I recently caught an episode of the true crime show “Evil Lives Here” on the ID channel. The episode was an interview with Debra, the ex wife of The Truck Stop Killer, Robert Rhoades. He is suspected of raping & murdering over 50 women from the mid 1970’s to 1990.
His ex wife mentioned how he was very particular about how she dressed & would tell her what to wear. She told the story of how one night he told her to wear a particularly sexy outfit so they could go to dinner. He failed to mention it was at a swinger’s club. He continually pushed the swinging issue even though from that night at the club she told him that wasn’t an option. He told her she was immature & “No other woman would feel this way” about it.
Her story horrified me because that is almost exactly how things were with my ex husband. He wanted me to look & dress a certain way. He also wanted me to participate in some sexual activities that I refused to do, then told me that “no other woman would feel that way about these things.” I also remembered how at the time of our separation, he was becoming quite fascinated with weapons & there were signs he had a real potential for violence. This made me thank God for getting me away from him safely!
This also made me think of the signs that a romantic partner is dangerous that he displayed. No doubt other narcissists display those same signs, so I thought I would share some of them today.
In the beginning, things are good, then suddenly they aren’t. In or out of the bedroom, the person you’re involved with wants to please you. Then suddenly, they lose interest in working so hard to please you. No explanation or evidence of why, they simply stop.
When the narcissist stops wanting to please you, & you ask what changed, they act like (or say) you’re imagining things or you’re crazy. They claim they haven’t changed, so since you think they have, obviously something is wrong with you. This obviously makes you very confused & willing to do what you can to please them so hopefully they’ll want to be that great person they were at first.
The narcissist wants you to look a certain way when you have sex. Many people want their partners to wear sexy lingerie, which naturally isn’t terribly uncommon. What is uncommon is how some narcissists pretty much demand it.
The more time progresses, the more unusual the sexual proclivities of the narcissist become. At first, the sex is pretty normal. Nothing really kinky. Then little by little, they try introducing new & more deviant things. The desire to have sex more often happens as they become more interested in these more deviant behaviors.
When you refuse to participate in the desired activities, the narcissist shames you. As I mentioned earlier, my ex would tell me that no other woman in the world would feel about doing what he wanted to do as I did. They also may call you immature, oversensitive, close minded & more.
If the activity causes you physical pain or risks your health, the narcissist won’t care. Since all that matters to a narcissist is what they want, if their desire causes you physical pain or puts your health at risk, that won’t matter.
No is never an option. If you’re sick, tired or simply not in the mood, that won’t be important to a narcissist. They want what they want, when they want it, & nothing else matters. I remember my ex punching walls when I was sick & told him I wasn’t in the mood.
Forcing sex isn’t too low for a narcissist. After all, what narcissists want is all that matters to them, so they have no trouble using physical force, manipulation or guilt to get whatever they want.
If your partner exhibits such behaviors, these are big red flags! Please protect yourself & get away from this person as soon as you possibly can! You deserve to be treated better than this & to be safe!