I’ve noticed that people respond very passionately to genuine people, either positively or negatively.
I realized something else about this phenomenon. The healthier a person is, the more positively they will respond to genuine people. The more dysfunctional, the more negatively they will respond to genuine people. This makes sense when you think about it….
Healthy people are genuine. If they’re having a bad day, they won’t deny it. They will say, “Today hasn’t been a good one” rather than pretend all is right in their world. Not to say they’re negative, of course, they’re just being real & admitting the truth. They also have no trouble admitting they make mistakes or have flaws. They don’t judge others for their mistakes or flaws either.
Dysfunctional people are very different. They value the appearance of good over what is real. I learned this when my father was dying, & various relatives attacked me for not going to say goodbye to him. Their daily influx of abuse was intense to say the least. One day, I asked God why they acted this way. He showed me that they were operating out of their own dysfunction. One of the reasons behind their behavior was they didn’t want to face bad or traumatic things. They clearly never dealt with their own traumatic experiences. They instead created this illusion that all was right in their world & everyone in our family was good. Me not being there for my father at the end of his life threatened this delusion by showing that things were so bad, I opted not to say good bye to my father at the end of his life. Rather than face the fact that maybe this delusion isn’t a good thing, they tried to force me to go along with their delusion so it could be reinforced. If I had gone, they would have had proof everything was good, & could continue in their dysfunction as they had before.
My situation with these dysfunctional people wasn’t terribly unique. Many of my readers have said they experienced something similar with their family. Sometimes it was when a narcissistic relative was dying, but not always. It also happened when some severed ties with a narcissist. They were attacked by their own family, those who should have been there to support & love them.
To sum it up, it seems to me dysfunctional people often treat genuine people like the scapegoat. They act like genuine people are the ones with problems, who are lying & nothing but troublemakers.
The more you heal from narcissistic abuse, the more genuine you will become. It just seems to be a natural event. Unfortunately, this can mean the dysfunctional people around you will be cruel to you for it.
My hope is that you will see the situation for what it is & not change your ways! Being genuine is a wonderful thing! It’s so refreshing in a fake world! Don’t try to change to please these people who are too dysfunctional to appreciate the real you. Instead, you just do what is right. Be genuine & if others don’t like that, remember that is not your problem. They are functioning in their own dysfunction. Their negativity or even abuse isn’t personal. It’s simply a reflection of their dysfunction rather than a reflection of you. They’re allowed to be dysfunctional if that is what they want to do. It’s certainly not a good choice but it is their right. And, you also have rights. You’re allowed to be functional & protect yourself from their toxicity.