate the past, to make herself look good, & you look bad, as frustrating as that is.¬†¬†Constantly remembering how the narcissist thinks helps you not to be surprised when she does hurtful & abusive things, which will enable you to handle the situation to the best of your ability. ¬†
  • Stay calm.¬†¬†If you get upset, she can act like a victim. ¬†She’ll act like you are crazy, wrong, evil, mean, etc. for daring to be upset. ¬†It doesn’t matter she was out to hurt you- you have no right to be upset, in her mind. ¬†So, when your narcissistic mother is hateful to you, stay calm. ¬†Maintain your composure, & be reasonable. ¬†It will frustrate her to no end! ¬†Then, once you are away from her, you can cry or rant to your friend or whatever you need to do to feel better.
  • Have & enforce healthy, strict boundaries.¬†¬†Know what you will & will not tolerate from your mother, & stand by it. ¬†If you give in, even only a little, she will see it as a sign of weakness, & push you further & further.
  • Sometimes there is no right answer, only less wrong answers. ¬†Yes, this is maddening, but that doesn’t make it any less true. ¬†When dealing with your narcissistic mother, do what is right (or less wrong in some cases) for you. ¬†You aren’t going to please her anyway!
  • Remember, you have every right to take care of yourself! ¬†If things get too painful, take a break from your mother. ¬†You don’t owe it to her to be at her beck & call. ¬†
  • Remember what it means to honor your parents. ¬†Nowhere in the Bible does it say that honoring your parents means tolerating abuse. ¬†There is no honor in that! ¬†To give them honor means to respect their place as your parent. ¬†Honoring also means loving someone. ¬†Loving God’s way, not man’s way. ¬†Part of loving God’s way means wanting the best for others, whether it is comfortable or not. ¬†And sometimes, love must be tough- tough for you & for your narcissistic mother. ¬†Not allowing her to mistreat you is actually a very loving, honorable thing. ¬†It protects you from abuse, & it encourages her to improve her behavior. ¬†She may or may not change, but even if she doesn’t change, you can rest assured that you’re doing the right thing by both you & her. ¬†Honoring your mother isn’t easy when she is abusive. ¬†God only asks you to do your best. ¬†I know I’m not a very good daughter in some ways- I never volunteer to spend time with my parents. ¬†I don’t call them often. I offer help when need be, as they are in their 70’s now & have some health problems. ¬†I used to beat myself up because of not being a better daughter. ¬†When praying about it at one point, God told me, “You’re doing your best- that is all I ask of you. ¬†And, if they had done better by you, you would be more willing & able to do more with & for them.” ¬†I encourage you to keep that in mind.

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism