One year ago today my father passed away. It’s been quite a year to say the least. It’s also been a real learning experience.
When my narcissistic grandmother died in 2001, I gained a pretty good idea of what it’d be like to lose a narcissistic parent. When she died, I felt such a relief that the abuse was finally truly over, & the normal guilt that comes with that feeling. I went through a lot of anger & sadness things were as they were with her. I was prepared for that when my father died. I was NOT prepared for other things.
I was woefully unprepared for the constant inundation of attacks from flying monkeys who thought I should go see him & the incredibly cruel & stupid things they had to say in an attempt to force me to do their will. I also was unprepared for their dogged determination to get around all the blocks I had in place (on social media, blocking emails, phone numbers, etc). When they continued their harassment, I was stunned & frustrated that I couldn’t seem to get rid of these monsters no matter what I did.
I also didn’t expect to end up in a state of shock that lasted for months because of the flying monkeys, or that the shock would prevent me from experiencing any grief over losing my father.
I was also unprepared for the incredibly strong & constant need to pray for my father’s salvation at that time. I’d been praying for him for some time, but his final few weeks, I felt I had to pray often & hard about it & ask friends to pray with me. Thankfully, God answered those prayers, & I shared that story here: Some Recent Miracles That I Believe Will Encourage You
I also didn’t realize the lack of support that I would have. Truthfully, I’m only very close to a few people, but I do have a larger group of friends who I’m simply not as close to. In theory, I should’ve been surrounded by support at that time, but I really wasn’t. Those closest to me checked on me often, but those who aren’t as close to me didn’t. Only a couple even offered any sympathy when my father died. Yet, when my father in-law died last June, many of those same people offered their condolences to my husband, even ones who don’t know or barely know him. When this happened, it made me mad. I felt hurt. Why was his father’s death worthy of sympathy but not mine?! I finally realized.. it’s because they didn’t know what to say or do. They weren’t being hateful, it wasn’t that they didn’t care. They simply didn’t know what to say. Most people will avoid a situation rather than admit they don’t know what to say.
The reason I’m telling you these things, Dear Reader, is that if you’re facing the death of your narcissistic parent, you may experience similar things to me. The experiences I mentioned are very common among adult children of narcissistic parents. You need to be prepared for these things as best you can be.
I wrote a book about my experiences entitled, “When A Narcissistic Parent Dies”. If you’re interested, it’s available on my website at www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com