Tag Archives: MBTI

Signs Of Unhealthy Behavior In INFJs

Since  I first learned about the Myers Briggs personality test a few years ago, I’ve become fascinated with it, in particular my type (INFJ)  & my husband’s (INTJ).  It’s been very helpful in getting to know us both better.

Recently I learned about some of the signs of an unhealthy INFJ.  I realized I have too many of these qualities!  Since I know some of you who read my work are also INFJs, I thought you might want to learn this information too so you can work on getting healthier like I am.

Unhealthy INFJs excuse toxic behavior.  “He didn’t mean it- he was just tired.”  “She really cares, but isn’t necessarily good with words.”   Sound familiar?  I’ve noticed that I do this mostly when I’m under a great deal of stress.  I think it’s a coping skill- there is so much to deal with, I can’t cope with dealing with one more toxic person, so I excuse the behavior.  Since INFJs can be logical, not only emotional, it’s a good idea to look at  situations logically.  It helps you to see toxicity when it’s there.

Being over the top perfectionistic.  It’s a good thing to do things to the best of your ability.  But, being too much of a perfectionist can steal your joy.  It’s OK to make mistakes sometimes!  Everyone does.  Don’t let your self-esteem be too tied to what you do.  You are more than your accomplishments!

Always putting others’ needs ahead of yours.  It’s great to be selfless, but when other people come before you & your needs constantly, that is unhealthy!  It can lead to resentment, anger & burn out.  It’s ok to say no!  Your needs are just as valid as anyone else’s- treat them accordingly.  Remember to set & enforce healthy boundaries.

Walls are firmly built.  While it’s just smart to protect yourself, an unhealthy INFJ can build walls around themselves that are impossible for anyone to penetrate, even those close to us.  This can happen when we don’t resolve an issue.  An argument with my husband, even a minor one, that wasn’t resolved well can result in me building concrete walls around myself until it is resolved.  Walls also can happen when an INFJ is especially anxious or overworked.  Learn to recognize those walls, & why they’re in place, then deal with what made you build them.

Feeling responsible for everyone else’s feelings.  As INFJs, naturally we want to see other’s happy.  We want to cheer up our best friend when she’s sad or our husband after a bad day at work.  This is a wonderful trait, but when taken to the extreme, it is also extremely unhealthy.  Caring so much for others leaves no room to care for one’s self.  Remember that everyone is responsible for their own feelings.  It isn’t your job to take care of everyone’s emotional needs.

INFJs can be too passive.  Most INFJs are pretty laid back, content with letting others have their way most of the time.  While this isn’t a bad thing, when taken to the extreme, it can lead to the INFJ being taken advantage of.  Remember that it’s OK to ask people for things & to have your own way sometimes.

 

While learning you behave in these unhealthy ways can be discouraging, please don’t be discouraged.  The healthier you become & the more you heal emotionally, the more your behavior will change naturally.  You may not even work on these behaviors specifically, but one day realize you are no longer that way.

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health

Knowing Your Personality Type Can Help You, Even How You Heal From Narcissistic Abuse

I am obsessed with psychology.  I wonder why people do the things they do, what makes them tick.  I’m even hooked on the ID Channel & several of the true crime shows on that channel.

 

When a friend of mine told me about the MBTI test a couple of years ago, I was intrigued.  The Myers Briggs Type Indicator test is based on Carl Jung’s theory of personality types.  I took the test & when I read my results was shocked.  For the first time in my life, I realized I’m not the freak many people have said I am!  In fact, I’m quite typical of my personality type.  My type just happens not to be overly common.

 

Since that time, I’ve read a lot about my type & my husband’s as well.  It’s helped me so much to understand both of us better.  And, it helped me to understand the best ways to help myself heal from the narcissistic abuse I’ve experienced.  My type is pretty much even logical & emotional.  One thing that helps me is to understand the motivation behind the abuse.  I’ve come to understand why my parents are/were narcissists, why my father didn’t protect me from my mother’s constant abuse & that being a narcissist means everything they do is motivated by narcissistic supply.  Knowing all of that has helped me to understand completely that none of the abuse was my fault.  Realizing everything they do is motivated by gaining narcissistic supply also helped me when I was in relationship with my parents to be prepared for what they might do.  I could see things coming a mile away a lot of times so I wasn’t surprised when they happened.  I also figured out what I think my parents’ types were, which helped me to understand them better.  Granted most of our problems were due to their narcissism, but realizing that their personality types & mine were pretty much my polar opposite sure didn’t help the situation!  We just don’t really understand each other because our personalities are naturally very different.

 

Learning about your personality type can benefit you too, Dear Reader.  The more you understand yourself, the better you’ll be at finding ways to help you to heal.  It also helps you not to take the cruel criticisms to heart that your narcissistic parent said.  My mother in particular always made me feel like something was very wrong with me or I was crazy, so learning that I’m simply typical of my type was very freeing!

 

In case you’re interested, this is the test I took: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

 

If you decide to take the test, then learn all you can about your personality type.  I find this site to be quite useful:  http://personalitygrowth.com

 

There is one last link I want to share with you.  This one is about the unhealthy side of each personality type.  I found this to be beneficial because it shows you what behavior you are prone to if you’re dysfunctional.   https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2017/07/31/evil-versions-every-myers-briggs-personality-type/

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

How Much Do You Know About Your Personality?

A couple of years ago, two of my wonderful readers told me about the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (aka MBTI) personality test.  Since, I’ve become utterly fascinated with it!

 

This test gives you a four letter description of your personality.  I found it to be incredibly accurate for myself & my husband.  Here is the link if you want to try it: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

 

While I realize not everyone is as fascinated with psychology & what makes people “tick” as I am, I still recommend taking the test & learning as much as you can about your personality.  This is especially important to survivors of narcissistic abuse, I believe.

 

Whether the narcissist in your life was a parent, sibling or spouse, narcissists do a tremendous amount of damage, as you no doubt know all too well.  One thing they all try their best to do to their victims is to turn the victim into what they want that person to be.  Narcissists want victims to lose their natural, God given personality & become someone pleasing to the narcissist.  Before you realize that is happening, chances are you lost a lot of yourself thanks to the narcissist.

 

Learning about your personality type can help you to regain the part of you that was lost.  It also can help you to learn about things you never understood about yourself.  For example, I always thought I was weird.  I’ve been told it often enough!  I constantly try to understand people’s motivations & solutions to problems, when many people don’t bother with such things.  My mother used to criticize me as a child for “always thinking” because of this.  I took that to mean that something was wrong with me.  Once I learned of my personality type, I learned that there isn’t something wrong with me.  It’s just my natural personality, which happens to be the rarest one.

 

Another benefit of learning about personality types can happen when you learn the types of those in your life.  Since I learned my husband’s type, I understand him even better now than I did before he took the test.  And, as a bonus- he got interested in learning about his type as well so he’s developed a better understanding of himself.

 

Dear Reader, I hope you will take the test & learn about your personality & those of your loved ones as well.  The test only takes a few minutes & is free, but it can be very beneficial.

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Filed under Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism