I recently read a wonderful quote from Jefferson Davis- “Truth crushed to the Earth is truth still, & like a seed will rise again.” As soon as I read this, I thought about how it relates to those of us who have been raised by narcissistic parents.
Many of us grew up in this toxic environment, learning very early that we are never to discuss the abuse going on at home, nor are we allowed to protest it. We also aren’t allowed to have or express feelings, wants or even needs. This results in growing up “stuffing” everything deep down inside & ignoring things, even pretending the abuse we endured wasn’t so bad. After all, others had it much worse, right? *sigh*
The truth is we do have needs, wants, & feelings. We also have been through unimaginable abuse. And, as Mr. Davis said, those truths will rise again.
There comes a point in your life where suddenly you no longer can “stuff” everything. You have to admit that you were abused, & that it did a great deal of damage to you. You also can’t ignore the fact you have wants, needs & feelings any longer. You want to be heard for the first time, instead of being treated as if you’re completely invisible. You also may get angry, very angry, that you have been treated in such a way.
At first, this is scary. You aren’t used to feeling anger or wanting to be heard. It feels very abnormal to say the least. And, the thought of discussing what happened to you at the hands of your narcissistic parent(s)? Terrifying! However, if you are at this point, I would like to say to you today to push on!
You have just reached a turning point in your life. It’s actually a very good thing, even though it may not feel that way at first. This is the point you start to realize you have worth & value, & you are not the terrible things your narcissistic mother said you were.
As abnormal as it feels, keep on healing, learning & growing. Work through your feelings of fear, & ask God to help you however you need that help. They won’t hurt you. In fact, the experience will make you stronger. You will become comfortable knowing you have the right to have your own needs, even if one of those needs is discussing what your narcissistic mother did to you.
Regarding discussing what happened with your narcissistic mother, by the way, I’m not saying that you have to discuss it with everyone, or write a book or even a blog like this. I am saying though that you don’t need to feel as if you’re hiding some dirty little secret, like her abusing you was something for you to be ashamed of. You have nothing to be ashamed of, but your mother has plenty. The shame of what she did to you is hers, not yours, so don’t carry it any longer! Put the shame back where it belongs- on your mother. Refuse to carry it one more day!
Dear Reader, lean on God. Let Him help you to heal & grow. He truly will, because He loves you so much & wants to bless you. You can get through this painful time, & will come out on the other side so much stronger, healthier & happier for it! xoxo
Cynthia Bailey-Rug, Christian Author 