Being a victim of narcissistic abuse is often a very shameful feeling. If the narcissist was our parent, we are often ashamed of the fact that our parent didn’t love us & that our childhood was so different than other kids’. If it was a spouse, that too is embarrassing because we feel stupid- how could we not know how bad a person he was? How could we be so stupid, we ask ourselves.
While feeling this way is understandable, that doesn’t mean it is right.
As the victim, you had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You are innocent. What was done to you was done because of someone else’s dysfunction, not because of anything you did. Damage was done to that person long before you came along. Nothing you did could have made that person do what was done to you.
As you are healing, rather than hiding your problems, why not discuss them? Be open with safe people as you feel able to discuss things. Again, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are damaged because someone deliberately hurt you. Would you be ashamed of yourself for having a broken leg if someone hit your leg with a tire iron? Then why be ashamed of having C-PTSD, anxiety, depression, etc. after surviving narcissistic abuse? You reacted normally to a very abnormal situation.
Talking about what you have experienced helps you & it also helps others. It puts a face to narcissistic abuse. It shows that the victims aren’t crazy, drama queens (or kings), or overreacting like so many people think. It also shows that narcissistic abuse can happen to anyone, no matter how intelligent or how strong they are.
I’m not saying it’s necessary to talk non stop about narcissistic abuse. That isn’t good for anyone to focus constantly on something so negative. I’m saying though to be more balanced. There is nothing for you to be ashamed of. You have nothing to hide. Don’t carry the shame of what was done to you for another day. That shame belongs on your abuser’s shoulders, not yours. Let him or her carry the shame & refuse to carry it any longer!