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Helpful Tips For Coping With Narcissists

Most Christians, even new ones, have heard of the armor of God that is written about in Ephesians 6:13-17.  To summarize, the armor includes the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of Salvation & sword of the Spirit.

Have you ever considered how the armor is when viewed from the perspective of dealing with narcissists?  I would guess not.  I’ve been a Christian since 1996 & studying Narcissistic Personality Disorder since 2011 & it never  crossed my mind until recently.  It’s well worth considering if you have to deal with a narcissist in any capacity.

When dealing with narcissists, you truly need that belt of truth.  Narcissists twist the truth around to their advantage, deny the truth or even recreate their own version of any situation & call it the truth.  When dealing with them, you must be well aware of the truth rather than accept their twisted version of it.  Knowing the truth helps you to avoid being manipulated by narcissists.

You also will need to wear the breastplate of righteousness at all times.  Being aware of what is right & moral will help you to stay on the right track with narcissists.  They try to force victims into doing whatever they want, & often those things aren’t good for anyone but the narcissist, let alone moral.  Being secure in what you know is right helps you not to get sucked into compromising yourself & your beliefs.

The shoes of peace are also incredibly important.  Narcissists feed off the emotions of other people.  Any sign of any emotion triggers a reaction in a narcissist.  If you’re clearly happy, they’ll do what they can to make you sad.  Angry?  They’ll make you angrier.  Sad?  They’ll push you to the point of seriously considering suicide.  The best thing you can do in any dealings with a narcissist is to remain completely neutral & peaceful.  Show them no emotions whatsoever.  Naturally, once you’re away from the narcissist, you need to deal with what you’re feeling however works best for you, because holding emotions in isn’t a healthy thing to do long term.  I am only recommending holding emotions in while in their presence because it will help you in dealing with them.

You also will need your shield of faith.  Faith in God can get you through anything & everything, even the impossible situations like dealing with narcissists.  My faith enabled me to find successful ways to cope with my narcissistic parents, to go no contact at the right time & even helped to get my father to turn to Jesus at the end of his life.  With God, all things are possible, even when it comes to dealing with narcissists.

The helmet of Salvation is truly invaluable as well.  When you are secure in the knowledge that you are a child of God, it helps you in so many ways.  It gives you peace, faith & the knowledge that your Heavenly Father will protect you from anything & enable you to survive anything.

The sword of the Spirit, God’s word, is incredibly valuable too.  When you know what God has to say about things, it gives you wisdom & peace knowing not only how to handle what you must, but knowing that you can handle anything, even anything a narcissist can dish out.

If you’re wondering how to put on this armor of God, ask God to help you, listen to anything He suggests to you & have knowledge of the Bible.  There are some really wonderful email lists you can subscribe to that will deliver Scriptures to your inbox daily.  I subscribe to one that lets me read through the Bible in a year.  There are also many devotionals available, either in email or book form.  Whatever you do isn’t important.  Your relationship with God & knowledge of His word are.

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Filed under Caregiving, Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Narcissism

Reinventing The Past As An Unhealthy Coping Skill

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

October 12, 2012

It has been a very busy week around my home…

As if yesterday, the book is now at 162 pages!  I don’t expect it to be a terribly long book- I’m aiming for at least about 180 pages.  But, it should be a very good one nonetheless.  Quality of the pages over quanity, yanno? 

Writing this book has become quite an education.  I would like to share some of what I learned with you, Dear Readers, in case any of you also are writers, or are considering becoming a writer:

  • Writing is work- never underestimate that.  Just because you aren’t digging ditches for 80 hours per week doesn’t mean you aren’t working.  Take care of yourself, & don’t work too hard.  Learn your limits.  Take breaks as needed to regroup- it will enable you to be more productive when you do write.
  • Take you writing seriously.  If you don’t, no one else will.  It doesn’t matter if you have published 70 books or none- if you want to be a writer, it is a valid career choice. 
  • Set reasonable goals.  I read somewhere once that Stephen King writes 2,000 words per day, every single day of the year.  That is a very reasonable goal.. for him.  I’ve learned that I don’t want to write every single day- some days, I want to goof off & go shopping with a friend or knit or just watch scary old movies.  Some days, I have other things to do, like work on my car or clean my house or take care of a sick pet.  Rather than beat myself up over that, I use his 2,000 words as a basic goal- on the days that I do write, I make myself have a limit of 2,000 words minimum.  Some days, I write just that, & others, I write 7,000.  Depends on the mood.  If I’m only editing my work, there’s no goal for a word count. 
  • I also set reasonable goals for completing a book.  When I first started writing my current book last year, I thought I could finish it fast.  I had trouble with it, & became discouraged very fast.  I couldn’t write for several months, & discouragement was partly why.  When I started the book over again, & got a feel for how it was going this time, I set a goal to finish it by the end of this year.  Realistically, I think it will be done much sooner, but if it isn’t, I’m still at my reasonable goal.
  • Be patient & understanding with yourself.  Don’t beat yourself up when writer’s block happens.  It happens to everyone, even the greatest authors.
  • Remember, quality over quanity.  Better to write 2 great books in your career than 1,000 mediocre ones!  Or, better to write books of 150 pages that are amazing, than 900 pages of trash.
  • Be true to yourself- write what you are comfortable with writing.  Fiction or non-fiction, if you are comfortable with the topic of your book or article, it comes through, & makes people interested in your work.
  • Inspire yourself.  Whatever inspires you to want to write, focus on it as much as possible.
  • Lastly but most importantly, I pray before I write every time.  I ask God to help me create this book for His glory & to help many, many people.  I also invite Him to help me write.  Doing that helps me write easier & better.

I hope these tips help enable you to become the great writer you can be.  🙂

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Filed under Mental Health, Writing