Tag Archives: Mother’s day

Mother’s Day, 2017

The most dreaded day for adult children of narcissistic mothers, Mother’s Day, is upon us.

 

What are you doing today, Dear Reader?

 

I hope you are taking some time to celebrate yourself.  Whether you are a mom or not, you should be congratulating yourself.

 

If you’ve gone no contact with your mother, I know, today is especially hard.  You should be proud of yourself though- you made possibly the most difficult decision a person can make.  It’s incredibly hard to sever ties with your own mother, even when she is incredibly toxic, but you did it.  That takes a lot of guts!

 

If you haven’t gone no contact, but instead maintain a relationship with your narcissistic mother, you too should be proud of yourself.  It’s not an easy task finding a way to maintain your sanity with a narcissist, but you found a way that works.  That is something to be proud of!

 

If you’re hurting too much to celebrate yourself, I understand that.  Take time to grieve.  Cry, pray, write in your journal.  Having a toxic relationship with your mother is incredibly painful, & grieving it is totally normal. Maybe you need to take a day to grieve.  The more you face your pain, the more you heal & the less painful it becomes.

 

I know this day is a very difficult, painful one, it is for me too, but you can make it through!  xoxo

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How Was Mother’s Day?

Although I didn’t write a specific Mother’s Day post this year, I was thinking of everyone & praying for you.  I hope the day was a good one for all of you, in spite of your narcissistic mother!

 

I found some humor in the day.  The IFC channel showed “Mommie Dearest” over & over all day long.. guessing someone who thought of this has a bad or narcissistic mom.

 

I noticed my stats for this blog, & as usual, lots of people read my posts on the day.  It’s really sad, isn’t it?  So many people suffer on what should be a lovely day.

 

It’s hard to know what to do on Mother’s Day when you have a narcissistic mother, isn’t it?  I’ve done many things, such as spend time with my furkids, go out to lunch with hubby,  feel sad that my mother & I have such a lousy relationship, watch horror movies & yes, even watch “Mommie Dearest” today.  As a child, I spent the day with my mother, made her cards & other little gifts.

 

I think what is important is to do whatever feels right to you.  Some may feel the need to grieve their bad relationship with their narcissistic mother on Mother’s Day while others prefer to focus on doing something fun with their own children.  Some celebrate the ladies in their lives who have been good role models for them, others choose to ignore the day completely.

 

I really don’t see anything wrong with any of those options.  You need to do what you feel in your heart is right for you.  Coping with the pain of having a narcissistic mother isn’t easy.  There is no one size fits all solution, either.  Do what feels right to you, that gives you comfort, & ignore what anyone else has to say.  Self care is vital to your mental health, especially on one of the hardest days of the year.

 

 

 

 

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Mother’s Day

Since many of my readers also have narcissistic mothers & I’m sure dread this day, I thought I’d take a moment to wish all of you a peaceful day. May God bless you & comfort you today. I understand exactly how hard this day is, especially if you find you must deal with your narcissistic mother, so I hope you will find ways to be good to yourself today. Do something special just for you to brighten your day.

I’m praying for you today. Admittedly I pray for my readers often but figured today some extra prayer was called for. Sending everyone hugs!! xoxo

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Mother’s Day For Adult Children Of Narcissistic Mothers

Mother’s Day is fast approaching.  It is possibly the least favorite day of the year for children of narcissistic parents.  It’s so hard to find just the right card- something nice, but not too nice as you can’t stand giving her a card thanking her for always being there for you, for her unfailing love, etc. Then there is the gift- should you get her something?  If so, what?  Chances are she won’t like what you give her anyway, so is a gift even worth it?  And, we can’t forget the messages everywhere- on facebook, in stores, online- that say “Don’t forget your mother this Mother’s Day!” (as if we could forget her?!), “She’s always been there for you- give her *fill in the blank* for Mother’s Day!” & other such messages about how great Mom really is.  There are also friends & family who tell you that you should do something nice for your mother on Mother’s Day.  After all, if it weren’t for her, you wouldn’t be here!  She did the best she could!  She’s your MOTHER!!!  Can’t you just give her this one day?!

Mother’s day pretty much sucks for us who have narcissistic mothers.

If you too are dreading tomorrow, just know that you’re not alone!  Many others share your feelings of this disturbing day.

I would like to encourage you to take care of yourself as best you can.  Do what you feel you need to regarding your mother.  Give her a simple card &/or gift, or do nothing for her- whatever you feel in your heart is the right thing to do.  If you aren’t sure, pray.  God will guide you as to what is the best way to handle this.  Once you have done what you need to do for your mother, then let go of thinking about the day & take care of yourself.  If you have children, celebrate with them.  If not, enjoy your day however you see fit- go to a spa, buy the new book you’ve been wanting, spend the day at a museum.  Do something that you enjoy & that doesn’t involve anything to do with your narcissistic mother.

This may sound disrespectful to you, especially if you are new to learning about narcissism, but rest assured, it’s not.  Remember, people reap what they sow. Reaping & sowing a law of the universe- if you plant cantaloupe seeds, you get a harvest of cantaloupe, right?  It’s the same thing with behavior.  If you kick a dog every time every time he comes near you, he learns to run the other way when he sees you coming.  Adult children of narcissistic parents eventually behave much like that kicked dog- we eventually don’t want to spend time with our parents & will go to great lengths to avoid it.  It’s often not even a deliberate decision- it just seems to happen because we’re tired of the cruelty.  That is your narcissistic mother reaping what she has sown.

So I encourage you- enjoy Mother’s Day your way, guilt-free!  What can you do to make it a good day for you?

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Last Minute Mother’s Day Thoughts For Abused Daughters

Good morning, Dear Readers.

As Mother’s Day approaches, I know many of you are suffering, because your mother was (probably still is) abusive.  It doesn’t help that everywhere you turn, commercials, ads & even well meaning but oblivious people are telling you to celebrate your mother tomorrow.  After all, she’s the only mother you’ll ever have, & she won’t be around forever!!

..sighs..

My heart goes out to each of you, & I’m praying for everyone reading this to have peace tomorrow.  I’m sorry for not only the abuse you have endured & continue to endure, but for the guilt trips you undoubtedly hear each Mother’s Day.  Ignore the guilt!  While your mother deserves basic respect because she is your mother, that doesn’t mean you need to praise her endlessly for being a fantastic mother if she wasn’t. 

“But it’ll hurt her feelings if I don’t make a big fuss!”   You may be thinking.  True, but did you ever think that if she wanted you to treat her well, she should have treated you well?  We reap what we sow, according to Galatians 6:7-9.  Your mother is no exception.  If you can’t make yourself buy her an overly sweet, sentimental card & a fancy gift, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or a bad daughter- it means she is reaping what she has sown.  How can sowing seeds of name calling, ridicule, mind games or physical or sexual abuse create a harvest of love, deep respect & the desire to praise?  That’s like planting green beans & expecting a harvest of apples!

Take care of yourself, Dear Readers, & don’t forget to be good to yourself tomorrow!  Whether or not you have children, chances are you mother someone.  A niece, nephew, a friend or neighbor’s child or even pets like me.  Do something nice for YOU!  Tomorrow & every day.  ❤

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Mother’s Day Is Coming

Good afternoon, Dear Readers.

I turned on my television today, & in a very short span of time, saw more ads regarding Mother’s Day than I can remember.  I quickly turned it back off rather than listen to the drivel about how wonderful all mothers are, & how much they deserve jewelry & flowers on May 11th. 

Since I’m hardly the only daughter of a narcissistic mother, I thought I’d write about what Mother’s Day can mean to us.

It is the day we dread most of the year, isn’t it?  It certainly is for me.  It’s so hard to want to celebrate your mother when she has done her best to make your life a living hell ever since you were born.  Plus, you know she expects admiration, gifts & cards.  Not fun.  Especially when it seems like everyone thinks you should fawn all over your mother, no matter how she treats you.

Society can be so dysfunctional.

I know all too well that commandment that says we should honor our parents.  However, I don’t believe it’s honorable to shower any abuser, even a parent, with insincere praise & gifts.  Honoring someone God’s way means showing them respect & courtesy, not being fake.  Besides, such a demonstration rewards bad behavior.  It shows your mother she can do anything to you that she wants to do, & you still will pamper her.  How is that honorable?

So what is a good, honorable way to handle such a difficult day with your narcissistic, abusive mother?  To start with, pray.  Ask God what He wants you to do, & how to handle Mother’s Day.  He will give you the best advice you can ask for.  Also, follow what you feel in your heart that you’re capable of doing.  If it isn’t much, don’t feel bad!  Any abusive mother is blessed if her adult child has any relationship with her at all, because even if she has changed for the better, child abuse causes pain & scars that last a lifetime.  By having a relationship with your narcissistic  mother, you’re showing what a kind, good person you are.

Whatever you do for your mother, do it with excellence.  I’m not saying buy her a huge diamond ring when you barely can pay rent.  What I mean is do your best even if it’s something small.  Every year, I mail my mother the nicest, prettiest card I can find.  I know she takes the messages to heart in cards, so I find the prettiest one I can find, with a picture I know she’ll like, & the simplest verse.  Something like, “Happy Mother’s Day!  Enjoy!”  I’m not above finding a pretty, blank on the inside card if I can’t find one that is simple enough for my liking.  I can’t feel right about giving my mother some fake, “You’re the best mom ever!” kind of card that I don’t mean.  But, I’m fine with a pretty card wishing her a nice Mother’s Day.  And, she seems satisfied with the cards.  It works for us both.

Granted, what I do for my mother isn’t much compared to others, but I’m honestly not capable of doing more after a lifetime of abuse.  I believe God prefers His children to be sincere rather than phoney.  You need to remember that what you do to genuinely bless your mother, on Mother’s Day & every day, will give you peace, & God will be proud of you.

Also, don’t forget to be good to yourself on Mother’s Day! Whether you have kids or furkids like I do, you’re still a mom! Or, if you don’t have either, that’s ok- take care of yourself on a difficult day. You deserve it! 🙂

There is one last thing I feel I should share with you.  I’ve often berated myself for not being a better daughter- for not calling my parents more often, or suggesting we do things together. (Usually this happens around Mother’s or Father’s Day).  Sadly, I can’t make myself improve in these areas- I’ve tried!  But do you know what?  After praying about it, God showed me that under the circumstances, I’m not a bad daughter.  My parents have abused me, & shown no remorse for it.  They’re lucky I speak to them at all, & me not wanting to spend time with them is normal.  They are reaping what they’ve sown.  Keep this in mind regarding your situation, too.  Everyone reaps what they sow, whether they sow good or bad things.  I know it can be hard to remember sometimes, but remember it anyway.  ❤

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May 12, 2013

Happy mother’s day to all of you!! For those of you with bad relationships with your mothers like me, I feel your pain- today is a very challenging day. One thing that helps me on this day is to remember the following verse…

Psalm 27:10 Amplified Bible (AMP)
Although my father and my mother have forsaken me, yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child].

Whether you have children or pets, or none at all, enjoy the day today! If you have a bad relationship or none at all with your mother, be gentle with yourself today. Do something nice just for you! ❤

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