Tag Archives: ways to cope with narcissistic mother

Another Tool To Help When You Must Deal With Narcissists

Years ago, I stumbled across an interesting way to help me maintain calm when dealing with narcissists- props.  A prop can be anything that comforts you or even makes you smile.  They are a wonderfully simple way to keep you grounded & keep your perspective about the difficult situation. I tend to dissociate pretty easily, & having something to physically touch helps me to stay in the moment.

 

When I had to deal with my mother in-law, I used things that made me laugh.  My personal favorite was a tiny vial for holy water a Catholic charity once sent me.  Remember the movie “The Exorcist”?  When the possessed girl was sprayed with holy water, she screamed “it burns!!”  I imagined my mother in-law doing the same thing if I sprayed her with holy water.  (I know – I have a warped sense of humor)  When she got nasty with me, I’d reach into my pocket & touch the vial.  She never knew why sometimes I’d smile when she was so wicked..

 

A friend of mine also had a mother in-law who disliked her.  We started joking saying, “pass the flask- I have to see the mother in-law today.”  One day, a flask arrived in the mail!  She bought her & I matching flasks!  The flask became a prop too, making me smile when I thought of my friend’s & my inside joke.

 

On a less silly note, I was very close to my granddad.  Butterflies are something we share (see the story in this post), & because of that, I have a small butterfly tattoo on my right ankle.  I also have a pretty yellow butterfly key chain, butterfly earrings & other various butterfly things.  Often when I’m around my mother, I look at or touch my butterfly items for comfort.

 

When you have to deal with the narcissist in your life, what prop can you keep handy to help you get through?  The item you carry doesn’t have to be anything fancy- just something that inspires you or makes you smile.  Preferably something small that can fit in your pocket, so you can touch it easily.

 

Most importantly though, never forget to pray before you must deal with the narcissist.  God will give you whatever you need- strength, courage, wisdom, etc.

 

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Caregiving, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

Another Interesting Dream To Share

Good morning, Dear Readers!
I had another very interesting dream the other night, & I thought I’d share it with you.
I dreamed that I was staying alone at a very nice hotel.  Not the most expensive, fanciest hotel, but very pretty & nicely appointed.  I walked through the lobby admiring how pretty it was.  Although I was well aware of the usual feelings of agoraphobia, I was able to manage them, & did it quite well.  I was rather comfortable in this scenario, although a bit nervous.  I had peace about being there.
I was confused when I woke up.  I’m not a fan of staying in hotels.  Never have been.  I prefer my own bed.  So, I went to my favorite dream interpretation site, www.dreammoods.com, & looked up what hotels mean.  This is what the site had to say…
Hotel 
To see a hotel in your dream signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You are undergoing some sort of transition and need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking. You need to temporarily escape from your daily life.
Immediately, I knew what this meant.
Lately, I’ve been going through changes what with helping out my parents.  I haven’t handled it as well as I wish I had because a part of me still feels like their “child” instead of their “daughter.”  I need to remember that I am no longer a child, & do not need to respond to my mother’s games like one or accept being treated like one.  I have every right to step up & set & enforce my boundaries even more now that I am spending more time with my mother.  Helping her is affecting me, & that is not acceptable!  
I thought this may benefit you as much as it has me, Dear Reader.  You too are no longer a child, under your parents’ authority.  It can be difficult to switch your mind set in that way, but it is necessary, especially with a narcissistic parent who treats you as if you are still a child.  Really though, unless you are under 18, the law considers you an adult.  Chances are if you’re reading this, you have your own job, family, home… you are an adult!  You need to act as such & expect to be treated as such.  Most of my fans are in their 30’s & 40’s.  I’m 43.  We’re all grown ups!!  It’s only reasonable to remember that & act accordingly!
Also, this dream showed me that the idea I had of taking Tuesdays off is a good one- it gives me one day a week to myself to relax & recover from the rigors of helping my folks.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking some down time.  Everyone needs to take care of themselves mentally & physically.  I know, most narcissistic mothers have told their children repeatedly how lazy & useless they are, so that is deeply ingrained in us.  If you believe it, ask God to show you the truth.  What He has to say will be very interesting.  For example, He has shown me I’m not lazy- I believe in working smarter not harder.  Basically, this is how cats are.  Some people think cats are lazy, but the truth is they are mighty hunters.  They need to conserve as much energy as possible so they have plenty to expel when they hunt, which is why they sleep so much.  While I obviously am no hunter, I prefer to save my energy for the tasks that are most important to me, as hunting is to cats. 
I hope this has helped you, Dear Reader, as it has helped me.  ❤

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Narcissism