When Bad Times Happen With A Narcissistic Parent

Since I’ve said I’ll keep this blog real & not sugarcoat things, I thought I should share this.

As I’ve said, lately I’ve been feeling like I need to write for those who either can’t or won’t go no contact with their narcissistic mothers. I’ve been trying to be encouraging to those of you in that situation, & I firmly believe in what I’ve been saying.  But, this doesn’t mean bad times don’t happen sometimes.

Although things have been going quite well with my parents, Monday I was hurt by both of them.  It was my father’s birthday, so I wanted to call to wish him a happy birthday.  My mother answered the phone, & we talked for a while.  She seems to be trying to be nicer to me, I think because she realizes I’m pulling away as I always do when she gets nasty.  Even so, she still hurt me by talking with compassion & concern about a problem someone she knows has. Sadly, I’ve had the same problem for years now, & she doesn’t even care.  In fact, she obviously didn’t remember I have this problem.

Then, I spoke with my father.  He can be very pessimistic.  In fact, if you saw the movie, “Kindergarten Cop”, you may remember the little boy who, when his teacher said he had a headache, replied with, “It could be a tumor.”  That is who my father reminds me of sometimes- he can find a possible negative in most any situation.  He reminded me of my first car that is sitting in my backyard, waiting on restoration, & getting rustier by the day.  *sigh*  He told me I should sell her, which isn’t happening.  She’ll be restored somehow, & frankly, what business is this of his, anyway??

Unfortunately when you’re in a relationship with your narcissistic parents, times like this happen.  While the things I’ve written about definitely will help you, they won’t make everything perfect.  Bad times still will happen.  Please don’t be discouraged by these times.  They are going to happen.  They can’t be avoided 100%, unfortunately.

And, if you think about it, you’ll realize you are handling those bad times better.  I did.  I was hurt, of course, but I wasn’t devastated by Monday’s call.  The suggestions I’ve been making & putting into practice for myself- boundaries, looking for the positive, improving self-esteem & leaning on God most of all- have helped me a LOT.  I have no doubt they’ll help you as well.

I know being in a relationship with a narcissist isn’t easy, especially when everyone tells you to just walk away.  But, if this is where you feel you need to be at least for now, or you are unable to walk away, please be encouraged.  God will enable you to do what you need to do to protect your mental health!

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3 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism

3 responses to “When Bad Times Happen With A Narcissistic Parent

  1. Well said Cynthia. Those who keep saying “Just walk away” may not know your NM. Some get very angry and vindictive and if you do as these people say, you may find yourself with even worse problems. These people are not above lying to other family members or even the authorities to punish you. Mine used my children and the fact that I cried a lot after my husband died. She once called S.S. and told them that my daughter (2 tears old at the time) always had a dirty face just to get me back. And yes, they came to my house and though the report was proved ‘unfounded’ (that’s how they put it instead on innocent), I have a record for life that they came to my house. That is the problem that I find with those who say that no contact is the only way. Maybe it is for them, but they are not the ones who have to accept the consequences of some of us who have listened to them. And that is just one example of what mine did because I listened to someone who said to just walk away and ignore her.

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    • That is very true. Not sure there is anyone more vindictive than a narcissistic mother, & yours is certainly proof of that. It never fails to amaze me the depths they will go to to hurt their own child.

      I was fortunate- when I went no contact with my mother for a few years, she actually respected it & didn’t try to hurt me or contact me. She left me alone. Not everyone is so fortunate.

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