Tag Archives: pessimistic

Being Positive Doesn’t Fix Everything

I’ve been seeing so much lately about thinking positive, how a positive outlook can fix any problem in life.  It sounds great, but I disagree.

Thinking positive is certainly a good thing.  It can help you not to be discouraged or depressed.  In fact, I even have what I call “Positive Monday” every week in my facebook group, where I share something good in my life & encourage others to do the same.  That being said though, sometimes you have to be real.  There is nothing wrong with being upset when something bad happens.  It’s ok to grieve & be negative for a while after losing a loved one, being unfairly fired, finding out your spouse cheated on you or being mistreated.

Also, being realistic rather than optimistic helps you to avoid being constantly disappointed.  Optimists are constantly disappointed, because they naively expect everything to turn out well.  Unfortunately for them, that isn’t realistic!  Sometimes life is great & things turn out well, but not always.  I am a firm believer in hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.  For example, last February when I got carbon monoxide poisoning & a concussion when I passed out from it, I did a lot of research on both.  I learned that recovery is very long & slow, & in many cases, a person never fully recovers from carbon monoxide poisoning or a brain injury, even a so called mild one like a concussion.  While I hoped to be one of the few to fully or nearly fully recover, I accepted the fact it may never happen.  My symptoms have not improved in a long time, & I accept that.  I’m disappointed, sure, but not devastated because I knew it was possible, which I believe is about as well as can be expected under the circumstances.

Positive thinking also won’t heal you from the effects of abuse.  What will help you is to face what happened head on, talking about it, praying about it, getting angry about it then forgiving the person who hurt you.  Ignoring it or making excuses for the abuser (“he was abused as a child”, for example) does not benefit anyone, least of all you.

I just wanted to encourage you today, Dear Reader, to have some balance in your thinking.   There is no shame in being realistic rather than optimistic.  There is no shame when positive thinking doesn’t fix everything for you.

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

How To Have Inner Peace

I was thinking this morning about how blessed I am.  My youngest kitty, Punkin, brought this on.  He came to me & dropped his favorite toy at my feet. I thought how sweet he was, giving me his precious possession.  Then I quickly realized he wanted me to watch it while he played with another kitty, Chester.  His silliness made me smile, as always.

Punkin came into my life one week after losing my Georgie, as a gift for my cousin who was looking for a cat.  I was going to take him to her the day of her mother’s memorial service.  It seemed perfect- she would have some comfort & a young, fun kitty to help her get through.  But then I woke up sick on that day, & couldn’t go to my aunt’s service.  I was going to take Punkin to my cousin a few days later, but he quickly adopted us, & thankfully my cousin understood this,as she understands cats as well as I do. (Side note- happily, shortly after, adopted 2 beautiful shelter cats).

This worked out well, because Punkin has PTSD (yes, cats can have it too!  I’ve seen him have a flashback) & is blind in one eye.  He needs someone home with him often, as he has bad separation anxiety (although it’s improving greatly).  My cousin works full time, so this wouldn’t have been good for Punkin.  It was, however, very good for me.  I ended up with this sweet, gentle, goofy kitten who I understand well & he understands me well. We understand being hypervigilent & how sudden loud noises make us jump out of our skin.  When things happen, we just look at each other knowingly.  Sharing PTSD has given us a very strong bond.

After the last couple of weeks with my father having all these health problems& spending so much time with my narcissistic mother, it felt good to have something very positive to focus on.  There’s been such an influx of negative things lately, it was making me very depressed.

What you focus on has a lot to do with your attitude & whether you feel joy or not.  Unlike many people though, I don’t necessarily believe that only thinking positively is the healthiest thing to do.  I believe it makes more sense to be realistic. Certainly hope for the best, believe God will bless you, but know that sometimes bad things happen.  Bad things are a part of life as much as good things are, if not more.  But the good news is as a Christian, you will be OK! In John 16:33, Jesus says, “I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]”  (AMP)

An overly optimistic attitude just isn’t healthy.  In fact, I read recently (unfortunately I can’t recall where) that optimists commit suicide most often.  Not pessimists as you might expect- optimists.

I believe balance is the real key to having peace & a good attitude.  Knowing & accepting that bad things will happen, but when they do, know Jesus has given you the ability to deal with them.  That gives you peace even during the bad times.  And also knowing that good things can & will happen gives you hope.

Also, when surrounded by bad things, try to find good things to focus on when you can.  I let myself get too focused on the bad things these last couple of weeks. I should have spent more time focusing on the blessings in my life, like my little Punkin.  I believe that being grateful for the blessings in your life is a key to happiness.

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Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health