Coping When Gaslighting Happens

Gaslighting is an incredibly insidious, subtle form of abuse.  In time, it can erode a person’s ability to make decisions by destroying their trust in their own instincts, feelings & perceptions.  It’s evil & horrible, yet it also is seldom seen as such.

Once a person realizes what gaslighting is though, it feels as if enlightenment suddenly has taken place.  Things finally make sense!  This also is the time an abusive person who uses gaslighting steps up their game.

When this happens, the victim of gaslighting goes one of two ways.  Either they think they were wrong, their abuser is not gaslighting them & gaslighting isn’t a real thing or they become determined to fight back.  I truly hope those of you who follow my work are interested in fighting back!  If not, I hope you will be soon!

When a narcissist actively employs gaslighting, confronting them on their behavior is often a waste of time.  Rather than admit their abuse is wrong, they spin the situation around to make their victim look abusive, over sensitive & mentally unstable while simultaneously making them look innocent.  There are times when confronting them is necessary, but often it is best to avoid doing so.  During those times, talking to yourself can be very valuable because it will help you to avoid falling for their abuse.  Following are some helpful affirmations to tell yourself that can help you deal with gaslighting behavior.

“That is NOT how that happened!”  Narcissists love to reinvent the past, glossing over their bad behavior or flat out denying it.  Sometimes simply reminding yourself that what they say isn’t true is enough to keep you focused on the truth rather than believing their lies.  Reinventing the past is a coping skill many narcissists use, & it is their right to do so.  It also is your right not to join in on their dysfunction.

“My response to cruel, contemptible behavior is normal.  What is NOT normal is the fact you think that what you are saying & doing is acceptable & normal.” Narcissists try to make their victims feel like the problem, & that their reactions are completely wrong.  This is NOT true!  Remind yourself that their behavior is the problem, not your reaction to it.  Being angry, insulted, hurt, & outraged is normal in abnormal circumstances!

“Me wanting you to be accountable for your behavior doesn’t make me a bad person.  It makes me normal.”  Narcissists can’t stand being accountable for their behavior, & will do anything to avoid it.  Accountability isn’t a bad thing & people should be accountable for their behavior.  Only people behaving badly want to avoid it.

“My thoughts, opinions, needs, feelings & even my humanity matter.  Period!”  Narcissists try to make their victims feel as if there is nothing about them that matters.  They are WRONG!  Every single person matters, no matter what narcissists may think.

“No one can dictate how I feel & what hurts me.”  Narcissists are notorious for telling their victims how they think they should feel as a way to manipulate them.  This is so wrong!  No one has the right to tell any other person how they “should” feel. 

“God doesn’t love you because of how you treat me!”  Some narcissists use religion to justify their wicked behavior & many even try to twist His word around to justify their behavior.  This is extremely WRONG!  God loves the people He has created & it pains Him when they harm each other.  When a person sets boundaries with an abuser, that isn’t harmful to the abuser.  It is normal, reasonable behavior.

I hope these affirmations help you to avoid falling for gaslighting & cling to the truth instead.