When Family Objects To God’s Calling On Your Life

Family is supposed to be a safe haven, a place where although mistakes are made, everyone loves & supports each other.  They encourage each other to learn & to grow.  Sadly, this isn’t how families always work.  Sometimes, families are abusive & cruel, destroying each other physically, emotionally, spiritually & financially.  Some families are more interested in keeping up the appearance of being a loving family than actually working on being one.  Sometimes, families also put their wants above the will of God for each other’s lives, & people in this position are the ones I want to address today.

God created families to love, teach, support & nurture each other.  Sometimes though even families that do this don’t understand when one relative has a calling on their life that is out of the ordinary.  Their intentions may be good, but they still try to discourage that relative from doing what they know God wants them to do.  Then there are other families like mine.  Their intentions were anything but good when they tried to shame me for writing about the topics I do.  God showed me they did this to keep me from discussing topics that reminded them of their own pain or guilt for not helping me when I was being abused.

Being in such a position where people try so hard to discourage you from doing God’s will for your life can be so hard!  It makes you doubt, wondering if you really did hear God correctly.  It makes you feel embarrassed because people clearly think something is very wrong with you to be doing what you’re doing.  You also can’t help but feel like a fool.  But you know something?  If you keep doing what you know to do, you won’t regret it, & I’ll prove it.

Jesus Himself left His earthly family to pursue His heavenly Father’s will. He said in Luke 2:49, “And He answered, “Why did you have to look for Me? Did you not know that I had to be in My Father’s house?”  By stepping outside of his family’s expectations, Jesus was able to fulfill His divine purpose on earth.

God called Abraham to leave his family, his country, & his people to follow Him to a land that He would show him.  By leaving the familiar land of his family & stepping out in faith, Abraham was able to establish a covenant with God & become the father of many nations.

Ruth, a Moabite woman, chose to leave her family & homeland to follow her mother-in-law Naomi to Israel.  When she did this, she found favor with Boaz, a Godly man she later married.  Ultimately, Ruth became the great-grandmother of King David & part of the lineage of Jesus Christ.

I also can tell you from personal experience that although writing the topics I write about can be extremely difficult & painful when it forces me to remember my own experiences, it has been an incredible blessing too.  I have met some really wonderful people because of my work, several of which I’m happy to call friends.  I have received many messages from people saying how helpful something I wrote has been for them.  I also have the knowledge that I’m doing God’s will for my life, & that alone is incredibly rewarding,

If you want to do God’s will for your life & your family doesn’t approve, I encourage you to do it anyway!  Prioritize your relationship with God above everything else.  By spending time in prayer, Scripture reading, & worship, we can develop a deeper understanding of God’s will for our lives.  As we grow closer to God, He will guide us in how to navigate our relationships & responsibilities to our families. 

If He requires you to leave your family to do His will, you’re not alone!  You will survive it.  Even though it will hurt, the blessings well outweigh that hurt.  He certainly has done this for many people in the Bible & even with me.  He can do it for you too!

Doing Things Exellently

I recently watched a TV show about Freddie Mercury, the late lead singer from the rock band, Queen.  One of his friends quoted something he once said that I thought was wonderful.

 

If you, too, are a Queen fan, you know they created some pretty amazing songs, but not a great many of them.  According to this gentleman being interviewed, Freddie Mercury spoke about that to this man.  He said that he would only do, “quality & style, Darling.”  The man who single handedly wrote the incredible song, “Bohemian Rhapsody” obviously knew both well.

 

The fact is though that every single person has an individual path to follow in life.  Whether your path involves affecting the lives of two people or two billion, your path is important!  If it wasn’t, God wouldn’t have given you the purpose in your life that you have.

 

Since your purpose is important, why not take a page out of Freddie Mercury’s book, & focus on doing everything you do with “quality & style”?  No matter how many lives you will affect, you will affect lives, & don’t you want your effect to be a good one?  Then do whatever you do with excellence!  Do it with “quality & style, Darling!”

The Benefits Of Feeling Useful

If you’re a caregiver to an elderly parent or grandparent, there is a little something you need to know that will make your job more pleasant & improve the patient’s mood.

People need to feel useful.  Even if a person isn’t physically able to do much, that person still needs to feel like they are capable of doing things.  It can warm even the coldest heart when a person knows they have a purpose.

When collecting firewood for the winter, our neighbor helped out my husband.  He is in his late 70’s & has quite a few health problems.  Not only did he load his pick up full of wood, he helped my husband unload it.  He was obviously very proud of his accomplishment, as he should have been!

When I was helping to care for my narcissistic grandmother in 2000, it was not a pleasant experience.  She was a narcissist, & a very mean, cold, manipulative person.  One day, she wanted applesauce.  I assumed this meant she had a jar on a shelf somewhere, but I was wrong- she wanted homemade.  Since I didn’t know how to make it, she taught me.  That was one of only a couple of nice days I shared with my grandmother.  As we both peeled & cored apples, we talked.  She told me stories about her family as she showed me what to do.  It was a surprisingly pleasant day.  She was enjoying herself as she worked.

Although it’s no one’s job to make another person feel good about themselves, it’s a good idea to let people know how much you appreciate their help or what a good job they did so they feel useful.  It truly brightens their day & makes them feel good.

If you’re a caregiver, it is also a good idea to give someone you’re caring for tasks to do that you know they are capable of handling because a person who sits back & does nothing while others do everything can get depressed.  She may even feel like she has no reason to live, because she isn’t a contributing member of society anymore.  Or, if the person you’re caring for is a narcissist, she will love the fact she has people at her beck & call.  My grandmother was that way.  She had no problem demanding I come do something for her at any time, no matter what I had going on in my life.  One night at 9:30, when I was about ready for bed, she called my mother who had my father call me to tell me I had to get to her home right away.  Why?  Because when I wrote down her list of what medicine to take when, I scratched out something & she couldn’t read through the scratches.  I had to go to her house & explain that I’d made a mistake, that was why I scratched out what I had.  Just ignore it & focus on the things I’d written down.  *sigh*  Obviously it was all about control, but I was unaware of that at the time.

Even a malignant narcissist like my grandmother could be changed (temporarily but it still counts!) by simply making her feel useful.  Giving her small things to do that she was physically able to easily do made a difference in her behavior.

Also, if you give a task, do so respectfully!  Just because someone is older or frail doesn’t mean they are unworthy of respect.  Please & thank you are phrases that go a long way with someone!  And, don’t treat that person like a child.  That does NOT go over well, & understandably so!

Don’t forget too, to say you could use some help.  That helps to make the person feel  useful rather than feeling patronized.  With the applesauce, I made sure to tell my grandmother I needed some help that day since I had no clue what I was doing.  Once she realized she was being useful, her mood drastically improved.

This advice isn’t only for the elderly or sickly, by the way.  Everyone needs to feel like they have a purpose!

You Make A Difference, No Matter What You Do!- January 3, 2014

Good afternoon & happy new year!  I hope you’re enjoying 2014 so far.  🙂

I just thought I’d share a little something…

A few days ago, I was so frustrated with myself.  I want to finish the book I’ve been working on for a while, but I am having such trouble writing it!  I can think of where I want the story to go, but can’t seem to get that from my mind to the document.  My brain just doesn’t work like it once did thanks to Comlex PTSD, & it is so frustrating.  Add in the stress associated with the holidays, & I’ve really had a rough time trying to write.  I’ve barely touched the book in weeks because of this. 

I was praying about it the other day & God spoke to my heart something that I believe may benefit you as well as it did me. 

I told God I don’t want to be just a housewife- I feel useless.  It’s bad enough I was forced out of the work force when I was 19, but I thought I could at least write.  It’s a job, & it’s something I enjoy to boot.  Lately though?  It’s been frustrating & unproductive.  (Yes, I was whining.. I admit it!)  God spoke to my heart in that knowing feeling as He always does & reminded me that although I’m currently not cranking out lots of books, I’m taking care of 9 of His precious cats & 1 dog, which means the world to them, as well as to Him.  If it wasn’t for my husband & I, these sweet furbabies might not be alive today.  (Not trying to brag at all here- just stating facts.  Most of our cats were feral, & our dog was rescued from a puppy mill.)  Ok, I’m not saving all of the animals in the world, but I’m helping 10 of them, which is pretty good!  Including my precious cat, Pretty Boy, who has diabetes & liver problems & many people would have euthanized him long ago.  Instead, God entrusted him to my care & that of an absolutely awesome vet, & he is thriving in spite of his health concerns! 

God also reminded me that writing in this blog helps people- to know they aren’t alone, or aren’t the only one experiencing certain things.  Going through what I do with Complex PTSD is helping others to learn that they may also have this disorder, or, if they are unsure what is wrong, discussing my experiences may help them to understand what is going on.  I also share what helps me, which in turn helps others.  

If you too are feeling useless, or like you don’t make a difference, I believe God wants me to tell you the same thing He told me- little things do make a difference.  Don’t underestimate yourself!  Even if the only thing you do all day is smile at a stranger on the street, that makes a difference!  For all you know, that person could be contemplating suicide, & your smile showed him that someone really DOES care that he exists.  If you still are in doubt, ask God to show you how you’re making a difference, & what your purpose is (or I should say, purposes are- we all have many purposes!).  And remember, purposes can change.  For example, you may be called to be a wife & mother, but those children will grow up one day.  Then your purpose will change.

Just remember, you are loved & special, & no one can fill your shoes.  You are valuable to God, & to your fellow man! 

December 31, 2012

Good morning, Dear Readers! Happy new year to everyone!!!

It’s been an interesting morning around here for me..

To start with, I was watching Bishop T.D. Jakes preach this morning. I just love him- he is so inspiring! Today he was talking about how we have to see the big picture, not just the uncomfortable situation we’re currently in. He said it’s like trying to figure out what the puzzle is by looking at one piece instead of all the pieces put together. Cool, huh? I thought about it, & something popped into my mind. For the first eight years of my relationship with my husband, I went through hell with his mother & two sisters, but mostly his mother. She’s hated me from the day we met. At the time, I was miserable- coming from a dysfunctional background, I thought I could win her over if I would just do the right things. I wasn’t sure what they were, but I was determined to find out. Eventually, I realized that nothing could win her over, & that was fine. It didn’t mean, however, that I would continue to put up with hearing how disappointed she was her son married me, how terrible my family was, how I drove the wrong car, how I shouldn’t have cats, etc. I learned to set boundaries, & when they weren’t respected, I eventually severed ties with her. The whole experience actually turned into a good thing- I learned a lot about setting boundaries, & that I don’t deserve to be treated that way from my experience with my mother in-law & the two sisters in-law. Learning these things helped me to deal with other mean or even abusive people in my life, in particular my mother. That was a very big blessing for me- I always thought I deserved whatever abuse I received. Learning I didn’t deserve it, & learning how to stop tolerating it have blessed me more than I can say!

Secondly, I belong to a facebook group for daughters of narcissistic mothers. Every so often, they have “parties.” These are online chats run by a wonderful therapist/author. She offers prizes sometimes for what she believes is the best answer to her questions. I have only participated twice, today being the second time. The first time I won an autographed copy of her book, then I won a really cute totebag today! I also got a lot of comments on the few posts I made, saying things like, “Great advice!” This just made my day.. a few days ago, I was frustrated with some financial problems hubby & I are facing, & I was praying, asking God if I should go get a “real” job since so far, my writing hasn’t been overly profitable. Clearly He spoke to me saying I am where He wants me- home where I can take care of my furkids & write, & where I am available to help people. Today’s experience with that facebook party just confirmed that to me- I wouldn’t have been able to participate if I had a “real” job, because I would’ve been at work. It feels good, getting those confirmations, because then I know I am hearing from God as clearly as I think I am. He is so good!!!

I hope yall have a wonderful new year. My prayer for my fans is that 2013 will be full of peace, joy & blessings. God bless you!!