The Power Of Praying Over Your Home

Since becoming a Christian in 1996, I have learned a great deal about the power of prayer over the years, & I even learned specifically about the power of praying over your home. 

Blessing your home like this is one of the simplest yet best things you can do for yourself & your home.  I don’t mean you have to invite in a priest, shaman or anyone special to do some very specific ritual.  I mean simply praying over your home, asking God to bless it however you see fit.

Many years ago when I came across this idea, I prayed over my husband’s & my first home.  I asked God to take care of it as well as our property, to take care of & bless not only us who lived in it but anyone who came through its door.  The prayer was nothing fancy, but it made an obvious difference. 

God protected us & our home from some pretty scary things after that prayer.  We had a very large dead tree in our back yard that we couldn’t afford to have cut down right away.  Every time there was a storm or wind, we were afraid of its branches or the tree itself falling onto our home or cars.  Several times, huge branches fell, but never on our house or cars.  No major damage was caused by that tree in the years it was in that state until we could cut it down.  In 2010, lightening struck our home while we were out.  A window air conditioner caught fire, but went out quickly.  The only casualties were our well pump & a few dings in the metal siding.

Our home also became very peaceful after praying. 

Shortly after I prayed over our house the first time, my best friend came by one day & commented about how peaceful & comfortable the house felt.  She is a devoted Christian & very in tune to her surroundings, so I wasn’t entirely surprised by this even though I hadn’t told her what I did.  What did surprise me was when my father came by a few weeks later & said almost word for word the same thing she said.  At that time, he wasn’t a Christian & lacked my friend’s in tune ways.  It was one of many times that I realized there is something pretty significant to praying over your home.

A few years later, after my mother died, I inherited my parents’ home.  My husband & I moved in, & before that, I prayed over their house as I did for our first house.  The difference was astounding!  This house that once was the scene of so much anger & pain became my favorite place to be.  Its atmosphere is cozy & comfortable now.  Talk about a huge change!

The atmosphere of a home can change.  I have noticed that if someone who loves me visits, the energy in my house remains comfortable.  It also feels much darker if someone who doesn’t like me is in my home.  The cozy, peaceful feeling isn’t so pronounced in those situations.  Praying over your home after someone like that leaves & changes that energy right back to a much more peaceful atmosphere.  If someone especially unpleasant has been in my home, I find it helpful too, to open the windows after they leave.  I don’t think of this as anything spiritually significant, but it helps me to feel that fresh air can come in to replace their negative energy. 

Whether your home is a small studio apartment or a 7,000 square foot mansion, I would like to encourage you to do as I have done, & pray over your home.  Just pray as you feel is right.  If you want to know what I did, I asked God to bless my home, all of our property, the land, us & anyone who comes into it, even if it’s a repairman who is only there for a few minutes.  I also pray this periodically as I think of it.  Doing this has worked very well for me, & I believe it can work just as well for you!

What Would Jesus Do?

Many of us remember the popular “What Would Jesus Do” movement of the 1990’s.  For a while, many people wore jewelry or clothing with “WWJD?” on it.  What most people don’t know is that this phrase originally came into existence about 100 years before.

The wonderful book “In His Steps” by author Charles Sheldon was written in the late 1890’s, & was the origin of the phrase.  It’s a fictional story, but an excellent & very realistic & believable one.  The story is based on what happens when a small town pastor challenges his congregation to do nothing without first asking themselves, “What would Jesus do?” for an entire year, then do what they believe Jesus would do in their situation.  Several members of the congregation pledge to do this.  A newspaper editor decides to skip printing the Sunday edition of his paper, another man working for the railroad discovers fraud & leaves his job, & other similar things take place.  People also begin to help each other, such as an heiress helps the newspaper since it began to struggle financially after ending the Sunday printings. 

If you haven’t read this book, I highly recommend it!  It’s so inspiring!  Or, if you prefer to see the movie, there is one called “WWJD?  What Would Jesus Do?” from 2010 that is a wonderful modernized adaptation!  In looking up the movie’s year, I also learned it has a sequel from 2014 called, “What Would Jesus Do?  WWJD The Journey Continues.”   And, there is a sequel to the book called, “Jesus Is Here”, also written by Charles Sheldon.

The reason I recommend this book & movie is because they are so inspiring!  I think any Christian would do themselves a big favor by reading the book or at least watching the movie.  Even knowing it’s a fictional story, it’s so realistic you easily can imagine these things happening in real life.  It’s impossible not to be inspired by that!

The characters also are very realistic & convicted in their faith.  You can’t help but to want to be more like them, living fearlessly as a great example of your faith.

Usually I don’t recommend books or movies much, but these are different.  Obviously I can’t say they’re as inspiring as the Bible is, but they are very inspiring nonetheless.  They help stir up my faith & that is something we all need sometimes.  I believe they could benefit others as they have me.  After a period of dealing with some pretty painful things, my faith was a bit stagnant recently.  Not that I lost faith in God, of course.  I think I was just mired down in the negativity of what I had faced.  Watching the WWJD movie helped stir my faith back up, & get me back on track.

Even if you aren’t interested in reading the book or watching the movie, I would like to encourage you today to do as the characters in the stories pledged to do.  Before making decisions, ask yourself, “What would Jesus do?” then do what you believe that He would do if He was in your position.  Asking yourself this question really causes you to think about things more seriously, & consider other people more as well.  It causes you to make wiser decisions that benefit yourself & to treat other people with love & respect.

What Got Me Started Learning About Spiritual Warfare

As I’d written about some time back, I decided to learn more about evil & spiritual warfare.  I started this journey after watching a sermon about witchcraft, & would like to share some about what I learned from that sermon.  Just so you know, this is just scratching the surface. It’s quite an in depth topic.

Most people hear the word “witch” & think of images of a woman wearing all black, with a pointy black hat, & either riding a broom or stirring something in a large cauldron.  This is not the norm, however, except in movies.  Witches are all around us.  Many who are involved with certain religions, such as Wicca & Paganism, openly practice witchcraft, but there are even more people who practice witchcraft in much more subtle ways.  So subtle, in fact, that many witches don’t even consider themselves witches.  These are those who do things that go against God yet aren’t as obvious, such as manipulating, controlling, envying or hating others.  By doing these things that go against God, they are inviting the enemy, Satan, & his demons to work.

A side note here… such behaviors as manipulation, control & envying others are especially common among narcissists.  This is just one more reason I believe Narcissistic Personality Disorder to be more about evil than a mental health problem.  That isn’t the topic of this post, obviously, but I wanted to put it out there for something to think about.

Satan is a powerful enemy, but his powers are limited.  He needs to use human beings to enable him to do much of his work in the physical realm.  This is where people who don’t know God intimately come into play.  When they come across someone who they feel threatened by – such as someone they view as more successful, popular or attractive – they hate that person easily.  That hatred opens the door for Satan to work in their life as well as their victim’s life.  To keep the original person engaged, Satan often works subtly to keep their minds focused on their hatred.  One thing he does is to remind them to keep up with the personal details of that person they hate.  I firmly believe that this is why some people are so devoted about keeping up with the personal details such as snooping on social media posts of people they hate.  They certainly aren’t looking in the hopes of learning that the object of their hatred is happy & doing well.  They are looking in the hopes of finding out that person is miserable, alone, broke, sick or whatever. 

An important thing to keep in mind is that even Christians aren’t completely immune to the enemy’s attacks.  Consider the story of Job.  He was loyal to God, yet Satan attacked his health, family & more.  Even Jesus was not immune to the enemy’s attacks while He was here in human form.  Satan tempted Him.  That story can be found in Matthew 4.  No matter how much you love God, Satan still can cause you problems.

To protect yourself, you must learn about Satan.  No one who successfully defeats an enemy does so without knowing about their enemy.  They get to know how their enemy thinks & how they work.  Remember that fighting Satan & his demons isn’t like fighting humans.  Ephesians 6:12 describes them in the Amplified Bible, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this [present] darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) places.” 

To fight a spiritual enemy, you also need to wear the armor of God as described in Ephesians 6:13-17: “Therefore, put on the complete armor of God, so that you will be able to [successfully] resist and stand your ground in the evil day [of danger], and having done everything [that the crisis demands], to stand firm [in your place, fully prepared, immovable, victorious]. ¹⁴ So stand firm and hold your ground, having tightened the wide band of truth (personal integrity, moral courage) around your waist and having put on the breastplate of righteousness (an upright heart), ¹⁵ and having strapped on your feet the gospel of peace in preparation [to face the enemy with firm-footed stability and the readiness produced by the good news]. ¹⁶ Above all, lift up the [protective] shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God.” 

And above all, never, ever fail to ask God for help, guidance, discernment, courage & anything else you need.  If you don’t know what you need, that is ok!  Just ask Him for help, & He will be glad to do so!  Remember, Psalm 46 says that God is an ever present help in times of trouble, He is always with us & our Stronghold! 

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What Do You Think About This?

I’d like to ask your opinions.

I’ve been feeling a pull to learn about spiritual warfare & evil spirits recently. The little bit I’ve learned so far has been quite eye opening. I expect much more to be equally eye opening & informative.

So what I’d like your thoughts about is this.. would you like me to share what I learn in this blog? Why or why not? Please answer yes or no in the poll that follows, & if you have something to say beyond that, feel free to say so in the comments.

By the way.. if I do it (big if!), it wouldn’t mean I’m changing my writing to focus 100% on those topics. Narcissism & narcissistic abuse recovery still would be the main focus of my writing. I would just interject some of the other topics in periodically as I feel is right. Also, I schedule posts to publish months in advance, so chances are, unless I rearrange posts, you won’t see anything for a while if I do opt to post on these topics.

Also, saying no won’t offend/hurt me. If you would prefer not to read about this, it’s perfectly fine to say so. I plan on learning about these topics for myself no matter what. I just wanted to know if anyone is interested in me sharing what I learn, as I learn is all.

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to answer my question & share your thoughts! ❤️

“Christian” Narcissists

Over the last few years, I have heard the term “Christian narcissists” used repeatedly.  It is used to describe people who are either active in their church or professing to be Christians, yet they also exhibit narcissistic behavior.  Most commonly, these people are covert narcissists who revel in appearing martyr like in their life, giving to & doing for those who are “beneath” them somehow.  They even can be leaders in their church who are perceived as good people, yet are subtly controlling church members & possibly even abusing their own families.

The problem is there is no such thing as a Christian narcissist.  There are narcissists who pretend to be good & even Godly people, but they truly aren’t Christians.  Labeling these people as such turns people away from Christianity.

These narcissists may be a bit hard to spot at first.  They are busy doing for others, even sometimes at their own expense.  They may donate large sums of money or spend great amounts of time volunteering.  People speak highly of them for all that they do for others.  Yet, if you look just below the surface, you can see hints that show these people aren’t the saints they portray themselves to be.

First & foremost, true Christians openly trust in Jesus as the Messiah, their personal Savior, & their behavior reflects that.  “Christian narcissists” may claim to trust Him, but their behavior says otherwise.  They don’t readily admit that they have a need for a Savior.  They don’t talk much God & his goodness.  They turn the topic back to themselves.  They don’t have any interest in doing God’s will for their lives.

“Christian narcissists” see themselves as more special to God than other people.  They don’t credit answers to their prayers to God’s love or kindness, but instead imply or even say outright it’s because He loves them more than other people.  They make it sound like the only reason God answers their prayers & loves them is because they are such wonderful, special people. The Bible says that God doesn’t show favoritism in Romans 2:11, so clearly they’re wrong about that.

Another sign of a “Christian narcissist” is that this person doesn’t brag about God, only themselves.  If you listen to these people long enough, you will see that their so called humility is peppered with bragging.  They subtly mention how they have been such a blessing to someone else by taking them food or giving money during their times of need.  They even may brag about the accomplishments of someone else in a way that makes them appear to deserve credit.  But, they definitely don’t say things like, “You won’t believe what God has done for me!”  “I am so grateful that God did this thing for me!”  “I couldn’t have done that thing without God helping me or showing me what to do!”  The Bible says that we are to brag not of our wisdom or other things, but only about God. Jeremiah 9:23-24 in the New International Bible says, “This is what the Lord says:  “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches, ²⁴ but let the one who boasts boast about this:  that they have the understanding to know me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” declares the Lord.””

If you speak to someone who claims to be a Christian yet demonstrates narcissistic behaviors like this, it’s certain you are dealing with a narcissist, not a Christian. 

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Making Assumptions About People

It’s amazing to me the assumptions that people often make about each other.  Some people assume someone with tattoos & piercings can’t hold down a good job, for example.  Others assume women with blonde hair are all ditzy.  There are so many other assumptions that are equally ridiculous.

I’ve always been an introvert, & pretty quiet.  Around people I’m very close to, I can be fairly chatty, but those I’m not comfortable with or don’t really know well, I’m very quiet.  This has led to some pretty stupid assumptions about me from other people.  One of my sisters in-law told my husband I obviously think I’m better than their family & treat them like “trash.”  The accusation was astonishing since I really tried hard for years to be civil & even nice to her.  Guessing any of you introverts reading this have experienced similar accusations.  People often think being quiet means we feel superior. Some even think it means we’re depressed, whether or not we truly are depressed.

With the prominence of social media, assumptions have become even more commonplace.  Since many people share so much on there, they assume everyone else does.  If a person doesn’t share a lot, ridiculous assumptions are made.  In my life, people seem to think I must not have much to do each day since I rarely share anything personal.  I just see no point in sharing my plans for whatever I plan to do each day.  I also don’t complain about my physical & mental health concerns, so people assume they aren’t a daily struggle.  People also see pictures on social media of a happy couple or playing children & assume these people are living happy, care free lives.  They don’t realize that there could be a lot of pain hiding behind those smiles.

Assuming things about other people is so unwise.  People may be absolutely nothing like what you assume they are.  That big burly biker guy may have a baby at home that makes him melt into a big teddy bear every time he sees her.  That woman in your church who appears so pious & volunteers constantly may be abusing her husband & children at home.  

Making assumptions is so bad that the Bible discusses the topic in several locations.  All Scriptures are from the Amplified Bible.

• I Samuel 16:7 “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
• Proverbs 18:2  “A [closed-minded] fool does not delight in understanding, But only in revealing his personal opinions [unwittingly displaying his self-indulgence and his stupidity].”
• John 7:24 “Do not judge by appearance [superficially and arrogantly], but judge fairly and righteously.”
• James 4:11 “Believers, do not speak against or slander one another. He who speaks [self-righteously] against a brother or judges his brother [hypocritically], speaks against the Law and judges the Law. If you judge the Law, you are not a doer of the Law but a judge of it.”

The next time you are tempted to make an assumption about someone, I would urge you not to do that.  God frowns upon it pretty seriously, as these Scriptures point out.  Even if He didn’t, by behaving this way, you may be missing out on knowing some pretty awesome people.  Matthew 10:16 says, “Listen carefully: I am sending you out like sheep among wolves; so be wise as serpents, and innocent as doves [have no self-serving agenda].”  I believe these words to be incredibly wise when dealing with people.  Spot the signs that they are either safe or unsafe & act accordingly.  Yet also be willing to be kind to everyone.

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Forgiveness After Abuse

Many people who have survived an abusive relationship, whether the abuser is a family member or spouse, have been told they must forgive their abuser if they truly want to heal.  It is often said like forgiveness is a magic wand – once you decide to forgive, you do, all damage caused by the abuse is gone, the abuser has an epiphany about their horrible behavior & abuser & victim live happily ever after.  Sadly, this is absolutely NOT the case!

Forgiveness can be an absolutely wonderful thing.  Unfortunately though the topic is misunderstood by so many, & the people who believe wrongly seem to be the loudest about the value of forgiveness.

To start with, forgiveness doesn’t mean forgive & forget.  There are many Scriptures that mention forgiveness in the Bible, but nowhere is “forgive & forget” mentioned.  In fact, I consider it to be a very un-biblical concept.  Jesus says we are to be as wise as serpents yet innocent as doves in Matthew 10:16.  Forgiving & forgetting to me seems completely unwise.  If someone is abusive, then their victim forgives & forgets abusive incidents, the abuser readily will repeat their abusive behavior because they know there will be no consequences.  However, if you give them consequences for their behavior, there is a much better chance of them changing.  Clearly that isn’t always the case but it creates a much more likely scenario than forgiving & forgetting, & allowing them to abuse you repeatedly.

Many people think that forgiveness & reconciliation are the same thing, but clearly they are not! Luke 17:3-4 in the Amplified Bible say, “Pay attention and always be on guard [looking out for one another]! If your brother sins and disregards God’s precepts, solemnly warn him; and if he repents and changes, forgive him.  ¹⁴ Even if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him [that is, give up resentment and consider the offense recalled and annulled].”  Notice how it states that the offending person repents, you are to forgive him.  It doesn’t say you must forgive no matter what.

Many people who misunderstand Godly forgiveness are also quick to quote the part of Ephesians 4:26 that says not to let the sun go down on your anger.  They quote only a small portion of the verse.  In reality, it says, “Ephesians 4:26  “Be angry [at sin—at immorality, at injustice, at ungodly behavior], yet do not sin; do not let your anger [cause you shame, nor allow it to] last until the sun goes down.”  According to this verse, anger is acceptable as long as you don’t allow it to motivate you to doing something shameful or sinful such as doing something vengeful to hurt the person who hurt you.

Another interesting point to consider about Ephesians 4:26.  It shows what actions are acceptable reasons for feeling anger.  Sin, immorality, injustice & ungodly behavior.  There should never be a point in a person’s life that such things don’t make them angry!  Feeling neutral about them or accepting them would normalize some pretty terrible behavior that should not be normal under any circumstances.  You can forgive a person while still being furious about the wicked & cruel things they have done to you.  I can tell you that I have forgiven my parents, but I still despise the cruel things they did to me in my lifetime.

If someone tells you that you need to hurry up & forgive your abuser or even “forgive & forget,” then please disregard what they say.  Forgive God’s way when you are ready to take that step.  Don’t let anyone make you feel as if you aren’t forgiving fast enough, as doing that can slow down the healing process.  Take the step when you feel ready to do so & only then.  And, never forget that you are always going to feel some anger at what was done to you because it was wrong.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling that way!  It’s a healthy way to feel & yes, even a Christian way to feel!

Receiving God’s Comfort

God created people to need relationships not only with Him but with each other.  A part of that is the need for consolation & comfort during the tough times.

There were many times shortly after the death of my mother that I received God’s comfort.  It was such a horrific time, undoubtedly the hardest of my life.  I was overwhelmed with everything I had to do as well as processing her death & the fact she chose me to be her personal representative after her & my father saying otherwise years prior.  His comfort & strength enabled me to do the impossible at that time & come out on the other side even stronger than I went into the situation.  It gave me a new appreciation for His comfort.  It also showed me that people, even the most well meaning ones, can’t offer the kind of comfort that God can.

People can’t understand your pain exactly.  Even if they have experienced similar situations to yours, you are different people, which means you feel pain & process it differently.  God created you, so naturally He knows you better than any human can.  This also means He understands your pain better than anyone else.  He has experienced things that humans have such as rejection, betrayal, being taken for granted & more.  His comfort comes from the place of truly understanding how you feel, which is something no human being can manage.

God’s comfort is truly something special.  His comfort creates a deep intimacy with Him, a feeling of truly meshing with Him, because you know He truly understands.  He also gently gives words of encouragement in ways no human can, such as by calling your attention to song lyrics or a Scripture that you never thought of quite this way before.  There is also comfort in knowing that He is working in your situation on your behalf.  This deep intimacy with God comes from no means other than allowing Him to comfort you.  It is one good thing that comes from a pain that causes you to run to Him for comfort. 

Another good thing that comes from that is once you have received His comfort, you become more able to offer comfort to other hurting people.  Your empathy has increased & naturally you want to help others.  You also have experience in receiving God’s comfort & can help other people to do the same.  2 Corinthians 1:3-5 in the New International Bible says, “³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ⁵ For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.”

If you haven’t asked God to comfort you before, why not try it now?  There are plenty of verses in the Bible that show He is willing to do it.  In the New International Translation, Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  And, Matthew 5:4 says, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”  Clearly, God wants to comfort you.  Let Him!  You won’t be sorry!

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Struggling To Feel Loved By God After Narcissistic Abuse

After surviving narcissistic abuse at the hands of parents, when victims turn to God, many struggle with feeling that God truly loves them.  It’s not that they think God is a liar or they doubt what the Bible says.  Many have strong faith & believe every word in the Bible to be the word of God.  They also believe that God loves & forgives other people.  Yet, they struggle believing this is true for them.  This is because of the narcissistic abuse they endured.

Narcissistic abuse at any age by any person is a terrible thing, but it seems to have the most profound effect on those who grew up with narcissistic parents.  Children look to their parents to be their everything – their source of love, nurturing, food, shelter & more.  Basically parents are like a god to children.  When that “god” is abusive, it distorts a person’s reality terribly.  One of those ways is making them believe that authority figures aren’t trustworthy, even God.

Not to mention, children’s brains aren’t fully developed.  This means they process things differently than adults do.  Adults realize that someone being abusive towards them doesn’t mean something is wrong with them.  It means something is wrong with the abusive person.  Children don’t realize that.  They think when someone abuses them, in particular a parent, that means something must be wrong with them to make that parent treat them badly.   This is a huge blow to one’s self esteem, & makes them believe they are unlovable.    

When that child grows up & decides to turn their life over to God, that doesn’t mean their dysfunction vanishes.  That dysfunction is still a part of their life, & it will show up in their relationship with God. 

Although that adult child may truly love God, chances are excellent that he or she doesn’t completely trust God.  God being a father figure means that people relate to Him as they did their earthly father.  That relationship automatically starts out mirroring the relationship a person has with their earthly father, good or bad.  This is a wonderful thing for those with great relationships with their father.  It’s a terrible thing for those with dysfunctional or even abusive relationships with their father.  They may love God, but fail to trust Him completely, exactly as they did their earthly father. 

People also relate to God as a child relates to a parent in many ways.  The abused child as an adult will relate to God as they did when they related to their parents when they were children.  If they felt that they were unlovable as children, they will struggle to believe God loves them.  After all, if a person’s own parents didn’t love them, how could anyone else, including God, right?  WRONG! 

Although it can be extremely hard to believe for a child of narcissistic parents, God does love you & He also forgives you for everything!  It seems impossible, but it’s true. 

If you are struggling in this area, the best thing I know to tell you to do is to get to know God even better.  I don’t care if you’ve been a Christian for 50 years, do it anyway!  Spend time in prayer, ask Him to talk to you then listen to what He says, read the Bible, read books, listen to Christian music.. whatever helps you feel closer to your Heavenly Father, do it.  The more you get to know Him, the more you will realize He truly does love you & forgive you.  Psalm 27:10 is one of my favorite Bible verses, & is an excellent one to remember.  It says that although my parents forsake me, God will adopt me.  Isn’t that amazing?!  Clearly He loves you so much more than you realize, & His love for you will never change!

God Plans Our Lives With Love

There is no denying that live can be exceedingly difficult sometimes. My readers know this as well if not better than anyone due to experiences with narcissists. This can make anyone wonder where was God during the abuse? Did He even care about what was happening to me? Does He really love me? The answers are He was right with you, He did care & was deeply upset about it & yes, He absolutely loves you!

I was considering writing my own post on this topic but found this one on an amazing blog that explains this topic much better than I can. I decided to share that post instead, & I hope it blesses you tremendously! The link to the post is below.

I did want to say one thing though… for years now, Romans 8:28 has helped me during the especially tough times & I think it may help you as well…

And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.

Romans 8:28 AMP

https://biblicalperspectivesonnarcissism.com/2022/01/13/gods-plan-for-a-purpose-of-love/

Ways The Spirit Of Fear Can Manifest

No matter how deep a person’s faith, we all make mistakes sometimes.  But, when a person’s actions don’t match their proclamation of faith more than they do match, it can be very hard to believe they are truly Christians.  In praying about this topic, God showed me some very interesting things.

A person truly can be born again, yet not act the part sometimes.  They can trust in the Gospel message, yet not trust that God wants to help them in their day to day life.

This can happen with someone who has serious health issues.  I once belonged to a traumatic brain injury support group online.  I wasn’t in the group long, because I noticed many members were intensely selfish, even ones who claimed to be Christians.  They weren’t obviously out to use & abuse other people like narcissists are, but clearly if something wasn’t about them, they weren’t interested. 

Christians also may not behave like Christians if they have a distrust of parent figures.  When a person was raised by at least one narcissistic parent, they most likely have a deep fear of all parental figures.  When you grew up with parents who were not only unsafe, but blatantly cruel & had no concern for your own needs, you will not trust God to be the loving father He claims to be in the Bible. 

Both of these issues can make even a Christian behave badly, & they both boil down to fear. 

Whether someone is sick, handicapped or raised by abusive parents, their core issue with God is they don’t trust Him.  When a person has serious health problems, they become self absorbed.  They suddenly have to consider their needs often & have to rely on other people to meet certain needs for the first time.  It can be very easy to become afraid of these needs not being met.

Or, they may feel that their earthly mother or father didn’t care about their needs, so why would anyone, even their Heavenly Father?  After all, He’s a parent & parents are selfish & don’t care about their children.  They fear others not being there for them or loving them, & often don’t even realize they feel this way.

When not confronted, fear can open the door for the spirit of fear.  2 Timothy 1:7 in the Amplified Bible states, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control].”  Considering this verse gave me some insight into why some professing Christians don’t act like Christians.  They function with a spirit of fear.

I noticed after surviving carbon monoxide poisoning I was heading in this direction.  I had no idea what to expect from my health, thanks to the doctors giving me no information.  I also realized quickly that I had brain damage.  I had to learn quickly what was happening.  The more I learned, the more afraid I got.  The more afraid I got, the more selfish I got & the more afraid I got & the cycle continued.  Thankfully joining the TBI support group I mentioned previously made me realize how I felt, & how that was not how I wanted to be.  I spent more time in prayer, got closer to God & changed my ways.  I also learned to accept & work with my health issues.

Maybe you know someone in a similar position.  Someone operating with a spirit of fear can be incredibly painful to deal with, I know, but before you end the relationship, please consider what I have said.  Talk to the person.  Maybe they will see the problem & make appropriate changes.  If not, they may be too consumed with this spirit of fear.  Pray for them, asking God to free them from this spirit.  Reassure the person you love them & are there for them.  Granted, some people are too comfortable in their dysfunction to want change.  Some folks are also narcissists who refuse to change.  But, the average Christian person who is gripped by fear may respond very well.  Give it a try!  You can help them & also your relationship with that person.

God Meets Us Where We Are

A phrase came to mind recently.  God meets us where we are.

What I mean is that God has ways to connect with us however & whenever reach us best at any particular time.  For example, when I turned my life over to Him, I was dabbling in the occult & witchcraft.  I was told the witchcraft I was interested in was based on the Bible, so since I wanted to be good at it, I figured I should read the Bible & learn.  What I learned first was God did NOT approve of witchcraft.  Then I learned about the love & saving power of Jesus.  Until that time, I had never opened a Bible or knew anything about Jesus.  I was taught that if you’re good you go to Heaven, bad you go to Hell, without even a real definition of what good & bad were.  I didn’t believe in God or if by some chance He did exist, I certainly wanted nothing to do with Him.  That was until I started reading the Bible for the first time.  That was the first time God met me where I was, even though it was a terrible, dark place.

There have been other times too, that He has reached me in some awful place.  During times of intense darkness & despair, He has given me signs that all would be fine by sending butterflies, a specific song began to play or I’d see a message by the side of the road that says something that felt as if He was speaking directly to me.  Every single time, those times have offered incredible comfort.  They strengthened me to keep pressing on, no matter how bleak things looked or how impossible things seemed.

I want to encourage you to know that God can do the same for you.  He will meet you where you are as He has done with me.  All you have to do is be aware. 

I realize there are people who don’t believe God speaks to people, that it only happened during Biblical times.  I can tell you from personal experience that isn’t the case!  He may or may not speak audibly, but He still speaks to His children all the time.  He may speak in the still, small voice spoken of in Kings 19:12.  He may speak in other ways, too & there are plenty of examples of that in the Bible.  God spoke to Moses in the form of a burning bush in Exodus 3:2, & to Job in the form of a whirlwind in Job 38:1.  He speaks often in dreams, visions & in the form of the Holy Spirit to the hearts of those who want to hear Him.  He used a dove to communicate to Noah & a donkey to Balaam.  He even sent a dove to the baptism of Jesus.  He speaks in whatever way the person He is speaking to will best recognize His voice.

God also gives signs as I mentioned.  Remember the story of Gideon in Judges 6?  He asked God to give him two signs that he had heard God’s voice correctly, & God did so.  For Gideon, that sign involved a fleece.  For me, as I mentioned, butterflies are a sign God uses to speak to me often.  Dragonflies are too. 

If you are currently struggling & unsure if you are hearing from God, then why not ask Him to help you?  Ask Him to help you to hear His voice better, to give you clarity & yes, even send you signs if you want.  He answered Gideon’s prayer when he asked for a sign, & since God is no respecter of persons according to Acts 10:34, He will answer your prayer.  Then, just wait for something special to happen!  When He speaks to you or sends you a sign, you will have no doubt it’s Him!

When Narcissists Say You Should Just Turn The Other Cheek

Narcissists with any knowledge of the Bible whatsoever, no matter how minimal, often portray themselves as all knowing on the topic.  They use their so called wisdom to help them abuse their victims.  One way they do this is by convincing their victims that if they are truly Christians, they will forgive & forget anything the abuser says & does to them.  They may mention how “real” Christians always turn the other cheek.  They refer to Matthew 5:38-39 to prove their point. In the English Standard Version, these verses say, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.” As usual, they take this completely out of context.  When these verses are said alone, without reading the rest of the chapter or at the very least, the surrounding verses, they do sound like you should simply forgive & forget, & tolerate abuse.  Nothing could be further from the truth, however!

Matthew 7:6 also in the English Standard Version says, “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.”  There are a couple of interesting points about this Scripture .  First, dogs & pigs are used to represent those who detest holy, sacred things in the Bible.  Second, giving these unholy ones things that are valuable & holy means they will turn on you & attack you. 

Doesn’t this sound like a narcissist when you forgive & forget?  When you forgive & forget, they don’t change their ways.  If anything, they get worse. They know they can do whatever they like without having to face any consequences. 

If a narcissist tells you that you need to forgive & forget or else you’re not a good Christian (whatever that means to them), then please remember this!  They are only saying such things to try to force you to tolerate their abuse.  It’s not true!  There is absolutely nothing good, holy or Godly about tolerating abuse, period!

What is good, holy & Godly is exercising wisdom when you must deal with narcissists.  Have & enforce good, healthy boundaries.  No, the narcissist won’t like that, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong or bad or whatever else they say you are.  By limiting or even eliminating their chance to abuse you, you are not only protecting yourself, but you’re also helping them.  They need to know there are consequences for their behavior, & they can’t always treat people any old way they want to & get away with that forever.  Boundaries also remove the opportunity for the narcissist to sin.  That is always a good thing!

It also is good, holy & Godly to remember what the narcissist has done.  Knowledge truly is power.  Whether you allow the narcissist in your life or cast them out of it, never forget what they have done!  Remembering it keeps you on guard against them & other people who behave the same way.  It also helps you to spot toxic people easily, so you won’t end up in other abusive relationships.  You also have knowledge that can help someone who doesn’t have that same knowledge.  You can give them such a gift by sharing that knowledge with them. 

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Inspiring Story!

I read this yesterday & thought it was worth sharing with you, Dear Readers. I hope you enjoy it! It’s the story of an atheist who turned to God after a near death experience. It is a long read, but worth every moment. I hope you enjoy it!

https://anewlife256599767.wordpress.com/2021/07/04/hey-yall-2/comment-page-1/#comment-9683

About Anger After Trauma

Often people who are very forgiveness centered seem to think that to forgive someone means that whatever they did to you no longer triggers any negative feelings. You will be completely immune to any upset on that topic.  For example, if your narcissistic mother constantly told you that you were fat, & someone else calls you fat, if you have truly forgiven your mother, some people think that means that this other person’s words won’t bother you in the slightest. 

I really don’t believe that is true.  You can forgive someone yet still be angered by certain behaviors.

Forgiving someone doesn’t always mean you have forgiven & forgotten what they did, & everything is now unicorns & rainbows.  Forgiveness can mean that you release any expectations on them of apologizing & trying to make it up to you for wronging you.  While doing this is a good thing, it doesn’t automatically release the anger or hurt you feel that their actions caused.

Even if you have managed to release all anger & hurt you feel at the person who has hurt or even abused you, their actions still can be very upsetting.  Let’s say for example you were robbed at knifepoint.  You have recovered from any physical injuries & have forgiven the robber.  Maybe you even learned he was out of work at the time & trying to get money to feed his starving children, so you felt some compassion for him with his plight.  Do you really think that all of this would make you ok with anyone robbing anyone at knifepoint?  No!  It definitely wouldn’t, because you know this behavior is wrong, no matter what the story behind it is.  You also know how it feels to be in that position, the terror & anger it stirs up in you, & wouldn’t wish that on anyone.  If you were in this situation & heard of someone else being through what you have, you naturally would be upset, no matter how much or little anger you feel towards the person who hurt you.

Honestly, I think it is not only normal to be upset by reminders but healthy.

Not being bothered by reminders of your trauma would mean you are desensitized to it.  How is being desensitized to trauma good?  It doesn’t help you, & may in fact hurt you.  If you’re numb to the trauma you experienced, that probably means that you have ignored it for a very long time rather than process it.  That is not even close to mentally healthy!   

Being desensitized to trauma doesn’t help others who have experienced trauma either.  If you think what they say was a traumatic experience wasn’t a big deal, & you tell them that, it will instill shame in them.  They will become ashamed of being so affected by something so “trivial”.  They will wonder what is wrong with them, why they were so traumatized by something that other people wouldn’t be bothered by.  They could begin to shut down & ignore their pain rather than deal with it.  Doing this could lead to a plethora of problems such as physical problems like high blood pressure, heart problems or digestive disorders.  It also could make them turn to substance abuse, shopping addiction or promiscuity rather than face the fact that they are hurting.

Dear Reader, please know that no matter how much you have forgiven your abuser, things that they have done will continue to upset & even anger you, & that is totally normal!  In fact, let the emotions motivate you!  Become an advocate against the type of abuse or trauma you experienced.  Talk about it, so people know that these things are wrong.  If you feel bold, write a blog or a book.  See what you can to do get laws changed so other abusers like yours will go to jail.  Good truly can come from those feelings, & remember, they aren’t proof that you are unforgiving or bitter.  Far from it.  They prove you’re a person with a wise & compassionate heart. 

Simple Ways To Improve Relationships

Recently, I thought of a conversation my husband & I had a long time back. I told him how my dear friend & one of my aunts had similar bouts with cancer. They both suffered with it I think a total of 5 times each, & each time, when it went to their brain is when they died a fairly short time after.

Both my friend & aunt handled their similar situations very differently.

My friend was always a very loving & compassionate lady with a deep faith in God, but she those traits became even more pronounced as her health became frailer. A few months before she died, she mentioned via an email how Jesus carried her through it all & how grateful she was for everything in her life. She truly was an inspiration! She was also always happy to talk to me & encourage me no matter what was happening in her own life.

My aunt, however, was a different story.

While she said she was a Christian, I have doubts. During one conversation,, she mentioned how no one should be so “arrogant” as to assume God only allows certain people into Heaven & not every single person, no matter their personal beliefs. She also was extremely judgmental. If someone didn’t have cancer, according to her, they had no real problems & she didn’t want to hear them whine. Several times, she was very critical & invalidating to me of my problems, whether they were serious or trivial.

For the record, these changes happened in both of them well before any diagnosis of the cancer in their brains.

Although both ladies have been gone for several years, I still remember very well how each woman made me feel. My friend made me feel very loved & like time spent with me was valuable to her. My aunt? Not even close to the same. She made me feel as if all I did was whine about petty problems & was too stupid to recognize the only problem of the world was cancer.

This got me thinking about how people should make others they talk with feel. No functional person wants to cause other people to feel unloved, unheard, invalidated or other awful things. Yet, this happens every day. With or without intention, people say & do things that make others feel unloved, unheard & more. Following are some things I learned from my dear friend that I think are extremely important.

When spending time with someone, it is so important that they know you are present. What I mean is don’t listen to them talk while scrolling through your phone, looking at the television or the clock. Make eye contact. Respond to things they say. Show genuine empathy & care if they are telling you about a problem.

If someone is talking, don’t try to make the conversation all about you. Even if you understand what they feel or have been in an identical situation, it’s not always necessary to say that.

If someone is telling you about a problem in their life, even if you don’t understand why they’re upset, don’t be an unfeeling jerk by shaming them for their feelings. Ask if you can help somehow. Say things like, “I’m sorry to hear that!” or, “That is so unfair!”

Don’t give unasked for advice either. Many times when people confide in others, they simply want to vent. They will ask for advice if they need it. If they don’t, it’s safe to assume they have a solution in mind, so why try to give them one? Wait for the person to ask before giving advice.

When a person leaves a conversation, they should feel as my friend always made me feel – loved & valued. Small actions like I mentioned can make that happen, so please remember to do them.

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About Praying For Abusers

Mathew 5:44 says that we are to love our enemies & pray for those who persecute us.  This really is a wonderful thing to do.  It helps you to release your anger at those people who hurt & even abuse you, which of course is a wonderful thing.  Anger is an awful burden to carry.  Plus, those who behave so terribly obviously need prayer because something is wrong with them. 

The problem is how some folks apply this verse.  Victims of abuse are often told they need to pray for the person who hurt them.  While that is true, telling someone that immediately after they have divulged their situation is probably the worst timing imaginable!

Someone who has suffered abuse really has a lot of issues to contend with.  Shame is usually one of those issues, since abusers often blame their victims.  Telling someone about it takes a lot of courage because of this, especially if the abuser & this other person know each other.  When someone does this & is immediately told that they should pray for the person who caused them such pain only adds to their shame.  Praying for that person isn’t what a person in that situation wants to do just yet, even if it is Scripture.  That can add to their shame because they are often told they’re “disobeying” God.

Telling someone in that situation to pray for their abuser is also very invalidating.  The victim’s pain is ignored & they are told to pray for the person who inflicted that pain on them.  It makes the victim feel as if they have no right to their pain, because praying for their abuser is so much more important.  A bit skewed true, but that is how that situation makes a person feel.

It also makes a victim feel like they are the problem, especially when they are still in the place of not wanting to pray for their abuser just yet.  It makes a victim feel like they are wrong & even un-Godly for not being able to pray for the abusive person.

Suggesting someone pray for their abuser too soon also can make a person turn away from God.  When you’ve been through an abusive experience & then tell someone, if that someone puts much more value on praying for the abuser than your pain, it can make you think God is that way.  He’s more interested in getting his way than your suffering or doesn’t even care about your pain at all.  No one should be made to feel this way, but it does happen, sadly.

Another potential problem this suggestion can create is anger.  Anger at God for wanting something that seems impossible.  Anger at people for preaching rather than offering gentleness & understanding.  Anger about the unfairness of feeling like the victim being assaulted while the abuser gets prayer.

Suggesting a victim pray for their abuser right away can cause that victim to be stuck in a painful, shame filled place.  Rather than push victims to pray for their abusers, they need compassion, validation & understanding.  They need love & security too.  Most of all, victims need time

If you look at Matthew 5:44 again though, while it does say we should pray for those who persecute us, it does NOT say we should do it right away.  I fail to see how there is anything wrong with focusing on healing for as long as it takes before praying for an abusive person.  In fact, I don’t think that should even be mentioned for a while to a victim.  They need to heal enough where they can hear such a message without anger or shame.  That sort of healing doesn’t happen quickly.  It takes time, & there is nothing wrong with that.  God truly understands these things & won’t be angry at a victim who can’t pray for their abuser quickly.

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Living With A Spirit Of Fear

2 Timothy 1:7 in the Amplified Bible says, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control].”  It can be so hard to remember that God has given us a healthy mind sometimes!  Having lived with many symptoms of C-PTSD for as far back as I can remember then almost all since 2012, there have been more times than not that I have doubted that very Scripture.  Clearly I’m not proud of that but it’s true.  Waking up during panic & anxiety attacks, the way sometimes anxiety runs roughshod over logic & the crippling agoraphobia I lived with for well over 20 years can make that happen.

If you can relate, then you too may be controlled by a spirit of fear as I have been.  There are ways you can identify if this is indeed the problem or not.

Do you have the urge to hide from everyone, even God?  Fear can become a self made prison, creating the urge to avoid everyone.  Most introverts are fine with plenty of alone time but even so, fear can make even the most die hard introvert spend too much time away from other people & become lonely.  It also can make even the most devoted Christian pray less & less.

Is your faith becoming weak?  If so, you may be living with a spirit of fear.  Fear can create a hindrance for believing in what God has to say.  It can make you think irrational thoughts such as all of those promises in the Bible aren’t for you, that God meant them for other people.  It can make you doubt the call on your life to the point of not following through with it.  It also can make you forget what you know the Bible says or what God has spoken to you.

Fear can consume your thoughts.  When fear takes over, all you can think about is the issue that makes you afraid.  You neglect relationships, doing a good job at work, caring for children & pets & more. 

Fear can skew your judgment.  Because fear is so tormenting & miserable, you can become desperate for a way out.  This means you may listen to people you normally wouldn’t listen to for advice. You may consider or actually do things you know you shouldn’t do.

If you can relate to these, then you may be operating under the control of a spirit of fear.  Don’t lose hope though!  You don’t have to live this way any longer!

To start, refocus on God.  Read your Bible more often.  Subscribe to a daily devotional or Bible in a year email.  Listen to Christian music that makes you feel close to God & do it often.  Ask Him for help whenever you feel fear.  And when you don’t, thank Him & ask Him to help you to live with this type of peace more often.

Consider your situation logically.  Ask yourself why this situation makes you so afraid.  Is there a valid reason to feel fear?  Can harm come to you or someone else?  Doing this can help you refocus & accept that there is no real reason to be scared.

Force yourself out of your comfort zone sometimes.  It really will help you to have more self confidence which will in turn reduce the amount of fear you feel.  When my mother died & I learned I was her personal representative, I didn’t think I could do it.  I had no choice though.  I legally couldn’t pawn the duties off on anyone else.  I literally had to force myself to do things that were miles out of my comfort zone.  I did them though.  I tried to reward myself almost every time I did something, too.  It didn’t have to be anything big.  I like driving while listening to good music so I would take a long route home & just enjoy the music.  Sometimes I picked up dinner rather than cook.  Pushing myself out of my comfort zone helped me to gain more & more confidence, & the rewards helped to cement good feelings in my mind.  Try to do the same!  Start small & do bigger, scarier things as you feel able, & don’t forget to reward yourself after for a job well done!

In time, you can stop living with that spirit of fear & start living with the sound mind that God has given you!

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Blessings Are Possible In Spite Of Narcissistic Abuse

Those of us who have suffered through narcissistic abuse know trauma, depression, misery & even what it feels like to consider suicide.  We have gone through such horrific events that it can feel nearly impossible to find any good in life.  Yet we are still blessed!  Not because of the abuse, of course, but in spite of it.

Victims of narcissistic abuse always feel weak in the midst of their suffering because they are powerless, but truly, they are strong.  It takes an incredible amount of strength to escape the abuse against all efforts of the narcissist to keep you in the relationship.  It also takes a great deal of strength to escape with no self esteem, & when you believe you aren’t able to survive without the narcissist in your life.  Having such strength, especially in spite of the narcissist’s efforts to destroy it, is a huge blessing! 

Victims of narcissistic abuse are also incredibly brave.  Narcissists aren’t always physically abusive.  They don’t have to be.  They can terrify victims with a simple look that can make a victim fear or their life.  Going against someone that appears to be incredibly powerful & capable of causing you great pain & suffering is extremely brave!  Being so brave is another huge blessing.

Victims of narcissistic abuse are very appreciative.  After surviving horrific abuse, victims have a different mentality than the average person.  Victims know how bad things can be & how cruel people can be.  They have learned to greatly value all of the good things in life.  Living life with an appreciative spirit is a wonderful thing that can bring a great deal of joy, & is another blessing.

Victims of narcissistic abuse are loyal.  When someone who claimed to love you abuses you to the point of destroying your personhood, it’s hard to trust other people.  Once a victim trusts someone & that someone is good to them, however, they are incredibly loyal.  Good people are exceptionally precious to those who have suffered narcissistic abuse.  Victims will adore & protect these people fiercely, which is why they often make wonderful friends & romantic partners.  Friend & romantic partners appreciate such loyalty, so again, this is another blessing.

Victims of narcissistic abuse who turn to God have an extremely close relationship with Him.  Of all of the things I have mentioned so far, this is the most wonderful one, in my opinion.  I saved the best for last.  In typical narcissist fashion, narcissists do their best to convince their victims to believe as they believe.  The narcissistic atheist expects their victim to share their beliefs.  There are also narcissists who know enough about the Bible to be able to twist Scripture around to the point of justifying their abuse.  Such behaviors often convolute a victim’s view of God.  For someone to survive this yet come away with faith on any level is impressive, but many have an extremely intimate relationship with God.  He blesses these people greatly, too.  Isaiah 9: 2-3 says, “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.  3 You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest, as warriors rejoice when dividing the plunder.” (NIV)  I can’t help but think God has a special place in His heart for those who have been abused, which is why He blesses victims in this way.

By sharing these thoughts, I’m not saying that any victim of abuse should be grateful for their traumatic experiences.  I am saying though that it’s good to look at these blessings in your life & be so grateful for them.  Be grateful that in spite of the narcissist’s best efforts, he or she couldn’t take these gifts from you.  And, be proud of yourself for surviving all that you have!  That, as you well know, is no easy feat!