Tag Archives: outcast

It’s Good Being The Black Sheep!

As a black sheep, I have plenty of experience in the role.  I hope my thoughts here help my fellow black sheep!

To be a black sheep in your family, you have to be very different from that family.  We’re labeled that way because we talk truth rather than denial & we aren’t willing to live in the same dysfunctional patterns as our relatives.  Rather than that being a good thing, we’re ruthlessly judged & criticized for not following in our family’s dysfunctional footsteps.  Rather than applaud our courage for breaking the cycle, we’re called things like crazy & ungrateful, & treated as if we’re the scourge of the earth for going against “family”. 

You also can marry into a family where you’re the black sheep.  I’ve done this as have many other women I know.  My mother in-law hated me from when we first met, which meant her two daughters did as well.  I am very different from all of them.  My interests, beliefs & more are different than theirs.  These differences were obviously a big problem, among other things.  Not submitting to their control was a problem, too.  If I just would’ve let them mold me into whatever they wanted me to be, they might have been able to tolerate me.

It’s not easy being a black sheep because of such treatment.  Your own flesh & blood being so cruel hurts.  Not only their words, but their betrayal too.  Or, in the case of in-laws like mine, it’s frustrating because you never had a chance.  Nothing you could’ve done or done differently would’ve made any difference. 

In these situations, I believe that feeling your emotions is important.  It’s ok to be sad or angry that things are as they are with your family &/or in-laws, or that people you thought loved you would turn their back on you.  It’s ok to be sad or angry that the family of the person you love has so little love & respect for that person, they can’t manage even basic civility to you, that person’s mate.  Any person with even a bit of love in their heart would be emotional about these things! 

Accept people.  This doesn’t mean you should tolerate abuse, of course.  It just means that you accept that these people are in a place of dysfunction & that means you two aren’t going to get along because you want to be healthy.  It’s comparable to a former drug addict.  That person isn’t going to spend time with his former dealer if he wants to maintain his sobriety!  If you want to maintain your functional ways, you’re going to have to avoid dysfunctional people.

Recognize that their mistreatment of you isn’t personal.  It’s merely their dysfunction coming out.  When my father was dying & my family attacked me for not going to say goodbye, God showed me that it had nothing to do with me or my father.  It was about them maintaining their delusions.  My not going was proof our family wasn’t perfect, which is a truth they were unable to accept.  This seems to be common among family members who shun the black sheep.

If you think about it, do you really want to fit in with people like this?  I thought about my family in this context.  Almost every person is fake, judgmental, critical, hypocritical, greedy, wicked & more.  Not long after my mother died I learned a couple of relatives conned a great deal of money out of her after my father died.  How despicable!  I have NO desire for anyone like that in my life, family or not.  If you think about it, you may feel the same way. 

If you’re struggling with your black sheep role, always remember you can talk to your Heavenly Father about it.  God will help you to cope & give you comfort.  Let Him!  He’s more than happy to do that for you.

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