Ending a relationship with a narcissist is never easy for many reasons. One of those reasons is how they often behave after the relationship is over.
Most people are aware of some of what to expect after going no contact with a narcissist. They know about smear campaigns, harassment & stalking. What not everyone realizes though is there is more to what narcissists often do in these situations. Sometimes, narcissists simply vanish only to reappear at a later time in their victims’ lives. And often, they do this repeatedly.
This may not sound so bad at first but it is bad. Imagine the following scenario:
You think this awful person is out of your life once & for all. You finally are free of the constant abuse, the gaslighting, the isolation from your friends & family! For the first time in a long time, or maybe even the first time ever, you can live the life you want to live without the constant degradation & control. You are FREE!
A few months into your new life, you’re settling in & starting to relax & enjoy this newfound freedom. You’re healing from the damage & forming healthy relationships. Then suddenly, you receive a text from the narcissist. Then another & another. Before you know it, your social media message inbox fills up, as does your voicemail & email. These messages may not even be only from the narcissist, but the devoted flying monkeys who foolishly think they have the right to tell you that you need to contact the narcissist or resume the relationship. Your new feelings of peace & relaxation are being replaced quickly by intense anxiety, even if you don’t read or listen to the messages. You quickly block all means of contact, & the messages & calls naturally stop. Again, you think this is the end. And maybe it is, but just for a while. Then several months or even years later, the narcissist & flying monkeys start harassing you again & the intense anxiety returns.
This scenario is more common than you might think, & it happens all the time with narcissists.
If this happens to you, don’t think it’s because the narcissist loves & misses you. That isn’t the case because no matter how wonderful you may be, narcissists don’t feel normal emotions. The narcissist isn’t missing you at all. At best, he or she is missing the narcissistic supply you used to provide. As sad as that is, that is usually the best case scenario in these situations. Usually their motives are much worse.
Popping in their victim’s life after a long absence is one way narcissists continue to abuse their victims. They know their victim wants nothing to do with them, which is why they severed ties. By making random appearances, this keeps the victim mentally off balance. It creates terrible fear, because it makes victims wonder what is next & will this person ever stop? It also makes them wonder what exactly is this person capable of doing, & what is he or she up to?
Adding insult to injury is the fact that most narcissists tell their flying monkeys that they miss the victim so terribly, they’re miserable without that person & other lies. This often motivates flying monkeys to do whatever it takes to victims to attempt to force them to reenter the relationship with the narcissist.
If you’re in this situation, my heart goes out to you. I’ve been there & know just how horrible it is. The best things I can tell you are to ask God for wisdom in handling this situation, block every means of access they have to you, & document EVERYTHING. Laws regarding stalking & harassment are constantly changing, so your documentation may prove valuable. At the very least, it can provide evidence of bad behavior leading up to when they finally do break the law, & that can help you with law enforcement.