Good morning, Dear Readers. I hope this post finds you well today.
It’s been such a rough week here, first losing my sweet Georgie last Wednesday, then my dear aunt Sunday. And, icing on the cake is that my mother is mad at me. Yippie.. the only reason I can think of is either because I snapped at her recently during a conversation or because I didn’t call her on her birthday- I only sent a card. (It was the day I lost Georgie- I was hurting too much to talk to anyone).
I realized she was mad on Sunday. My husband, father & I were almost to my aunt’s home when my mother called my cell phone. She said my cousin called & said my aunt passed away, so we shouldn’t bother coming. When I spoke to my cousin later, he never mentioned saying that to her. She also didn’t call me or send a birthday card yesterday. She is using her favorite weapon- the silent treatment. A common weapon of narcissists. Funny thing though- I don’t know anyone who gets upset or feels bad when a narcissist stops speaking to them. Personally, I enjoy it! The timing works well for me, too. I need some time to take care of myself & grieve my losses without any stupid, unnecessary drama.
Besides, I am angry with my mother right now. When I was hanging out with my family Sunday, I was thinking how blessed I am. They are wonderful people. But, I didn’t even know they were until I was an adult. As a child, my mother kept me close to her side at family gatherings. I was barely allowed to speak to my paternal grandparents, aunts, uncles & cousins. My mother despises her in-laws, & always has, so she didn’t let me interact with them. Then, at age 17, my mother told me that my grandparents were ashamed of me. It wasn’t long after, my now ex-husband said my mother was right, & that they didn’t care about me at all. As a result, I stopped seeing my family completely for about 8 years.
I did end up contacting my granddad 3 years before he died. We quickly grew very close. I also was blessed with growing close to other relatives for the first time. I am extremely grateful for these relationships. However, I still have trouble releasing the anger I feel about my mother keeping me from my family in the first place. I don’t want to be mad anymore, but I just can’t seem to let it go, even though I’ve forgiven her for everything else. Please pray for me.
Oh, a side note- Granddad told me nothing could be further from the truth. He & Grandmom loved me a great deal…
I’m sorry this post isn’t inspirational or informative today. I hope it at least let’s other children of narcissistic parents know you aren’t alone. ❤