Being a victim of narcissistic abuse is often a very shameful feeling. If the narcissist was our parent, we are often ashamed of the fact that our parent didn’t love us & that our childhood was so different than other kids’. If it was a spouse, that too is embarrassing because we feel stupid- how could we not know how bad a person he was? How could we be so stupid, we ask ourselves.
While feeling this way is understandable, that doesn’t mean it is right.
As the victim, you had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You are innocent. What was done to you was done because of someone else’s dysfunction, not because of anything you did. Damage was done to that person long before you came along. Nothing you did could have made that person do what was done to you.
As you are healing, rather than hiding your problems, why not discuss them? Be open with safe people as you feel able to discuss things. Again, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are damaged because someone deliberately hurt you. Would you be ashamed of yourself for having a broken leg if someone hit your leg with a tire iron? Then why be ashamed of having C-PTSD, anxiety, depression, etc. after surviving narcissistic abuse? You reacted normally to a very abnormal situation.
Talking about what you have experienced helps you & it also helps others. It puts a face to narcissistic abuse. It shows that the victims aren’t crazy, drama queens (or kings), or overreacting like so many people think. It also shows that narcissistic abuse can happen to anyone, no matter how intelligent or how strong they are.
I’m not saying it’s necessary to talk non stop about narcissistic abuse. That isn’t good for anyone to focus constantly on something so negative. I’m saying though to be more balanced. There is nothing for you to be ashamed of. You have nothing to hide. Don’t carry the shame of what was done to you for another day. That shame belongs on your abuser’s shoulders, not yours. Let him or her carry the shame & refuse to carry it any longer!
4 responses to “Feeling Ashamed Of Being A Victim Of Narcissistic Abuse”
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I love the way you put things in prospective. You hit the nail right on the head every time. And you have probably already covered this (you know how my brain isn’t wired right so I have a tendency to forget things), but another reason victims have a problem talking about it is lack of trust. We are afraid to confide in anybody because of the many times that we have told our narcissistic parent things only for us to have it thrown back in our faces later. And usually it sounds totally different than what we really confided. I am sorry to go off topic and like I said, you are spot on with this post. I just thought I’d throw my 2 cents in.
Thank you. 🙂
That’s very true. It’s hard to have any trust when that has happened, especially over & over.