March 2, 2013

Good morning, Dear Readers!  I hope this post finds you well today!

I had an “ah ha” moment last night.  Thought I’d share- maybe it’ll benefit some of you readers, too.

Lately, my hubby’s been in a foul mood.  Lots of stress plus he’s really missing our dog.  When he’s with me, I realize I’ve been feeling weird, like I have to just stay out of his way, & not bother him with any “trivial” aspect of my life.  I’ve been wondering what that’s about, but didn’t think much on the topic.  So last night he came home from his parents’ house in a good mood.  First time that’s ever happened since we’ve been together (18+ years).  I felt much more relaxed & my mood improved.

So while I couldn’t sleep last night & all was quiet, I was thinking about this & wondering what that was all about.  I prayed about it & immediately, I got my answer…

Growing up, I felt I had to be “invisible.”  Have no needs, emotions, not talk unless talked to, etc.  Only time I was allowed to not be was when I was needed by my parents, like when they had a fight & wanted my advice.  I had to be even more invisible when they were in bad moods, especially my mother.  I had to just stay out of her way.  Being invisible wasn’t too bad to me if they were in good moods, but bad moods?  I couldn’t be invisible enough!

I’ve taken this behavior into adulthood, into my marriage, without even realizing it.  So when my husband has been in a foul mood lately, I’ve automatically reverted into being extra invisible.  When his mood improved last night, I could relax some. 

I hope this all makes sense- I haven’t been sleeping well lately & am really tired!  I also hope & pray this helps other children of narcissistic parents.

Have a wonderful day, Dear Readers, & do something nice for yourself today!!