I keep hearing the term “mansplaining”. I get how annoying this can be. Being a blonde female who loves cars, I’ve been on the receiving end of plenty of men acting like I’m too dumb to know much of anything, let alone a complicated topic like cars.
This know it all attitude isn’t just men doing it to women, & it isn’t just about cars. Anyone can treat someone this way & the subject matter can be anything. Many victims of narcissistic abuse have experienced it. I would bet that all victims have heard someone say that the abuse wasn’t so bad or NPD isn’t a real thing. If the victim is a Christian, then it also includes smug people without any real understanding of the Bible misapplying Scripture to justify the behavior of abusive people while condemning the victim for wanting to set boundaries or end the relationship.
When on the receiving end of know it all behavior, it can be so hard not to take it personally & cuss out the person treating you this way. Truly, I get it! I’ve felt that way. That doesn’t mean I have followed through with that desire however. I also learned how not to be so upset when it does happen. In fact now it barely bothers me at all.
Getting to this point isn’t as hard as you may think. To start with, I think it’s best to accept the fact that people who act this way are going to cross your path. There is no way to avoid them completely because know it alls are everywhere. The more you heal though, the more repelled toxic people will be by you & the more functional, healthy people will be attracted to you. This means that naturally, the less you’ll be exposed to know it alls. Another motivation to focus on healing!
Also, rather than be hurt or angered by their heartless words, it really helps to remember that this isn’t personal. While it can feel intensely personal, it truly isn’t. Know it alls clearly have some sort of issues. Functional people realize they don’t know everything. They have no problem admitting that they aren’t experts on certain topics or trying to learn new things. They listen to other people as well, & aren’t quick to offer their input unless asked for it. Dysfunctional people however aren’t willing to learn or grow. If someone they’re speaking with is discussing a topic they don’t know much (or nothing) about, they don’t want the speaker to know this. They would rather act like they are experts on a topic than risk people thinking they aren’t as smart as they want others to think they are by admitting they don’t know much about a specific topic.
Another thing to remember with these know it alls is they have their own painful situation similar to yours. When you discuss your situation, it triggers their own painful memories that they are trying to avoid. Rather than realize their triggers are trying to tell them they need healing, they prefer to shut down the person who is inadvertently triggering them. One of the ways some people do that is by shaming the victim. They create shame in victims by claiming to know everything about narcissism & it isn’t so bad. Or, they pull random Scriptures they remember out of thin air & use them to shame a victim for not being willing to tolerate abuse.
And lastly, never forget to ask God to help you in this situation. Sometimes even knowing these facts isn’t enough to help you deal with a truly impossible person. God will be glad to help you to do whatever you need to do.
I pray the next time you run into someone who thinks they know everything, the tips I have shared with you will help you!