Tag Archives: miserable

Miserable People Are Often The Most Abusive

Have you ever noticed how miserable narcissists are?  It seems like the higher on the spectrum a narcissist is, the more miserable that person is.

 

I think this is because narcissists do not have the skills or wisdom to know what to do to improve their situations.  In typical narcissist fashion, rather than try, they opt to make others just as miserable as they are or gain attention for their misery.

 

If you think about the narcissist in your life, how many times were you in a good mood, then that person did or said something that sent your mood rocketing downhill?  I bet that has happened a lot.  It has with me.  Narcissists cannot stand seeing other people happy, especially if they are unhappy.  If they can make you unhappy it makes them feel good, because they have power over you.  If they can control your emotions & have a strong effect on you, they think they must be powerful.  There is also the simple fact that they enjoy causing pain.  Making you unhappy is a win/win for the narcissist.

 

Narcissists enjoy misery so much, they even will cause their own misery.  I bet there are many, many narcissists unhappy in their marriage partly due to their own making.  Many times, my parents came to me complaining about the other & how miserable they were together.  Yet, when I saw simple changes they could have made to improve their situation, they refused to do those things.  They would say that was a bad idea, make excuses why it wouldn’t work or say things like, “I do too much already!  I’m not doing that for him/her too!  He/she is the one who needs to change!”

 

My late ex mother in-law used to tell me about her own mother, “She’s not happy until she’s miserable!”  That seems to be the same case for narcissists.  If they’re miserable, they can garnish sympathy, concern & attention.  If they appear to be a victim, then they also can gain pity.  And, if they can make you as miserable as they are, that’s an added bonus.  All of these things provide them with narcissistic supply.

 

When the narcissist in your life tries to ruin your good mood or trivialize your good news, just remember these things.  They are simply looking for narcissistic supply.  Do your best not to let them have it by remembering what they are up to.  That can help you keep your joy.  If they are miserable, that is their problem, not yours.

 

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism