Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Narcissism
Tagged as abuse, adult, child, children, disorder, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic, parent, parents, personality
I’m so sorry you had to suffer such cruelty. It sounds like your mother was so terrified of you being your own person that she would go to any lengths to break you down and kill your spirit. When she physically assaulted you and you felt like she wanted to kill you, in that moment, my guess is that she probably did. Her efforts to control you and turn you into who she wanted to be were no longer working, and the mask came completely off.
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Thank you so much for your kindness & validation ❤
I think you hit the nail on the head about my mother with everything you said. I've thought very similar thoughts. She was certainly determined to make me into who she wanted me to be & I am grateful now that I fought it once I got older. Who she wanted me to be is pretty much the opposite of who I truly am. I would've been utterly miserable!
And the night she assaulted me, she almost wasn't herself. Her eyes turned jet black.. they looked demonic. If that isn't a mask coming off, I don't know what is!
The “jet black” eyes thing – I’ve heard that before. (FYI – I just did a “duckduckgo” internet search on “jet black eyes demonic”, and your other article was the 8th result.)
If you feel safe discussing, I’m curious to know – did the iris or normally colored part of the eye turned black? Or did the entire eye turn black? Including the sclera, or normally white part of the eye also turn black?
It seems to be fairly common with narcissists for their eyes to change color & usually to black. I’ve talked with a lot of people who experienced the same thing.
Oh cool.. I’ll take 8th result! 🙂 Thanks for telling me that!
Almost the entire eye. My mother’s eyes were dark brown to start, but they turned almost all black. I saw a picture that reminds me of how hers looked. The picture was of the guy in Colorado who shot people in a movie theater several years ago. When I first saw this picture of him, it disturbed me badly because of having seen my mother’s eyes look like this. Here’s the link to the picture:
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Yeah. Wow. This is so sad. I expected you to say that about the eyes.
I didn’t realize you would bring up the Colorado shooter kid. My heart is breaking.
I firmly believe the Colorado shooter kid was a victim. There is a thing caused “trauma based mind control” or “MK-Ultra”. It’s the idea of breaking the person down with so much with trauma, that their personality will break apart. And once that happens, you can remold them.
On a Micro level, I think this is what our parents did to us.
They didn’t want us to be individuals in our own right.
They felt threatened if we did so.
They used abuse.
They withheld their love, validation and approval until we would submit
Our parents only loved us IF we became what they wanted us to be.
I’ve never seen anyone else’s eyes look so much like my mother’s did as that kid. Much as true crime fascinates me, I can’t watch or read anything about him because of those eyes… takes me back to horrible times.
I’ve heard of MK Ultra but didn’t realize that is what it was. Wow! That’s horrific! It really is much like what our parents did to us!
I realized something strange about my mother several years ago. As hard as she worked to try to change me, she liked some qualities about me. I think that is why many narcissists try to change their victims. They like some qualities in their victims that they can’t possess, so they try to destroy them rather than allow the victim to “show them up”. It;s really sad & messed up!
They have to be “god”. They have to be in complete control. You cannnot have anything on your own unless it enhances them in some way.
The “black eyes” are demonic possession. But you already know this.
You can say that again. Not knowing what it was, it was terrifying. Now, it’s not as scary but very sad.
That picture of the black eyes is really creepy.
My father’s eyes glowed red. Literally, fire red, similar to how a cat’s eyes will glow when a light hits them just right. Only my dad’s eyes were redder, brighter, and there were no lights shining on his eyes.
I’m not the only person who saw the firey light coming out of my dad’s eyes. My mother saw it, and at least two other people that I know of, also saw it. My mother called it an orange light. But red, orange, whatever, it looked like fire and it was a terrifying sight.
My dad was the most evil and violent when his eyes were red. His voice, when he spoke then, was nothing like his normal voice. He sounded like pure evil talking. Afterward, my dad claimed not to remember any of it. He said he thought he had fallen asleep.
It probably did not help that his father, my paternal grandfather, practiced witchcraft.
Oh wow… that sounds terrifying! It had to be demonic!
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Yes, I believe so. I was twelve years old when I saw my dad’s eyes glowing fire-red. He had a gun in his hand, and I thought he had just killed my mother. (Long story.) I immediately went into shock.
My dad was arrested the next day. Then he went into a diabetic coma in the jail, and was taken by ambulance to a hospital. The ER doctor got my dad’s blood sugar under control, then ordered him to be transferred to the psychiatric ward. Ultimately, my dad was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder.
It’s hard to believe that my mother was even more abusive to me than my father, but she was. I never saw her eyes looking black or red, though. They just looked hard, cold, empty, and angry. Occasionally, though not often, her eyes looked broken. Like cracked gray glass.
Just heartbreaking! It’s a miracle you’re still here & doing as well as you are. Thank God you are still here!! ❤
Awww, thank you . I appreciate you so much.
I appreciate you too. ((((hugs))))
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