Don’t Let Anyone Shame You For Expressing Your Feelings

Does someone you know make you feel ashamed for expressing how you feel?  Have people told you that you are trying to start trouble, being “too much” or “over the top”, oversensitive or overreacting?  This is a form of gaslighting that is designed to make you feel wrong for complaining about the abuse.  The truth is, you have the right to express your feelings, & no one should make you feel ashamed for doing so.

Narcissists often use shame to control their victims.  One way they do this is by making their victims feel wrong for complaining about the abuse.  They do this to make sure that their victims don’t speak up again.  This type of behavior is a way for narcissists to control their victims, & ensure they can continue to do as they please without any repercussions.

It is important to note that narcissists are not the only ones who use this tactic.  People who are dysfunctional & don’t want to change also use it as a way to remain in their dysfunction.  If they can make someone feel wrong & ashamed for expressing their feelings, chances are that person won’t speak up again if the dysfunctional person repeats that behavior or does something else hurtful.  This means that the dysfunctional person won’t have to face their own bad behavior or make any changes.

No matter who treats you this way & their reasoning behind it, remember that you have the right to express your feelings.  Your feelings are valid, & no one should make you feel ashamed for expressing them, especially if someone has treated you badly.  

The best way to protect yourself when faced with this sort of toxic behavior in your average dysfunctional person is to stand your ground, & not let them make you feel ashamed of your feelings.  Speak up & refuse to be silenced.  Your feelings are valid, & you should never let anyone make you feel wrong for expressing them.

When faced with a narcissist, speaking up & talking things out reasonably almost never works.  In those cases, you need to exercise wisdom & lean on God to show you how you can best handle the situation.  Be forewarned, sometimes He may guide you into doing something difficult that you would rather not do.  Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to stay quiet & remind yourself what the narcissist is doing to you so you don’t believe their lies.  Other times, He may guide you to let it all out.  Since narcissists often use emotional outbursts against their victims, that is rarely wise, but I have experienced some times when God has told me that the other person needed to see me behave that way because of something they have done.  If God truly guides you to do that, you can trust it is for very valid reasons, even if you don’t know just what they are.

It is never okay for someone to make you feel wrong for expressing your feelings. You have the right to speak up & express how you feel.  If someone is trying to shame you, it is likely because they don’t want to face their own behavior or they want to abuse you.  Remember that you are not alone, & there is support available if you need it.  You have people who love you & will support you.  There are plenty of online forums out there available, too.  My Facebook group is a safe place for people from all walks of life to find comfort & support.  Feel fee to check it out.

Share Your Story!

Recently I was talking with someone who made sure I know she believes my writing isn’t important, even knowing that I believe writing is one of my purposes in life.

*sigh*

This sort of thing happens a lot more often than I like.  My writing as well as what I write about are often trivialized.  I also know it happens to so many others who have been abused & share their story, which breaks my heart.  I’ve been dealing with invalidation for so long, that I’m used to it.  It makes me angry, but I know that what I said is valid, & people who invalidate others have issues.  Normal, healthy people respect other people enough not to trivialize their painful experiences, even if they don’t understand them or agree with them. Many others who experience this painful type of invalidation haven’t reached that place yet, & are discouraged or deeply hurt by such cruel words.  This makes me so angry, which is partly why I write about this topic so often.

I read something that explained beautifully why those of us who have been through abuse should continue to tell our story, & I wanted to share it with you today…

“There is nothing safe in sharing your story.  There is nothing safe about turning your own soul inside out with the details that come slowly or quickly, from shallow breaths or deep within, from the light or from the shadows.  There is nothing safe about sharing the images painted within your memories, the language that proves a life has been lived, the details scratched into paper from blood, from skin, from love, & fear.  Nothing protects what is spoken, read or heard.  There are no shields against bitter misunderstanding, jealousy or prejudice- yet we speak.  We sing.  We write in the hopes of changing the world.  We share the truth we have lived & the characters we have loved.  In moments of courage, we give it all away.”  – Mardra Sikora

Please remember this wonderful quote when someone tries to keep you quiet!  You have every right to share your story & to help others by doing so.  In fact, you should celebrate yourself by being brave enough to share your story & caring enough to do it in spite of your own fears!