How Narcissistic In-Laws Sabotage Their Relatives’ Marriages

When you marry someone, you not only gain a partner for life but also a new family.  While some in-laws can be a blessing, others can be a curse.  Narcissistic in-laws fall under the latter category, & their behavior always takes a toll on a marriage.  Today we will explore how narcissistic in-laws try to destroy their child’s marriage & the impact they have on that marriage.

For simplicity sake, we will refer to narcissistic parents, but the information also goes for narcissistic sisters or brothers in-law.

Narcissistic in-laws want to be the center of attention, & they will do anything to stay there.  When their child gets married, they feel threatened by the new addition to the family, unless they see that person as someone they can control easily.  They see their child’s spouse as a rival for their attention, & they will do anything in an attempt to get rid of them.  And, they don’t simply want this person gone.  They want it to appear that person was completely to blame for the failure of the marriage.  That way, they have a scapegoat to blame for anything & everything.

One thing narcissistic in-laws do is undermining their child’s spouse.  They will exclude them, belittle them, make negative comments about them, & criticize their actions, thoughts, beliefs, values & feelings.  They may also make false accusations, spread rumors, & do or say anything to tarnish their reputation.

Narcissistic in-laws also create conflict in their child’s marriage.  They meddle in their affairs, offer unsolicited advice, try to control their decisions & try to control the in-law.  They may also pit their child against their spouse.  They do this by treating the spouse poorly when alone with him or her & treating them well when there are others around so the spouse’s stories aren’t believed. They also tell them different stories.  Pitting the couple against each other is done to create confusion & mistrust in the marriage.  By doing this, they create the chaos & drama that they thrive on.

The impact of narcissistic in-laws is almost always devastating.  When someone is constantly belittled & criticized, it leads to low self-esteem, anxiety, & depression.  The constant conflict & drama also causes the couple to argue, lose trust in each other, leading to communication breakdowns, resentment, & often, divorce.

If the couple divorces, this reinforces their delusion of being the perfect family.  By blaming the failure of the marriage on the spouse, they prove to themselves that they can do no wrong.  They see themselves as the innocent victims & their child’s spouse as the villain, which further justifies their behavior in their minds.

Disturbingly, if the child married then divorced someone the narcissistic family approved of, like someone with money or status, no matter how badly they treated the narcissist’s family member, they keep in touch with that person as a way to prove to that person they are on his or her side.  Their relative becomes the scapegoat for the divorce in this scenario.  Narcissists want to align themselves with anyone they think makes them look good, even if it means betraying their own family members.

Dealing with narcissistic in-laws is incredibly challenging.  The first step is to pray.  When I began asking God for help in dealing with my narcissistic in-laws, I began to cope better with the situation until I was ready to go no contact with them. 

It’s also essential to set boundaries, communicate them clearly & enforce them. 

It’s crucial to maintain a united front with your spouse if at all possible.  Don’t let the narcissistic in-laws come between you.  Communicate openly & honestly with each other, & support each other no matter what.  If your spouse is unwilling to support you & sides with their family, then take care of yourself & get the support you need from God & supportive friends.

Remember, you have a right to a happy & healthy life & marriage, & to protect yourself & your marriage from narcissistic in-laws.