Excuses People Give For Not Believing Abuse Victims And Why They Are Wrong

People are often very slow to believe victims of abuse unless they have obvious signs of trauma, such as broken bones or bruises.  There are no such glaring pieces of evidence when a person has been abused verbally, financially or spiritually.  This makes it so hard for victims of narcissistic abuse to be believed.  Today, I want to discuss some of the common excuses people give for not believing victims, & explain why they are wrong.

“He/She is such a good person!  There is no way they could be abusive!”  Abusers craft an image of themselves specifically to make people think exactly this.  It’s very successful, because abusers make sure never to let their mask slip in front of people other than their victims.  Many people don’t realize this is how abusers operate & they believe the good person act.

“I’ve never seen them hurt anyone.”  Of course not!  Abusers save their worst behavior for when they are alone with their victim.  Abusing with witnesses would mean people would see abusers as abusive instead of a good person.  That is something no abuser wants to happen!  Plus, if others knew about the abuse, they might try to put a stop to it, which is something else no abuser wants to happen.

“But they’re a teacher/pastor/nurse/police officer/whatever.  They must be a good person!”  Absolutely NOT!  There are a lot of truly wonderful people who work in these helping professions, but there are also many narcissists in them.  Narcissists love such careers because people admire them for being such a good person & because they have power over others when they are in these positions. 

“They have nothing but good things to say about their kids.  Clearly they are a wonderful parent.”  Many abusers brag about their children, but unlike healthy, functional parents, it isn’t because they love their children or are proud of them.  They brag about them because they want people to see them as amazing parents, & how better to prove you’re an amazing parent than to brag about your child’s successes & talents?

“She is your mother/He is your father.  Parents always love their children!”  No, they do NOT.  In cases where their young children are murdered, parents are responsible over half of the time.  And, according to one statistic I saw online, about 450 children are murdered each year by their parents.  No, parents don’t always love their children.

“They were abused when they were growing up, so they can’t help what they do.”  If this was true, then almost every single person alive would be an abusive monster.  While it does happen sometimes that abusive parents repeat the abuse that was perpetrated against them by their parents, more frequently, victims grow up to be caring, kind people who love their children & try never to hurt them.

“You’re angry, & badmouthing this person because of that.”  Remember what I said earlier about narcissists crafting a false image of themselves as a good person?  Part of that image is to maintain a calm demeanor around people other than their victim.  They also will calmly drive their victims to the point of rage in public so when their victim becomes rightfully outraged, the victim looks like the problem.

“You two were just toxic together.”  People can be a bad match without abusing each other.  A bad match is very different than when someone abuses their significant other.

“They say you’re lying & they didn’t abuse you.”  As if any abuser readily would admit to being abusive.