Tag Archives: selfishness

Identifying Selfish People vs Narcissists

These days, it seems like narcissists are pretty much everywhere.  Yet, many people don’t understand there are differences between selfish people & narcissists.  Selfish people are called narcissists, when the simple fact is, they aren’t narcissistic- they’re just selfish.  And, narcissists are called selfish when in fact, they’re something much darker & more evil- narcissists.

 

Since selfishness is one of the main giveaways that someone is a narcissist, how does one discern a narcissist from someone selfish?  It can be done..

 

Here are 10 ways that can help you to discern selfish people from the narcissistic people.

 

  1. Selfish people are annoying, yes, but narcissists go beyond annoying with their selfishness.  Every single tiny thing can be turned back to them.  Selfish people will discuss topics other than themselves from time to time.
  2. Selfish people are capable of empathy.  Narcissists are not.
  3. Selfish people may not consider your feelings all the time, but they are capable of it & will do it sometimes.  Narcissists?  Not happening.
  4. Selfish people are capable of showing respect.  Narcissists are not.
  5. Selfish people aren’t necessarily envious of everyone they view as more attractive, more talented or more successful.  Narcissists are extremely envious.
  6. Selfish people don’t feel the need to brag about their great accomplishments, skills, looks, etc. like overt narcissists do, nor do they make a show of being a martyr or victim like covert narcissists.
  7. Selfish people can respect a person’s boundaries.  Narcissists refuse to respect boundaries.
  8. Selfish people change if you tell them that their behavior has hurt you.  Narcissists not only don’t change, but try to hurt you even more for daring to confront them.
  9. Selfish people are capable of giving genuine apologies.  Not so with narcissists.  They give fake apologies (“I’m sorry you think I did something bad to you”) or turn the situation around & claim they are your victim.
  10. If you confront a selfish person about something, they won’t rage at you or accuse you of being the selfish one (projecting their flaws onto you).  If you confront a narcissist, you can count on rage, projection or the silent treatment.

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Filed under Mental Health, Narcissism

March 23, 2013

Good morning, Dear Readers!  I hope this post finds you well today.

Again, I’m sorry for not posting more often.  It’s been a rough month.  Losing our dog on Feb. 21 was so painful, & the Complex PTSD has been really rough lately.  Maybe the grief has made the symptoms flare up.  I’ve been trying to be gentle with myself & recover, so writing hasn’t been happening.

I’ve noticed something lately that has irked me to no avail.  Selfishness.  As many of you know, I grew up with a narcissistic mother, so selfishness is nothing new to me.  However, lately, for some reason, it has made me so angry!  

Selfishness is at the root of a lot of awful, hurtful behavior.  As an example, in my post on February 23, 2013, I mentioned some of the heartless comments I heard after our dog passed.  I believe selfishness is at the root of them- my grief made some people uncomfortable, so they said stupid comments, thinking that would make me “get over it”  or stifle my grief, & they could be comfortable again.

Selfishness also is at the root of bad behaviors, such as the person who calls you only to gripe about their problems, & never asks how you’re doing.  It’s also the reason that people married to a narcissist will turn the angry narcissist’s attention to their child- so the child will be the focus of the narcissist’s bad behavior instead of them.  Meanwhile, this causes tremendous damage to the child’s mental health.  I should know- I’m living proof of this one!

The point is, there is a reason the Bible speaks against selfishness!  It is very damaging to relationships & the mental health of those of us on the receiving end of it.  I love Philippians 2:1-4 in the Message translation:

“If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.”

Isn’t that beautifully said?  It makes me want to be very aware of thinking of others rather than myself.  I hope it encourages you to do the same.  

I encourage you today to think of how you can bless others.  Smile at a stranger.  Tell your spouse how glad you are to be married to him or her.  Hug your kids (furry or human!) for no reason.  Complement freely.  Offer help to someone having trouble.  Be aware of the needs around you, & see if you can meet those needs.  If you are worried about being taken advantage of, then pray.  Ask God to help you discern who to help, & who not to help.

Lastly, while you’re blessing others, don’t forget to bless yourself.  Do a little something nice just for you, too!  Watch a movie you’ve been wanting to see with a bowl of popcorn.  Go to lunch with a friend.  Buy yourself a little something.  

Have a great day, Dear Readers.  May God bless every single one of you!  🙂

 

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health