Tag Archives: toxic mother

My New Book Is Almost Ready For Publishing!

Good news!

My current book, “It’s All About ME! The Facts About Maternal Narcissism” is almost ready for publishing in print & ebook forms! I am hopeful to have this done in the very near future. I’d like to say within a few days, but since I never know how I’m going to feel (thank you, C-PTSD), I’ll say within a couple of weeks instead just to be safe. I will post when it is published, & share links of where the books can be purchased.

Thank you everyone for your support & encouragement while writing this difficult book!

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism, Writing

A Sad Legacy – The Death Of A Narcissist

Good afternoon, Dear Readers!

I’m sorry for being missing in action. It’s been a crazy week, but I think all is settling down now & I can get back to writing. At least I sure hope so!

My husband & I were out this past Saturday, & at the last minute decided to stop by a local cemetery. His brother is buried there, as are a former classmate of mine & my mother’s mother. We visited his brother first. It was a painful few minutes- my husband was close to his brother, & his death from AIDS was a painful thing to witness. Then we visited my former classmate, Scott, who died only 4 years after graduation in a car accident. Scott & I weren’t close, but even so, his death was very sad. He was a good person, & died so young. Then we went over to my grandmother’s grave. I felt nothing as I stood there, looking at her bare gravestone- a basic metal plaque with only her name & dates on it. She had no flowers on her grave, nor did I have any desire to put any on there, although I did wish I’d taken some to my late brother in-law & classmate.

I got to thinking after we left. Hubby’s brother has a basic marker- his parents are the very no frills type, so this makes sense. Yet even so, it says “beloved son” on the marker along with his name & dates, & flowers were put on his grave recently. Scott’s family went above & beyond- they got him a huge marble plaque that covers his grave. A lovely poem is on it, Scripture & a picture taken not long before his death along with his name & dates. There are always flowers on his grave, even though he’s been gone since 1993. I even thought about my paternal grandparents. Grandmom died in 1996, Granddad in 2003, yet there is always evidence of someone having been at their graves. They also have a lovely, ornate joint headstone.

And then, there is my mother’s mother.

A basic plaque with only name & dates on it marks my grandmother’s grave. No “beloved mother” or any Scriptures. She didn’t even have flowers in the vase. It made me a bit sad thinking that no one showed love for my grandmother, including me, which made me feel rather guilty. Then I got to thinking about some of the things she did to me. My grandmother was a narcissist, which is obviously where my mother learned her narcissistic ways. She was an evil, cruel woman who cared nothing for anyone, not even her own family, other than what they could do for her. I also remembered how she once saw one of my cousins crying, saying how much our grandmother hurt he, & she turned away from my cousin, indifferent to her suffering. Countless times, I saw my grandmother hurt my mother with her cruel words & try to start trouble between my mother & father. When my grandmother died, I was upset, but not because I missed her. It was because our relationship was such a waste- she hated me & didn’t mind letting me know that. I was actually relieved when she died, not sad. She had stopped speaking to me a year before, never telling me why. I always waited thinking she would suddenly call, acting like nothing happened, & wanting something from me. When she died, I felt relief knowing that couldn’t happen.

Thinking about all of those things, it makes sense that there is no love shown to my grandmother by putting pretty flowers on her grave. It also looked as if no one has been to her grave in a while as the grass around her grave marker was somewhat overgrown. I didn’t go to her funeral, but from what I heard, there weren’t a lot of people there, nor was there a get together after.

How very sad that few people can be affected by someone’s death. What a legacy to leave! It also reminded me of the Scripture in the Bible that says, “what a man sows, that also shall he reap.” My grandmother sowed a life of discord & heartache, & she is still reaping a harvest of indifference.

I decided to write this out for those of you whose narcissistic mothers have already passed on, are elderly, or if you are thinking about what may happen when your narcissistic mother passes away. My prayer is when that time comes, you don’t feel guilty for not wanting to take flowers to their grave weekly or even for being relieved they are gone. You reap what you sow in life. No one is immune to that law, including narcissistic mothers. After years of abuse at her hand, do you really think you will feel sad for losing her? It is truly a sad legacy, leaving behind a child or grandchild that is glad you’re gone, but it is also a natural occurrence in abuse cases such as with narcissistic mothers.

Also remember when that time comes, you aren’t alone. I dare say most adult children of narcissists feel the same way, but are afraid to admit it to anyone for fear of being judged. If you have someone safe to talk to, then by all means, please talk to them about how you feel. If not, then write it out. I wrote my grandmother a letter after she died, & left it under her grave marker. No one knew I did it at the time. It helped me tremendously, getting out my feelings, even though I knew she obviously never would read it.

Pray about what you’re experiencing too. God can handle hearing it, & knows what you’re feeling & thinking anyway. You can’t shock Him. And, He will comfort you & heal your pain. ‚̧

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Progress On My Newest Book!

Good afternoon, Dear Readers! I thought you might like to see this…

With some very valuable input from the hubby, I created the cover for my new book. I’m not entirely sure this is going to be the title, but probably about 85% sure of it. (I’m toying with changing it from “The Facts About Maternal Narcissism” to “Parental Narcissism. Not sure though!) The wording will be the only thing that changes if I decide to change the title. I like the simplicity yet boldness of the cover.

Here is the front cover…

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And, here is the back cover…

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Now that the cover is complete, I’ll be getting back to work on completing the book! It’s getting close!

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What’s Happening In My Little World…

Good evening, Dear Readers!  I thought I’d share an update on what’s been happening with me…

Thankfully, I’m starting to feel better after my losses last month.  It’s incredible to me- as painful as grief is, C-PTSD makes it even harder.  The usual symptoms I live with daily- anxiety, depression, hyper-vigilence- were magnified greatly for a while.  Thankfully, they’re returning to normal though, which I’m very grateful for.  Especially since I’m returning to work on my newest book…

The book, about maternal narcissism, is around halfway done.  It’s flowing well!  I’m not sure when it’ll be done, but I’m hoping in the fall.  It’s not too late- I’m still open to input on subject matter for the book.  Feel free to comment on this post or email me at: CynthiaBaileyRug@AOL.com

My mother is still giving me the silent treatment, with the exception of a call last Saturday.  Judging by some of her nasty comments of the few times she’s spoken to me in the last six or so months, I’m quite sure someone has told her what I write about.  While a part of me is nervous, waiting on the narcissistic rage, most of me simply doesn’t care.  I’m telling the truth, I’m writing my story & not hers so I have the right, I’m writing about what I believe God wants me to write about & I’m helping people.  I don’t need anyone’s approval.  ūüôā

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An Idea..

Good afternoon, Dear Readers!

I’ve been thinking for a while now of possibly creating a newsletter.¬† Monthly or bi-monthly, not sure yet, but containing summaries of blog posts, updates on my current book & whatever other topics I can think of that might be interesting to my readers.

What do you think?  Would you like to see this newsletter?  Would you subscribe to it?

I’d like to know your thoughts… you can feel free to comment to this post or email me at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com

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My Newest Book- About Maternal Narcissism

Good evening, Dear Readers!  I hope this post finds you well!

I spent some time working on my new book about narcissistic mothers today.  It’s coming along slowly but surely.  ūüôā

I’m trying to cover every aspect of maternal narcissism- symptoms, behavior, what can happen to someone raised by a narcissistic mother & how to cope, men married to these women, ways to deal with her, & more. 

I thought I’d ask if any of you have a topic you’d like to see covered in the book.  I’m open to suggestions.  Feel free to comment on this post, or email me at:  CynthiaBaileyRug@AOL.com.  I look forward to your input.

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Last Minute Mother’s Day Thoughts For Abused Daughters

Good morning, Dear Readers.

As Mother’s Day approaches, I know many of you are suffering, because your mother was (probably still is) abusive.  It doesn’t help that everywhere you turn, commercials, ads & even well meaning but oblivious people are telling you to celebrate your mother tomorrow.  After all, she’s the only mother you’ll ever have, & she won’t be around forever!!

..sighs..

My heart goes out to each of you, & I’m praying for everyone reading this to have peace tomorrow.  I’m sorry for not only the abuse you have endured & continue to endure, but for the guilt trips you undoubtedly hear each Mother’s Day.  Ignore the guilt!  While your mother deserves basic respect because she is your mother, that doesn’t mean you need to praise her endlessly for being a fantastic mother if she wasn’t. 

“But it’ll hurt her feelings if I don’t make a big fuss!”   You may be thinking.  True, but did you ever think that if she wanted you to treat her well, she should have treated you well?  We reap what we sow, according to Galatians 6:7-9.  Your mother is no exception.  If you can’t make yourself buy her an overly sweet, sentimental card & a fancy gift, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or a bad daughter- it means she is reaping what she has sown.  How can sowing seeds of name calling, ridicule, mind games or physical or sexual abuse create a harvest of love, deep respect & the desire to praise?  That’s like planting green beans & expecting a harvest of apples!

Take care of yourself, Dear Readers, & don’t forget to be good to yourself tomorrow!  Whether or not you have children, chances are you mother someone.  A niece, nephew, a friend or neighbor’s child or even pets like me.  Do something nice for YOU!  Tomorrow & every day.  ‚̧

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What An Interesting Day..

This morning, I was thrilled to learn my Facebook page & tumble pages gained more followers, & I sold several books in the last 2 weeks.  Since things had been quiet for a bit, I was thrilled.  Obviously!   ūüôā

This afternoon, I went about my usual Sunday routine around my home, doing some little chores, taking care of the fur kids, etc.  While ironing hubby’s work shirts, I thanked God repeatedly for today’s good news.  And..that was when things took an interesting turn..

I almost never hear God’s voice audibly- instead when He speaks to me, I have a strong knowing in my heart of what He wants to say.  Today, I just knew I need to start writing a book about narcissistic mothers.

Yep.  God has a sense of humor.  This is the last thing I’ve wanted to write.  Ever.  I’m no therapist with several degrees.  I also dread the thought that one day, my mother’s minions (aka her flying monkeys- heeheehee!) may find out about my work, & tell her, since she doesn’t own a computer.  How I dread that narcissistic rage that would follow!

Yet, I know I must do this.  I just started a few moments ago with some vague notes on an outline, & things are already flowing- always the sign I’ll write a good book.

Seriously, God?  Couldn’t I write a fun fiction story??  What about animals instead??  I love them!  They’re fun to write about!  Narcissistic mothers??  Not so much…

So, if you wonderful people would do me the tremendous favor of praying with me that I don’t give up writing it no matter what, & that this book will be informative & help many, many people, I would truly appreciate it.  Thank you so much, & may God richly bless each & every one of you!  I love you & am praying for you!  ūüôā

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I’ve Been Thinking…

Today, I’ve thought a lot about yesterday’s disastrous episode with my parents.  I’m somewhat angry with myself for not handling things better with my mother, but it’s hard to deal with a malignant narcissist.  More like impossible, especially when she is out for blood.  Which led me to think- why was she especially vicious?  I believe jealousy is the answer.
I believe insecurity & jealousy often go together.  A secure person doesn’t feel jealous over the blessings another has, only an insecure person does.  And, those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are extremely insecure.  (That is why they act as if they’re so superior- they’re trying to convince themselves & everyone else how great they are.)  So yesterday, my mother’s friend set the wheels in motion to trigger my mother’s insecurities & jealousy by repeatedly saying how pretty I am.  My mother responded first by cutting this lady off each time she said it.  Once she left, my mother told me she is, “very slow,” & “not very bright.”.   I only can assume to discredit the validity of the complements.  Obviously, what she thinks doesn’t matter since she isn’t smart.  Funny- she seemed nice, caring & even intelligent to me.  Anyway, as I posted yesterday, the rest of our time together was a disaster. 
This type of situation has happened many times. I go out with my parents, they see someone they know, that person complements me or nice to me, then the rest of the visit with my mother is full of nastiness.
Jealousy isn’t pretty, is it?
It’s mind boggling too.  I don’t see why my mother is so jealous of me, but she obviously is.  It’s sad, but mostly maddening.  I am so tired of not so much her lack of love & approval, but the constant reminders from her that I’m just not the daughter she wanted in any way, shape or form.  They hurt!
I was hoping as I wrote this, I might gain some insight on how to cope with the malignant narcissistic mother’s jealousy & hopefully help others as well as myself.  Unfortunately, nothing new came to me.  Distance & reinforcing healthy boundaries are the only ideas I have. 
If your narcissistic mother treats you the way mine treats me, just know you aren’t alone.  I understand your pain & frustration.   ‚̧ ‚̧

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Today’s Update- March 24, 2014

Good morning, Dear Readers! ¬†I thought I’d post an update..

Before I say anything else, I’d like to apologize for being so absent lately. ¬†The C-PTSD has been flaring up badly. ¬†I think because of knowing I’ll be seeing my mother soon. ¬†She’s also called me more than usual lately (the silent treatment is officially over for now). ¬†I have been fighting incredible anxiety- so much so that I’ve developed some eczema. ¬†UGH. ¬†I’ve also been depressed, & I can’t focus! ¬†I’m so forgetful, it’s downright pathetic. ¬†So writing in this blog has been a rather daunting idea. ¬†Getting through each day is hard enough right now.

Also, I recently received an invitation to be a guest blogger! ¬†I’ve never done this before, so I’m not sure what to expect, yet I’m looking forward to it. ¬†The blog is about encouraging those with anxiety, depression, addictions & self-harm. ¬†Not quite what I usually post about, but still related. ¬†It should be interesting working with this blog & I’m looking forward to it. ¬†I can’t say how often I’ll be posting there, because, as I told the lady I spoke with, with having C-PTSD, I get overwhelmed very easily. ¬†Thankfully her reaction was “Even once a month would be wonderful!” ¬†YAY! ¬†Someone who understands! ¬†Always a good thing! ¬†I’ll try to post more than that, hoping for once a week or so. ¬†Anyway, here is the link to the blog:

http://hopeinhealingblog.wordpress.com/

 

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Update On “Narcissistic Games- How I Cope”

After my post about how I’m handling my narcissistic mother’s disregard of my writing (at this link: http://wp.me/p2n5nv-HK ), a few people have asked how the event went.  Well, she postponed our get together until this coming Wednesday, so obviously nothing happened.  Unless getting together is canceled again, I’ll post an update sometime next Wednesday.

In a way, I’m glad for the reprieve.  As the time drew near, my anxiety levels were getting bad.  Mostly, I can keep a pretty good perspective, remembering she can’t hurt me.  Then sometimes, the scared little girl in me comes to the surface, & I fear my mother’s anger, especially if there’s a chance of a full blown narcissistic rage.  So, if you think of it, please pray for me to stay strong next week!  Thank you!

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Share Your Story!

Good morning, Dear Readers!

I just wanted to remind everyone about the book I’m working on. ¬†It will be available for free in ebook format. ¬†I’m thinking of entitling it, “Broken But Still Beautiful” or something like that. ¬†The topic is how God helps people who have been abused to heal. ¬†I want to encourage people that no matter what they have survived, God still has a purpose for them, & wants to help love them through their pain. ¬†

No matter what stage of healing you are in, I want your story.  Even if you are still being abused, your story can be encouraging to someone, because it will show others that God is always there, even during the darkest times.

I know sharing details of abuse is painful. ¬†When I wrote my autobiography, “Emerging From The Chrysalis“, it was among the most painful experiences of my life. ¬†However, I felt it was a necessary thing to do. ¬†This book also, I feel is necessary. ¬†I also want to assure your annonymity by encouraging you to use fake names when you share your story. ¬†No one needs to know this is your story- just knowing someone has survived something painful with God’s help will encourage others. ¬†

Please pray about sharing your story for inclusion in this book.  If you want to see more details, check out this link: Making A Difference

Or, you can email me at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com

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Keeping Blame In Perspective

Many people who have survived an abusive situation are told you can’t blame your abuser. ¬†He or she didn’t know what he or she was doing. ¬†Or, that person is mentally ill. ¬†Or, he/she was abused as a child. ¬†Or a plethora of other reasons a person can’t be mad at their abuser. ¬†This invalidates the pain the victim feels! ¬†It immediately makes you feel guilty because you have problems stemming from being abused. ¬†I know- I have been in this position myself.

While I’m not saying we need to blame every problem in life on being abused, I am saying we need to keep a healthy perspective on it. ¬†In my case as an example, my mother has Narcissistic Personality Disorder & Borderline Personality Disorder. ¬†When I first learned of her disorders, I felt guilty for having problems that stem from her abuse when I was growing up. ¬†I didn’t think I should hold her responsible- after all, these are disorders! ¬†She must not be responsible for how she acts! ¬†Then I can’t be angry or hurt or have problems that stem from things she did to me. ¬†Besides, that was a long time ago..

Then I learned that personality disorders describe a way someone behaves, rather than physical brain damage, such as Schizophrenia or PTSD. ¬†And, many of the things my mother did to me were hidden, even from my father. ¬†That tells me she knew what she was doing was wrong. ¬†After all, if one is proud of one’s actions, they aren’t hidden. ¬†

I have since learned to have a healthy perspective.  While I do blame my mother for me having C-PTSD, I take responsibility for how I cope with it.  I blame her for my lifetime of low self-esteem, yet I try to find ways to keep a healthy self-esteem.  While she is to blame for the damage done to me, it is my responsibility to heal as best I can.  Part of that healing, I believe, is knowing that the damage done is NOT my fault!  I did nothing to deserve the horrible things that were done to me!

You did nothing to deserve the abuse you endured either!  Keep the blame for what was done where it belongs- squarely on the abuser.  You have absolutely NO responsibility for what was done to you.  However, you DO have a responsibility to heal.  Ask God to show you how- what steps you need to take.  And, as you heal, you may find out that God wants to use your story to help others heal, & inspire others.  That may help you heal even more than you know!  Blessing & inspiring others is a beautiful feeling!  

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You *Are* Good Enough!

Yesterday, my narcissistic mother called me. ¬†Always interesting to say the least, but most especially when she ends her silent treatment to call me. ¬†I think I managed to get in about 10 words during the entire 45 minutes we were on the phone…

Yesterday’s motive for the call was, among other things, to tell me about the great things her cousin’s son does for her. ¬†What a good & generous son he is! ¬†The underlying message was clear as day, especially since she tells me the same things about him nearly every time we talk- I need to be more like her cousin’s wonderful son. ¬†I need to do more for my mother. ¬†However, as anyone with a narcissistic parent knows, nothing is ever enough. ¬†

For a long time, I felt guilty because I’m not good enough, according to my mother. ¬†I know I’m a huge disappointment to her in a great many ways. ¬†I don’t call my parents or suggest we get together. ¬†My mother doesn’t approve of my home, career, pets, tattoos or even my car. ¬†It’s been very hurtful knowing my mother feels this way about me.

I am very happy to say though, that God has set me free from that pain. ¬†When praying one day, God showed me that I do my best regarding my parents, & that is all He asks of anyone. ¬†He is proud of me for doing my best even when it isn’t easy. ¬†And as for my life choices that my mother disapproves of? ¬†So what? ¬†I have to live my life the way I believe God wants me to, not how anyone else does. ¬†

This is what I believe God wants me to tell you too, today. ¬†God loves you, & is so proud of you. ¬†If you are reading this, & you too have abusive parents who don’t approve of you or make you feel not good enough, know that God says you ARE good enough! ¬†He is so proud of you! ¬†If you are trying to have a relationship with those parents, God is proud of you for that too! ¬†It’s so painful dealing with abusive parents, no matter your age. ¬†Or, if you have ended the relationship with them, He is still proud of you! ¬†You tried hard- people never get to that place of severing ties easily. ¬†

So please, don’t think about the disapproval of your parents- instead focus on God’s love for you, & how proud He is of you. ¬†Psalm 27:10 says that when your parents forsake you, God will take you in as His own child. ¬†The more you focus on that, the happier & more peaceful you feel. ¬†

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Website Changes

I’ve added a bunch of new information to my website about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and maternal narcissism. ¬†Come check it out!

 

www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com

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Maternal Narcissism

I am looking for information on if one generation is more prone to narcissism than another. Please respond in my poll below, or if you prefer, email me at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com

Thank you!

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October 31, 2013

Good morning, Dear Readers…

I was thinking of something yesterday regarding narcissistic mothers. ¬†As you know, my mother has Narcissistic Personality Disorder & Borderline Personality Disorder. ¬†For some unknown reason this past June, she changed- she stopped deliberately trying to hurt me every single time we speak. ¬†We’ve even had many pleasant conversations in the last 4 months. ¬†It’s been so nice in many ways. ¬†

In other ways, though, it’s not so great. ¬†Although my mother doesn’t deliberately try to hurt me most times, she still does hurt me almost every time we speak. ¬†Why? ¬†Because she is simply oblivious to what kind of person I am, & doesn’t even listen to most things I say. ¬†She didn’t care that I was upset yesterday when we spoke on the phone. ¬†I also mentioned my in-laws in passing, & immediately she jumped to their defense, even though I have told her our relationship was so bad, I haven’t spoken to them since 2002. ¬†Ever since I first mentioned having in-law issues, my mother has been their number one supporter, as she always does when someone hurts me. ¬†

I know most people say that narcissists never change. ¬†I believe that isn’t entirely true. ¬†My mother has proven that by changing for the better & not being so cruel as she once was. ¬†However, although she has improved, all is not well now. ¬†I still have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder- nothing she can do will fix that. ¬†I also still have to be prepared for pain. ¬†Like I said, my mother doesn’t often deliberately set out to hurt me, but she still does hurt me often. ¬†Also, like I mentioned earlier, it’s because she doesn’t know me or listen to me, but it is also because she has developed a very dysfunctional coping skill. ¬†When she remembers unpleasant things, she convinces herself the unpleasant events happened some other way. ¬†My mother has convinced herself she was a fantastic mother, always there for me, supportive, & loving. ¬†All of the psychological abuse- emotional, mental & verbal abuses- are forgotten, & replaced with words of encouragement in her mind. ¬†Throwing me into a wall & hurting my back when I was 19? ¬†Forgotten.. I’ve been told I’m lucky I’ve never had back pain. ¬†

I’m telling you this because if you too are the child of a narcissistic mother, don’t give up hope. ¬†Your mother may change for the better at some point like my mother did, contrary to popular opinion. ¬†However, if your mother does change, there still may be pain for you, just in different ways. ¬† The best way I have found to cope is to enjoy the good times as much as you can. ¬†Have some laughs if possible, & enjoy the moment, however long it lasts. ¬†Then when the bad times come, deal with them however you can in a healthy way. ¬†Talk to caring, supportive people- friends, relatives or a counselor. ¬†Pray- God always wants to listen & offer you comfort. ¬†Be gentle with yourself during those hard times- don’t berate yourself for being hurt or angry. ¬†Keep your expectations low of your mother- everyone messes up sometimes. ¬†No matter how hard she may be trying, she will make mistakes simply because no one is perfect. ¬†Set & enforce healthy boundaries for yourself. ¬†If you feel unable to spend time with your mother, then don’t spend time with her. ¬†In my book, “You Are Not Alone!” (available in ebook form & print here: ¬†http://www.cynthiabaileyrug.com/Books%20For%20Sale.htm ¬†), I offer advice on ways to deal with abusive mothers. ¬†There is also information available on my website that may help you here: ¬†http://www.cynthiabaileyrug.com/Problem_Mothers.htm

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Sale on my books!!!!

Good news! My publisher is offering 40% off all print versions of my books until November 4th!! Just enter code FALLSALE40 at checkout. All of my books are available for sale in print & ebook forms at the link below..

http://www.cynthiabaileyrug.com/Books%20For%20Sale.htm

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September 3, 2013

Hello, Dear Readers! I just wanted to let you know that my latest book, “You Are Not Alone!” (for adult daughters of abusive/dysfunctional mothers) is now available in paperback on amazon!

http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Alone-Cynthia-Bailey-Rug/dp/1304304841/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1378232378&sr=8-1&keywords=cynthia+bailey-rug

And, it is available on smashwords if you prefer an ebook version..

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/347669

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August 31, 2013

Happy Saturday!! Wishing everyone a great weekend!

I know it’s been a while since my last post- I apologize. ¬†I’ve been having a rough time lately. ¬†The C-PTSD has been bad, plus my kitty, Pretty Boy, has been having issues with the diabetes. ¬†Hoping we have things more straightened out, & a slight change in his insulin dose will fix him right up. ¬†Waiting on the vet for more info though. ¬†

In case you haven’t seen it yet, come check out the new group I created here on facebook.. I look forward to seeing you there. ūüôā

https://www.facebook.com/groups/FansOfCynthiaBaileyRug/

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August 18, 2013

I just published the ebook version of my latest book, “You Are Not Alone!” It is now available for purchase at smashwords.com!! ¬†Come check it out!

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/347669

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August 6, 2013

Good news! ¬†My newest book, “You Are Not Alone!” for daughters of abusive mothers is almost ready for publishing! ¬†I have about half of it left to edit, then I will publish it!! ¬†I am hoping to get it done tomorrow. ¬†ūüôā

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August 4, 2013

Good morning, Dear Readers!  I hope this post finds you well today!

I’ve been working on my newest book, “You Are Not Alone!” ¬†for daughters of abusive mothers. ¬†It’s almost done!! ¬†One final look over, then off to the publisher. ¬†Then, I’ll make an ebook version.

Strange thing about this book.. I’ve had a hunch I’ll end up hearing some things I do NOT like to hear about this book, like, “You can’t keep holding onto the past..” ¬†“Get over it” ¬†“You can’t let this stuff get you down.” ¬†Basically, the same invalidating things I’ve heard ever since I realized my mother was abusive. ¬†I’ve already heard a few comments.

The truth is, I really don’t care what people think about me, especially when they are speaking out of pure ignorance. ¬†Even so, it really is irritating to hear the same type of stupid & insensitive comments over & over again. ¬†Why can’t people realize if they can’t say something nice, not to say anything at all?? ¬†

I write so much on the topic of surviving abuse because I believe it is what God wants me to do, at least at this time in my life.  He would not have let me go through all I have for no reason!  Helping others makes my lifetime of abuse count for something, & I know beyond a doubt I am helping others.  I have gotten plenty of emails telling me how much I have helped people.  

Also, just because I have Complex PTSD doesn’t mean I am “wallowing” in my pain, haven’t forgiven my mother for all she has done to me or am weak. ¬†I have forgiven her. ¬†I harbor no ill will towards her at all. ¬†However, that still doesn’t heal the damage that has been done. ¬†Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is unlike other types of mental disorders. ¬†The traumatic events that caused C-PTSD actually physically damaged the brain. ¬†Four areas are damaged- short term memory, language skills (finding the right words), emotional regulation & anxiety. ¬†This is a medical fact & does not mean I am weak or “wallowing” in my past. ¬†What it means is that I am damaged as a result of it- I reacted normally to an abnormal amount of trauma.

Whether you have been abused yourself or know someone who has been, please never, ever trivialize the experience! ¬†Abuse is painful & life changing. ¬†If you know someone who has been abused, think before speaking about this topic. ¬†If you can’t say something nice or encouraging, don’t say anything at all! ¬†

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health

June 29, 2013

Happy Saturday, Dear Readers! ¬†ūüôā

I just thought I’d let you know that I have finally finished redoing my website. ¬†Not a lot of changes, but a few. ¬†Go check it out:

www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com

I still can’t believe the external hard drive crashed & I lost the site *sighs* but at least it’s online & fully functional again. ¬†Now to get back to the latest book, “You Are Not Alone!” ¬†There isn’t much left to do on the book.. more editing, then designing the covers & off to the publisher it goes before promotion. ¬†As soon as the publisher has the book, it will be available for purchase in ebook form as well as print on my website. ¬†I’ll announce it here, & it should be happening in the next few weeks, barring any further setbacks.

Thank you everyone for your patience & understanding!

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June 14, 2013

Good morning, Dear Readers. 

I’m so sorry it’s been a while since my last blog entry.¬† It’s been a really difficult couple of weeks.¬† Lots of bad C-PTSD days, computer problems, external hard drive crashes (losing some really valuable files.. GGRRR!) & more.¬†

On a positive note, I have made a lot of progress towards finishing my current book, “You Are Not Alone!” for daughters of abusive mothers.¬† I’m about halfway through my second draft, then a final edit, design the cover & off to the publsher it goes!¬† I’m excited- I am hoping & praying it will help a lot of people.¬† I am learning more almost daily on the topic, so¬† I am including as much information¬†as possible in this book.¬† It amazes me how God keeps showing me things constantly! ¬†It not only describes various types of abusive mothers, it gives tips on how to cope with them & the fathers who failed to protect us, how to heal & even a small devotional & encouraging affirmations.

Have a great day, everyone, & I’m praying for you!¬† ūüôā

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June 5, 2013

If any of you have watched the movie, “Finding Forester,” you probably remember Sean Connery’s line to an up & coming young writer… “You write your first draft with your heart, your second with your head.”¬†

Today, I have finished my “heart” draft of my newest book entitled, “You Are Not Alone!” It will be published by mid summer for sure. I have to go back & add some more to it, edit, & design the covers, then it’s off to the publisher.¬†

The book will offer information on dealing with an abusive mother, how to identify problems that stem from her abuse, & how to heal.

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