Saying Things Out Loud

I really am a firm believer in writing things down.  It gives you clarity & insight & is one way to help you heal from trauma.  That being said though, speaking out loud has its pluses too.

The Bible has a LOT of Scriptures regarding what we say out loud.  Possibly the most powerful example being  Proverbs 18:21 which says that there is life & death in the power of the tongue.

So many verses focused on one topic tells me that topic is very important, otherwise God wouldn’t have wasted space in the Bible discussing it.  We need to be well aware of the importance of our words, even in the area of healing from narcissistic abuse, & use them wisely.

Sometimes you have to speak things out loud to heal.  It can help you to hear the words describing what you have been through as well as seeing the reactions others have when you tell them your story.  Discussing traumatic events can help you to get validation from others & even to validate yourself.  I found writing my own story when I wrote my autobiography was incredibly validating.  Seeing clearly on paper what I went through was eye opening.  But, hearing yourself talking about the horrors you experienced can be validating as well.  Something about getting your story out of you either verbally or in writing can be incredibly therapeutic.  It makes the events more real, somehow.  Possibly because after experiencing repeated abusive & traumatic episodes, a person often becomes desensitized to it all.  It hurts, sure, but it just is what it is.  Speaking about these things removes the desensitizing even if only for a while.

Talking also can be helpful for processing the trauma.  Some people do better with writing theirs, but there are others who are helped more by speaking about it.  Something about verbalizing things helps people to process their pain or come to ways to help them process it & heal.  That is one of the purposes behind talk therapy, after all.

Also when you talk to someone, they can help you to see things from a different perspective.  That can be incredibly helpful sometimes!

If you talk to another victim of narcissistic abuse, there is another potential benefit, too.  They may have found ways to cope with a similar situation to yours, & can help enlighten you to new ideas that may help you.  Or, they may have made mistakes & can tell you what didn’t work & why.  Both are very beneficial.

I learned another benefit of talking several years ago.  I wrote about it when it happened.  May 5, 2016, I had a huge argument with my parents.  I knew it was coming, so before I took their call that night, I asked God to guide my words.  Well, He did, but not as I expected Him to!  Rather than remaining calm & providing no narcissistic supply, I yelled, cussed & cried.  As soon as I hung up the phone, I got in prayer.  I told God I was so sorry!  I must have somehow missed His guidance.. maybe I should call my parents back & apologize.  As clearly as I’ve ever heard His voice, He said, “No.  Your parents needed this.  They needed to see their normally calm, rational daughter terribly upset because of them.”  Why, I have no clue but I know He knew.  It also showed me that although most times when dealing with narcissists, it is foolish to be outspoken with them, there are certain times when it is necessary.  If you trust God, He will help you to do it.

While talking about things obviously can be helpful in many ways, never, ever forget to be wise with whom you share your story of narcissistic abuse.  There are many people out there who support narcissists, & will hurt you for talking about your experiences.  If they know the narcissist, they’ll also tell him or her everything you say.  Remember Matthew 10:16, & be wise as serpents, harmless as doves!

4 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

4 responses to “Saying Things Out Loud

  1. ibikenyc

    Oh, indeed!

    Hence my virtually-daily journalling 🙂

    I have nobody to talk to (in person) and know it’ll be a very long time before I am healed enough to trust anyone to care enough about me to hear this kind of thing. I am looking forward to being able to get another therapist.

    Your experience with “violating Grey Rock” with your parents after prayer is intriguing. I am so laser focused on showing NOTHING that I doubt I’d hear such a message. Gonna be bearing this in mind from now on.

    Like

    • Good!! I am so jealous.. I can’t seem to journal daily. ARGH!! You’re very disciplined!

      It was the most bizarre experience. I never would’ve thought my parents needed to hear that from me because they didn’t care. It must have had some impact somehow though, for God to tell me that. Can’t imagine how..

      Liked by 1 person

      • ibikenyc

        Thank you 🙂

        Not sure if it’s disciplined so much as bored and desperate; LOL! (At least some of the time.)

        I bet it was bizarre! So glad you did say what wanted saying, though, and in the way it wanted!

        Like

        • You’re welcome! 🙂

          LOL Ok, sometimes probably but guessing not as often as disciplined!

          Truly bizarre, even almost 5 years later when I remember it. It did feel good to get it out though, even though clearly they mostly weren’t listening & didn’t care when they were

          Liked by 1 person

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