In scrolling through my memories on Facebook recently, a picture came up. The picture is one taken of my parents on their wedding day while they stood by my father’s car. I originally shared it on Facebook in 2014 because I thought the picture was nice & my family might enjoy seeing it. The car in the picture was special to my father, too, & I thought they also might remember it. One of my cousins said something about how my father & I both love cars. I responded that was true, it was one of the few things we had in common. Out of nowhere, one of my aunts verbally attacked me for not trying harder to find things in common with my father.
Does this sound at all familiar to you? If so, welcome to life with narcissistic parents & their awful flying monkeys!
Flying monkeys absolutely love to tell the victims of narcissistic abuse what we need to do, how we need to work harder for the narcissist, how we should ignore our own needs in favor of the narcissist & so much more. The pressure can be unbearable sometimes. It also can trigger a lot of anger, as my situation with my aunt did. I hope to help you to find ways to help you deal with these awful people in this post.
The very first thing you should do when trying to learn ways to deal with flying monkeys is to pray. Ask God for wisdom, clarity, strength not to cave into their unrealistic expectations & creative ways to help you to cope. He absolutely will grant you those things!
Some flying monkeys are people who were genuinely duped by narcissist, but not many are. Many flying monkeys are truly horrible, evil & narcissistic people that enjoy causing others pain while simultaneously acting as if they are only trying to help so no one can be angry with them. The way to tell the difference is by listening to what these people say. The genuinely duped are open to hearing your side & admitting that the narcissist might just be wrong. The evil flying monkeys however have no interest in hearing your side of the story. They are convinced you are wrong, the narcissist is right & that is the end of the story. They have zero interest in truth, & their minds are completely closed to anything that disagrees with their views, no matter how slightly. People like this are toxic, & need to be removed from your life. It’s not likely that those who are genuinely duped need to be removed from your life. They may see the error of their ways & aren’t so toxic. Use your best judgment with them regarding whether or not to remove them from your life.
If you’re unable to remove the toxic flying monkeys from your life, it’s best to interact with them as little as possible. If you must interact with them, share as little personal information as possible. Telling them anything personal means that most likely, they will run to your narcissistic parent to share that information as quickly as possible.
Refuse to discuss your narcissistic parent with the flying monkeys. Remember, the toxic ones are online interested in what supports their perspective. As a result of that, they WILL hurt you by invalidating or shaming you. They will attempt to force you to do what they believe you should do, such as resume contact with your narcissistic parent no matter how toxic your parent is. Change the subject, even if it means doing it repeatedly or being rude. Only discuss neutral topics with flying monkeys such as the weather. Or, ask them about things in their lives. There’s not a narcissist around that will pass up the opportunity to discuss themselves, so why not use this to your advantage?
Show no emotions whatsoever to the flying monkeys. Narcissists feed off emotions, & their flying monkeys do too. In fact, they use any emotions you show as proof that the narcissist is right about you, & you’re crazy, angry, unreasonable & more. No matter how justifiable emotions are, flying monkeys still take them as proof of a victim’s mental incompetence. Once they are convinced of your mental instability, they will use that to hurt you, so it’s best to refuse to show them any emotions that you feel.
Flying monkeys are miserable, awful people who thrive on hurting others. Not dealing with them is the best solution, but if you must deal with them, I hope the tips in this post will help you to do so.