Tag Archives: why

Another Reason Why Narcissists Act As They Do

One thing I wondered about narcissists & their flying monkeys for a long time was why do they act the way they do?  I know there’s no “one size fits all” answer to that question of course, but there had to be something that explained why these people all act so similarly.   I’ve met people with narcissistic parents or exes who live in different countries, are of different financial backgrounds, have different religious beliefs (or none at all) & are of different races, yet in spite of all the differences, there are so many similarities.  I found that utterly baffling.  I believed it must be a sign narcissism is demonic in nature, but I wasn’t sure exactly how.

Then one day in October, 2017 when my father was dying, God showed me something very interesting.  As I’ve shared before, at the time of his death, I hadn’t spoken to my parents in some time. My family couldn’t handle me continuing to remain no contact as my father was dying, & they harassed me via email, text, social media messages & telephone daily in an attempt to bully me into seeing him in the hospital.  They were exceptionally cruel & devoted flying monkeys.  One day shortly before he died, the situation got to me.  I was angry.  I was also crying & talking to God about everything that was going on.  One thing I said was, “Why do things have to be like this?  Why is my family so cruel?”  He said, “Some people have made some very bad decisions.”  Then, He showed me one reason for some of the actions of narcissists & their flying monkeys.

God showed me a vision of a person standing directly centered in front of a revolving door much like this one…

revolving door, public domain.jpg

Inside that tube where the door stands was God on one side, & on the exact opposite side, Satan.  Every decision the person made would open the door towards one a bit more, while simultaneously closing the door to the other a bit more.  Eventually, either God was completely exposed while Satan was closed off & unable to reach the person, or Satan was free while God was closed off.

The latter is what happens when a person makes very bad decisions, which narcissists do daily & have done for a long time.  They continually choose selfish, abusive, entitled, narcissistic behavior over Godly behavior.  That means that they close the door to God more & more with each bad choice, & they open that door to Satan, giving him more access to their lives than God has.  That makes it easy for them to do the terrible things they do – Satan helps them do such things.  He  deludes them into thinking their behavior is absolutely fine, even justified in many cases.  Such thinking eventually can drown out the voice of the Holy Spirit.  Maybe you have heard the term a seared conscience?  I believe this is what happens when a person ignores the Holy Spirit & normal guilty feelings every human feels.  They ignore these things so much, that nothing or almost nothing they do can make them feel badly.  It’s as if their conscience becomes atrophied from lack of use.

There is another important point of all of this that you need to know.  By sharing all of this, I’m not saying that narcissists have no control over their actions, or “the devil made them do it” so they had no choice in their behavior.  They do still have a choice.  Clearly, even under an evil influence, they still know right from wrong.  If they didn’t, they wouldn’t work so hard to hide their actions from people they want to impress.  If they have the ability to choose to hide their actions from certain people, they have the ability to choose to do what’s right.  Unfortunately, I think doing bad things is  just easier for them, & that gets them what they want, so that is why they opt not to do what’s right in spite of knowing better.

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Narcissism

Why Did My Narcissistic Parent Or Partner Abuse Me?

So many people who were abused wonder the same thing: Why was I abused?  They wonder what they did wrong or could have done to make their abuser abuse them.  It’s certainly understandable to think this way.  After all, narcissist never accept responsibility for their actions & also make certain their victims know they are to blame for all the problems in the relationship.

So why were you abused?  The answer to these questions is this…

You were abused only because your abuser made the terrible, dysfunctional decision to abuse you.

You did nothing wrong.  You aren’t a bad person.  You didn’t allow this person to abuse you.  You didn’t make anyone abuse you.  You’re not annoying, stupid, a loser, a pushover, codependent, etc.  There is absolutely nothing about you or that you could do to make anyone abuse you.  Abusers are the only ones responsible for the abuse they inflict.

I know it can be hard sometimes wondering why this person who was supposed to love you inflicted so much pain on you.  If you’ve been in more than one abusive relationship, it’s also natural to assume you’re the problem.  After all, you’re the common denominator in the relationships so you must be the problem, right?  Wrong.

I used to think these same things.  It took some time, but the more I learned about Narcissistic Personality Disorder & the more I healed, the more I came to realize that the monsters who abused me did so because something is VERY wrong with them, not me.

Something else to keep in mind about narcissistic abusers.  Narcissistic parents work hard from the day their child is born to mold that child into whatever it is they want the child to be.  In fact, many only have children to make themselves little “mini mes” to use so they can procure narcissistic supply.

As for narcissistic romantic partners, they’re not any better.  They choose partners for utterly selfish reasons.  They choose people who they think can make them look good somehow, or that they can change into something they’re not.  Narcissists do love having that power over people to make them do their will.

In both the case of narcissistic parents & partners, the victim has nothing to do with why they were abused.  Children are convenient & easily pliable especially by their parents.  Romantic partners are chosen because they have good qualities that the narcissist thinks will make them look good.  Keeping this in mind, how can anyone think that the abuse they endured was their fault!?  It’s impossible!

Dear Reader, I hope you realize now that you have absolutely NO responsibility in the abuse you endured.  Your abuser is the one who is responsible, not you.  Please let go of any thinking that tells you it’s all your fault, because it is NOT your fault!  Nothing you said or did could have convinced the narcissist in your life to stop abusing you & to treat you right.

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

Never Justify Or Excuse Narcissistic Abuse

If you’re in the unenviable position of having a narcissist in your life on a regular basis, you have to do all you can to protect your mental health.  Narcissists do their level best to obliterate a person’s self-esteem & sometimes even their sanity.

 

One important way you can protect your mental health is not to make excuses for their bad behavior.

 

It might just be human nature, but people often want to justify someone’s bad behavior.  In many cases, that’s fine.  When someone cuts you off in traffic, maybe he didn’t mean to be a jerk, he was just in a hurry.  When your best friend snaps at you, it’s probably because her stressful job is getting to her- she didn’t mean to hurt you.  Small things like this it’s easy to forgive & forget.  They aren’t a big deal because the chances that person meant to upset or hurt you are virtually non existent.

 

With narcissists however, this isn’t the case.  Their entire existence revolves around getting narcissistic supply in any way they can.  If people are hurt in the process, so be it.  That doesn’t matter to a narcissist.

 

I used to make excuses for the behavior narcissists in my life.  As a child, I told myself my narcissistic mother was simply overprotective, not manipulative & controlling to an extreme.  When my father did nothing to protect me from her abuse, I told myself he just couldn’t do anything.  It’s not his fault.

 

It took me a long time, but I’ve finally accepted the truth- that there is no excuse for narcissists to behave as they do.  They know what they’re doing & if they didn’t, they wouldn’t work so hard to hide their behavior.  They also know the difference between right & wrong- they just don’t care.  Yes, these are some ugly truths, but they are also truths you need to accept about narcissists.

 

Making excuses for a narcissist’s behavior only benefits the narcissist, never a victim.  Excuses show the narcissist that you will tolerate their abuse without complaint & excuse it away.  This basically gives them the green light to do whatever awful things to you they want to do.

 

Excuses also imprint in your mind that you don’t have the right to speak up, that you must tolerate abuse, because the narcissist has a good reason for behaving that way.  This is absolutely NOT the truth, & you do NOT need to believe that it is!

 

Excusing a narcissist’s behavior is basically gaslighting yourself.  You’re lying to yourself, telling yourself the behavior is normal or understandable when it’s anything but.  You get enough gaslighting from the narcissist- don’t add to it by excusing her behavior.

 

Remember, Dear Reader, narcissists abuse for one simple reason- themselves.  They want narcissistic supply.  There is no excuse for that.  Don’t tell yourself otherwise!

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism