The term sexual narcissist describes a narcissist who thinks they are incredibly gifted in the area of sex. This attitude makes them feel entitled to anything they want in that area, no matter the pain & suffering it may cause their partner. So long as the sexual narcissist gets what he or she wants, that is all that matters.
There are some signs that show you if you’re involved with such a person. Some people are guilty of such behaviors from time to time, but when the behaviors are a constant, that is a big red flag that your partner is a sexual narcissist.
In the beginning, the narcissist is extremely attentive, flirtatious, & complementary. Granted, this is sort of the norm in any relationship. However, narcissists take it to an extreme, leaving a victim swept off their feet. They also stop this behavior suddenly & with no explanation, leaving their victim confused & willing to do anything to regain the narcissist’s attention. This makes the victim easier to control, which is why they behave in such a manner.
Once the newness wears off, the victim’s sole purpose is to please the narcissist. As a narcissist becomes comfortable in the relationship, their focus changes from being this perfect partner to “What can I get from my victim?” Any degrading or deviant fantasy the narcissist has is demanded of the victim. Nothing is off limits, even if it causes the victim physical or emotional suffering. When the victim protests, the narcissist shames the victim for being a prude, immature or not loving the narcissist. Sometimes they get violent & force their victim into doing what they want, & other times they use manipulation & shaming to get it.
The victim is not allowed to have needs or wants. At this point, the narcissist’s mask is off. The victim knows that he or she is there to please the narcissist. The victim also is learning that his or her own needs & wants mean nothing to the narcissist. In fact, victims are often ridiculed for having their own wants & needs. Sexual narcissists think of their victims as inhuman, without needs or wants. How can a thing, an inanimate object have needs or wants? It’s ridiculous. All that matters is the narcissist’s needs & wants. The victim’s are at best shrugged off, at worst mocked.
Narcissists are more focused on their performance than their partner. Since narcissists are so deathly afraid of criticism, they focus on avoiding it at all costs. This behavior extends to the bedroom. They often even focus more on how they’re performing than their partner.
Many sexual narcissists engage in extremely unhealthy sexual behavior, such as pornography or infidelity. Your average person realizes there are unhealthy sexual activities, & avoids doing them. They also realize they can enjoy sex with their mate in many ways without going near any of those unhealthy boundaries. Narcissists however are different. Nothing they want is wrong or unhealthy in their minds. If someone is hurt or offended by their actions, clearly that person has a problem, not the narcissist.
If you’re involved with a sexual narcissist, the best advice I can give you is RUN! They’re dangerous to your emotional health. If you do as they want, your self esteem will be obliterated because of the degrading things the narcissist forced you to do. If you refuse, they will destroy your self esteem by making you feel like the most awful, unreasonable & ugly person in the world for not being a willing victim to their depraved ways. They’re also dangerous to your physical health. They frequently get sexually transmitted diseases from their cheating ways & infect their partners.
Rather than deal with such dreadful outcomes, if at all possible get away from this person! Protect your physical & emotional health!