Tag Archives: psychology
A couple of years ago, two of my wonderful readers told me about the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (aka MBTI) personality test. Since, I’ve become utterly fascinated with it!
This test gives you a four letter description of your personality. I found it to be incredibly accurate for myself & my husband. Here is the link if you want to try it: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
While I realize not everyone is as fascinated with psychology & what makes people “tick” as I am, I still recommend taking the test & learning as much as you can about your personality. This is especially important to survivors of narcissistic abuse, I believe.
Whether the narcissist in your life was a parent, sibling or spouse, narcissists do a tremendous amount of damage, as you no doubt know all too well. One thing they all try their best to do to their victims is to turn the victim into what they want that person to be. Narcissists want victims to lose their natural, God given personality & become someone pleasing to the narcissist. Before you realize that is happening, chances are you lost a lot of yourself thanks to the narcissist.
Learning about your personality type can help you to regain the part of you that was lost. It also can help you to learn about things you never understood about yourself. For example, I always thought I was weird. I’ve been told it often enough! I constantly try to understand people’s motivations & solutions to problems, when many people don’t bother with such things. My mother used to criticize me as a child for “always thinking” because of this. I took that to mean that something was wrong with me. Once I learned of my personality type, I learned that there isn’t something wrong with me. It’s just my natural personality, which happens to be the rarest one.
Another benefit of learning about personality types can happen when you learn the types of those in your life. Since I learned my husband’s type, I understand him even better now than I did before he took the test. And, as a bonus- he got interested in learning about his type as well so he’s developed a better understanding of himself.
Dear Reader, I hope you will take the test & learn about your personality & those of your loved ones as well. The test only takes a few minutes & is free, but it can be very beneficial.
Thanks to a recent discussion with two of my wonderful fans, I learned about a fascinating personality test based on Carl Jung & Isabelle Briggs Meyers’ approaches to personality.
The test will result in a 4 letter description of your personality & explanation of what it means.
I would really like to recommend you take this test & learn what your personality is. Truly, it is a very eye opening, enlightening experience.
I learned I’m an INFJ personality, which means Introverted, INtuitive, Feeling, Judging. This happens to be the rarest personality type (which I think is pretty cool!). Reading about INFJs has answered a lot of questions I had about myself. I always thought I was weird, but in fact, I’m not- I’m simply a typical INFJ personality.
On a whim, I also took the test for my narcissistic mother, answering the questions to the best of my ability, & she turned out to be an ESTP. The description sounded a great deal like her. No wonder we clash so badly- our personalities are entirely opposite.
In any case, learning about your personality type is very helpful. It will teach you why you are the way you are. It’s also very validating. As I said, I always thought I was weird & have come to realize I’m not. It also can teach you about yourself. Learning about my personality showed me exactly why I hated certain jobs but loved others, why people (even strangers) have come to me for advice, why I can be so obsessed with details & more. I feel like I’ve learned more about myself in the short time I’ve been reading about the INFJ personality than in the rest of my life.
I hope you’ll consider doing the same. Learning who you are, learning about your personality is not only fascinating but so helpful. And, if you’ve grown up with at least one narcissistic parent, then you never had much of an opportunity to get to know who you truly are. You learned who that parent said you were. Why not finally learn about the special person God made you to be?
Here is the test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
My mind wanders…a lot. Today, it wandered to something I’ve wondered about off & on for years.
Why is it that when a narcissist hurts someone, most people close to the narcissist & her victim are quick to defend the narcissist rather than the victim? Have you noticed this? People say you need to understand your narcissistic mother, be more patient with her, realize she was abused as a child, don’t forget- she’s the only mother you’ll ever have & she won’t be around forever, or a plethora of other reasons you should give her a free pass to abuse you. In fact, when I was seventeen & my mother’s abuse of me was at its peak, one of her friends (a school principal, by the way!) scolded me for giving my mother so much trouble, & for not appreciating how much my mother loved me. She claimed my mother did everything she did out of love for me. And, it isn’t just with a narcissistic mother this type of thing happens – I went through this with my narcissistic mother in-law as well, like so very many other frustrated daughters in-law. When my husband’s mother told me how ‘stupid’ my grandfather was (she never met him), or would criticize me, my family, my pets, my car, etc., my husband told me I needed to understand her, or that she simply didn’t know any better. His sisters have not once in the almost twenty years of our relationship acknowledged their mother mistreated me. They, too, don’t believe how devious their mother can be, instead believing her to be only sweet & naive.
Why does this happen? Are people afraid of a narcissistic rage if they disagree with the narcissist? Do survival instincts kick in, & people look to placate the more dangerous person for their own protection, while ignoring the fact the safer person has been mistreated? Or, is it something about the victim that says, “Sure, it’s ok- I don’t matter. It’s fine to treat me any old way you like!” After all, when you’ve been the victim of a narcissist, you are accustomed to being mistreated. Maybe some people unconsciously pick up on that, & assume you don’t object to how you’re being treated. Or, could they see you as the stronger, healthier person, more able to be the mature one in this situation? Whatever the reason or reasons, it is so wrong! God doesn’t defend abuse, & neither should anyone else! True, Godly love wants what is best for people, & abuse isn’t in anyone’s best interest! Not the innocent victim, nor the abusive person, determined to inflict pain. What is best for everyone is to treat each other with gentleness, love, understanding, wisdom & patience
Psychology fascinates me, so I can’t help wondering about this. What do you think? I would love to hear other people’s thoughts on this topic.
Hello, Dear Readers! I hope you’re doing well today on this lovely autumn day.
Yesterday it was 18 years since hubby & I went on our first date. Time really flies. It was a romantic date, & I remember it as if it was yesterday. To celebrate, we didn’t recreate it, but we did spend some quality time together at our favorite bar/restaurant on the water. We try to celebrate that day every year, & other special days, such as the day he proposed, the day we met, etc. Little celebrations are a good thing- they bring some much needed positive into life.
I also wanted to let yall know that Thursday, Dr. Karyl McBride, author of “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?” will be on the Dr. Phil show to discuss maternal narcissism. She is a lovely woman & her book is amazing. Check your local listings or http://www.DrPhil.com to find out when the show will air in your area. I’m looking forward to it myself. Dr. McBride’s book describes my mother well, so I’ll be very interested in watching this show! My parents watch the show daily, so I just pray they catch this one, & gain some insight.
By the way, there is another storm, what sounds like a milder version of hurricane Sandy, moving into the Maryland region on Wednesday. Be careful, my fellow Marylanders!
Have a great day! 🙂