Narcissists are an incredibly difficult bunch. Usually, the best way to deal with them is not to deal with them. You see it everywhere, “Go no contact.” Sadly, that often is the only solution victims face if they want to protect themselves from the vile narcissistic abuse. However, severing ties with a narcissist is often very complex, & the problems don’t end just because you told this person you want him or her out of your life.
Narcissists don’t exactly handle rejection well, in any form. Many narcissists will lash out in all kinds of ways when their victim ends their relationship.
The smear campaign may be the most common tactic narcissists use after someone as ended a relationship with them. They tell everyone what a terrible person the victim is, how unreasonable, crazy & yes, even abusive the victim is. Overt narcissists most likely will use those words, but covert narcissists are much more discreet. Rather than say something obviously bad, they disguise their insult under a veil of concern. This way, they not only get to insult the other person, but people think they are kind for caring about someone who obviously was so mean to them. For example, they won’t say, “She’s crazy.” Instead, they may say something like, “Poor Sue.. I worry about her mental health. Things were getting really bad before she left me, & when she left, she didn’t even tell me what the problem was.”
Narcissists also may try to lure their victim back into the relationship. They try to accomplish this in various ways. One way is what is known as love bombing. The narcissist will inundate the victim with gifts, promises of change, sweet words pledging their undying love & more. This can be very difficult for a victim to resist, because the narcissist appears to have changed back into the good person the victim thought he or she once was. It’s very important to remember that this is most likely nothing but a ploy! Narcissists rarely see the error of their ways & improve their behavior. If this is happening to you & you’re wondering if the narcissist has changed, seriously examine their behavior. The narcissist should admit their behavior was wrong & accept responsibility for what they have done. They shouldn’t make excuses or blame you or anyone for what they did to you. They should be willing to do whatever it takes to gain your trust back, & be willing to wait as long as it takes to do that.
Another common ploy of narcissists is to stalk &/or harass a victim. If they can’t lure a victim back with sweet words & fake promises, narcissists aren’t above trying to wear down or scare a victim into coming back to them. They will overwhelm a victim with calls, texts, cards, letters, & social media messages. They may show up at places they know their victim frequents such as a favorite coffee shop or at work. The volume of their contact can be absolutely overwhelming & even terrifying. It’s no wonder many victims return to a narcissist at this point. Unfortunately, that is the biggest mistake a person can make, however! If this happens in your situation, ignore all contact. Block the narcissist’s phone number, email & social media accounts. When he or she creates a new one to contact you, block that one too. Keep blocking!
Lastly, another common ploy narcissists implement after a victim has gone no contact with them is their beloved flying monkeys. They send their wicked minions to talk to you on their behalf, to “talk sense” into you about how you should return to the narcissist. After all, she misses you so much, or he doesn’t mean those things he says- it’s just how he is. The best way to handle this situation is to refuse to discuss the narcissist in any capacity with this person. Flying monkeys are only loyal to their narcissist, not you. They don’t care how miserable the narcissist makes you, so this means they aren’t worth listening to.
Whatever the narcissist is doing to you after you implement no contact, I truly wish you the best. You can handle this situation. God will get you through it!