Tag Archives: opinions

People Who Believe Their Opinions Are The Only Right Ones

Recently I saw something on facebook.  The post was about how single women without children rank highest in happiness according to some study.  I didn’t read the article to know who did the study or any details of it, but I did notice the comments on the article.  They were shocking to say the least.

Some people said of course they are, because single, childless women aren’t tied down to lazy husbands & bratty kids or similar, very negative comments.  Other people said it’s impossible for a single, childless woman to be happy because God made human beings to be married & make a family together.   People on both sides of the argument were extremely adamant that they were completely right, & the other side was completely wrong.

I’ve noticed this same scenario with other topics, such as eating meat versus being vegetarian.  Frankly, I find it utterly disturbing!  There are many issues like this that aren’t black & white, right or wrong.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with people’s beliefs on either side of many issues.  What is wrong is the fact that some people think it is their right to push their views onto other people as if their views are the only right ones.  It’s controlling, very disrespectful & even typical of many narcissists.  This behavior becomes even more disturbing to me when the pushy person claims to be a Christian.

The Bible states that Christians aren’t to judge other people, according to Romans 2:1 & Matthew 7:1 just to site a couple of examples.  We are only to judge things in a discerning way.  We are to judge if someone or something is good or bad for us.  We are to judge our own words & behavior, doing & saying what is Godly & avoiding things that aren’t.  Judging for the purpose of criticism or as an attempt to change someone however is a big problem.

Clearly it is wrong to judge a person for doing something that isn’t wrong.  For example, if someone prefers to remain single then as a Christian, it isn’t your place to tell this person how wrong & evil they are for their choice!  Their choice is hurting no one, it works well for them, & God isn’t going to condemn this person to Hell for not wanting to get married.  If God doesn’t have a problem with the behavior, people shouldn’t either. 

Romans 14:1-4 in the Amplified Bible explains the best way to handle differing opinions.  It says, “1As for the one whose faith is weak, accept him [into your fellowship], but not for [the purpose of] quarreling over his opinions. 2 One man’s faith permits him to eat everything, while the weak believer eats only vegetables [to avoid eating ritually unclean meat or something previously considered unclean]. 3 The one who eats [everything] is not to look down on the one who does not eat, and the one who does not eat must not criticize or pass judgment on the one who eats [everything], for God has accepted him. 4 Who are you to judge the servant of another? Before his own master he stands [approved] or falls [out of favor]. And he [who serves the Master—the Lord] will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.” 

I know there are times it can be extremely difficult when someone’s thinking is much different than yours.  Rather than get into a disagreement though, keep in mind what Romans 14:1-4 says.  Let that person have their beliefs without your criticism.  If they opt to criticize you or try to change your thinking, don’t get drawn into a disagreement.  Each of you is entitled to your own opinion.

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Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Narcissism

Watch Out For This Red Flag

Some time ago, I got a virus via Facebook messenger.  I quickly realized it went out to about everyone I have spoken with, whether the person was a friend I spoke with often or someone I spoke with once or twice.  Upon realizing that, my heart sank.  I have saved quite a few pretty horrible messages that my family sent me in the archived folder on messenger in case I would ever need them to show the police.  I never read them, only the first few words that show up as a preview, but I saw enough to know they were horrible, especially the ones sent when my father was dying in 2017.  The experience with the virus gave me emotional flashbacks when I thought of potentially dealing with these people again plus when I had to check those saved messages to see if those people had received the virus.  Thinking about my family reminded me of some of the terrible things people have said to me since I started being open about the narcissistic abuse I’ve lived through. 

Although many things people, mostly my so called family, have said to me was terrible, what they said wasn’t what bothered me the most.  Their opinions aren’t important to me.  What bothered me most was the complete lack of respect they demonstrated by forcing their opinions on me as if those opinions were the only thing that mattered in the world.  My experiences & pain meant nothing to them.  All they cared about was being heard. 

The same thing happened when I broke my engagement with my now ex husband.  People kept telling me how sad & miserable my ex was without me, so I should get back to him.  No one seemed to care about anything I wanted to say, including how miserable I was with him.

People have a need to be heard.  It is something that seems to be with people from birth.  There is nothing wrong with it.  There is, however, something very wrong with people whose need to be heard is greater than displaying other people love, compassion & respect.  It shows a great deal of selfishness if not outright narcissism in a person who needs their opinions & thoughts to be heard above all else, even when they know they are hurting the person who they are speaking to. 

The one silver lining in this is that people who behave this way are showing you a red flag.  In fact, that red flag is less like a red flag & more like a giant glowing neon sign that flashes.  This behavior clearly screams many things such as, “I think I am more important than you!”  “What I have to say is much more important than anything you can think of to say!”  “I have zero interest in anything you think or feel!”  “I have zero respect for you!”

Sadly the world today is full of people who seem to think their thoughts & opinions are so important they must be shared with anyone & everyone, no matter who gets hurt.  Dysfunction & even narcissism are in epidemic proportions.  Once you begin to notice this behavior, you are going to be shocked just how many people do this in how many situations.  Use this as a learning experience.  Remember what this behavior says about a person. 

This also may make you appreciate more than ever those people in your life who aren’t this way, those people who listen without talking over you to share their thoughts, & those who truly want to hear what you have to say.  If this happens, let them know how grateful you are to have them in your life!  They will appreciate the complements more than you know, & your relationship will get even closer.

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Filed under Mental Health, Narcissism

Some Random Thoughts

In all honesty, I’m NOT at all interested in politics & I’m sure this will be my only political post ever.  I have a hard enough time managing my own life without the responsibility of learning about candidates & issues.  As irresponsible as that may seem to some folks, it’s the truth.  That being said, I do have one issue that is sticking in my craw.  Today as the 45th president is sworn into office, I thought it might be a good time to say it.

 

There is no real respect for the office of the President anymore.  Listen to how people talk about various Presidents & you will see this is true.  They are often called awful names rather than people simply disagreeing with their decisions & actions.  People who don’t share the opinions of those who dislike Presidents are ridiculed, told how stupid they are & also called awful names.

 

And just for the record- I’ve seen this behavior in both conservative & liberal minded people, so I’m not trying to criticize any one political affiliation.

 

If this describes your behavior, then please think about the things you say!  Like a President or not, he is in an extremely important job that is also incredibly stressful & challenging.  Would you want that kind of pressure, running the country?  I certainly wouldn’t!  They are men of great power, sure, but they are also human beings, so this position must be very hard on them!  I once heard someone say Presidents often age in “dog years” because of the stress of their position.

 

How about rather than criticizing Presidents, praying for them instead?  For a past President, why not pray for them & their families to know the love of God?  If they have health problems, pray for their health.  Ask God to bless & take care of them.  For the current President, why not ask God to guide his decisions, to give him wisdom, compassion, discernment, strength & courage?  And, let’s not forget those who work under the President.  They may have less responsibility than he does, but they support him.  They also need wisdom, compassion, etc., & certainly could benefit for your prayers.

 

And, don’t forget- people don’t  have to agree with you 100% about everything.  Just because someone disagrees with your views doesn’t necessarily mean they are stupid or against you.  It simply means they think differently than you do about something.  Different doesn’t equal bad!

 

I hope straying so far out into left field doesn’t offend you, Dear Reader.  I mean no offense at all.  I just hope to raise some awareness to what seems to be an all too common problem in society that I believe needs to change.

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Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Miscellaneous

Controversy & Friendships

There have been a great deal of controversial things happening in the world lately, such as same sex marriage becoming a nationwide right. People often have extreme feelings on controversial issues.  So extreme in fact, many friendships have ended due to people disagreeing with each other.

This makes me sad.  I don’t understand why people won’t respect each other’s opinions.  Agree to disagree, if you will.  You don’t have to agree on every single thing to have a good relationship. No two people will anyway, because God made everyone an individual, with unique tastes, thoughts & feelings.

Disagreeing with someone’s views on a topic doesn’t give you the right to force your views on them.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, whether it’s right, wrong or indifferent.  If God Himself doesn’t force people to do anything, what makes you think you have that right?

I’m hoping, Dear Reader, that this doesn’t describe you. But, if it does, I pray God will help you to become more gentle & understanding in your behavior.

If you’ve been on the receiving end of harsh words due to a differing opinion, I’m very sorry.  It’s hurtful, I know.  If you haven’t lost your friend because of your views, but you two disagree, it may be a good idea simply to avoid discussing the topic.  If you have a good friend, yet you both feel strongly on different sides of a topic, why let that one thing hurt your friendship?  Agree to disagree.  Simply accept that you both feel differently on the issue at hand, & don’t discuss it anymore.  This really works if both people value the friendship & are willing to do this.  I’ve done this myself in my friendships, usually with good results.

Sometimes though, it doesn’t turn out as well.  Some people are so determined to make sure you hear their opinions & change yours to theirs, it will ruin a friendship.  They always remind me of this one dream I had last year.  I wrote about it here if you’d like to read it.  I’ve been in that situation too, & it really hurts.  A few years ago, I ended a friendship of 20 years because that person only cared about what he cared about, nothing else mattered, even hurting me.  It still hurts to this day.  Unfortunately in these situations, you’re going to hurt.  It’s just a fact.  All you can do is nurse your wounds, & appreciate the good, caring friends you have who are willing to accept you even if you differ on opinions.

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Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health