When you first learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it can seem like you see narcissists everywhere. I think it’s easy to become hyper alert to any signs of narcissism after suffering so many traumas at the hands of a narcissist.
While narcissism is quite prevalent in society, not everyone you suspect is a narcissist is really a narcissist. Thank God for that, am I right?!
There is one red flag though that people need to be aware of. It can be a sign of narcissism, but isn’t always. Even so, it’s a sign of a tendency to be controlling.
Whenever you say something about an opinion & the other person disagrees, that is a red flag. While everyone disagrees sometimes even in close relationships, that shouldn’t be the norm, especially telling you that your opinion is wrong.
An example is someone telling their friend, “I really love that new movie! It’s the best movie I’ve seen in a long time!” The other person has seen the movie as well, & responds with, “No, that movie is lame. That other new movie is way better.”
See what happened? The second person told the first person their opinion is wrong. Opinions aren’t right or wrong, they just are. Telling the first person their opinion is wrong can be a way to appear superior, as if they know better. It also can be a control tactic by shaming a person into changing their opinion to the other person’s. Either way, this seems to be a habit with some people, & it’s a habit that can make a person unsafe even if they aren’t a narcissist.
This habit also is often done to people that are viewed as “less than” they are. Poorer, not as intelligent, not as active in a church, not as successful in their career are some examples of a person who may be viewed by others as “less than.”
The same people who behave this way often get along much better with someone they think is “better than” them, such as someone who is wealthier, smarter, more successful, etc.
While this behavior certainly isn’t the worst form of abuse a person can inflict on another, it still should be considered a red flag. It’s a form of gaslighting.
My ex husband behaved this way with me even early in our relationship. It bothered me but at that time, I was young, in my late teens, & didn’t know anything about red flags back then. I just remember feeling shame & like he was so much smarter than I, so I should learn from him. Over time the behavior became much worse. It got to the point I felt as if I was incredibly stupid, & he was incredibly smart. I listened less & less to my own feelings & perceptions. On the rare occasion I spoke up, he made me feel even worse about myself.
Does this behavior sound familiar to you? If so, you’re not alone!
First off, never forget to pray! Ask God to help you to know the truth, ask Him if the other person is right or wrong & why & anything else you can think of.
Also never forget this type of behavior is abnormal. Someone who behaves like this clearly has issues. This may be a sign that you need to reconsider being a part of a relationship with someone who behaves this way.
When you have doubts about what they, it say shows you know the real truth, so remember what you know. Don’t let the other person convince you of anything else.
If you struggle with what they say, document everything. Writing things down brings a lot of clarity. It can help you to stay focused on the truth & show you just how bad this person’s behavior really is, which can help you to decide whether or not to continue the relationship.
I wish you the best in your situation!