Whether you are currently suffering at the hands of a narcissist or have suffered narcissistic abuse in the past, chances are you have questioned yourself. Whether they are questions like, “Was the narcissist right about me?” or, “How could I have not seen what this person was really like before we got married?!” I will guarantee you have had many questions. Pretty sure that is just a part of the experience of narcissistic abuse. After all, narcissists want their victims to question themselves & never the narcissist.
You can deal with those questions though & in such a way that it helps you to heal. If you’ve followed my work for long, you know I always recommend starting with prayer. I’m suggesting an effective addition to prayer, not a replacement for it. I’m talking about using simple logic.
Whatever your question is, I strongly recommend asking God to help you to see the truth about the situation before you do anything else. Then, consider your question not from any emotional standpoint, but instead one of stone, cold, logic. For example, let’s say you asked yourself how you could’ve missed the signs pointing to narcissism before you married your narcissistic spouse. Consider the relationship as if you were watching someone else in this situation rather than yourself. Are there any tell tale red flags of narcissism? And, what was known about narcissism at that time? If nothing, it is perfectly normal not to recognize the red flags. It is also normal to be swept off your feet by a narcissist. They are in their best behavior when in the beginning of a relationship. They can be so skilled at seduction that even one who knows a great deal about narcissism can cast caution to the wind.
This type of thinking is also very useful when it comes to the narcissist’s criticisms. Don’t think about how it makes you feel. Instead, ignore any emotions attached to this for a few minutes. Then, ask yourself what evidence there is that what this person says is true, & look at the situation objectively. Is there evidence that you are as terrible as the narcissist says you are?
How about when the narcissist tries to convince you that your friends & family want nothing to do with you? Is there evidence that this is true or is the only so-called evidence what the narcissist has told you?
By taking some time to pray, calm down, consider your situation without emotions to skew your thinking & look at it objectively, you can see the truth in the situation. The truth is incredibly freeing & healing, which is why that is the goal.
Also, when I say you should ignore your emotions while considering your situation, please keep in mind I only recommend it temporarily. Ignoring emotions isn’t a healthy thing to do for any length of time as a general rule. They don’t go away but instead manifest in unhealthy ways. Ignoring them for a very brief period of time to focus on truth & healing, & then dealing with the emotions once you learn what you need to know, is a healthy thing to do.