One thing I learned in the relationship with the narcissists in my life, in particular my mother, is that I am nothing but a screw up. My writing was never taken seriously. In fact, my mother told me once it’s “nothing but a waste of time.” She told my father that “no one wants to read that trash I write.” I’ve also heard comments like all I do is play on the computer all day, & even been laughed at when I mention working (as if being an author isn’t a job). I always heard, too, how I never did enough for anyone, & am too selfish. My mother used to tell me that to have a friend, I had to be one, & by that she meant do anything for others & let them use me. I had so-called friends who would get very angry with me if I wasn’t available when they wanted me to be or do whatever they wanted me to do. These narcissists also always made sure I knew that I was wrong because my personality was very different than theirs, I liked things they didn’t like or I disliked things they liked. They liked to either say outright or imply that I was crazy for such things. My mother’s favorite phrase was, “You need help” (implying I was in need of psychiatric help) accompanied by a pitying look. She even threatened to have me committed many times. (Interestingly, she never once sought counseling for me, so started counseling on my own at 17).
All of these things were devastating to my self-esteem. I’ve wasted so much time thinking I was a complete & utter failure in every possible way- a terrible friend. awful girlfriend then wife, lousy pet mom, & even a lousy author. Depressing doesn’t describe how this felt. But, I’m sure I needn’t tell you this if you too have been subjected to narcissistic abuse. You know all too well how this feels.
There is good news though! You can be healed from this pain & dysfunctional way of thinking! Philippians 1:6 says, “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:” And, 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” (KJV)
God’s word is very true! I gave my life to Jesus in February, 1996, & from that moment, I began to change & heal. God has been healing me from all the abuse in my life since then, & definitely has made me a new person. The wounded old me who was convinced she was crazy, worthless, stupid, & more is long gone. Thanks to God, I am healing daily, & have no doubt I’ll never return to that miserable, dysfunctional mess I once was. I may not be totally free of low self-esteem, but it is now much better than it once was & continues to improve.
God can do the same for you. All you have to do is trust Him to take care of you, & He will. He loves you so much & wants to bless you. He wants you happy & peaceful. He wants to heal you from the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse. He certainly has done so for me. Sure, I still have a long way to go, but I also was extremely damaged. God, being the gentle, loving Father He is, heals me little by little, as I am able to handle it. He’ll do that for you as well- only give you what you can handle, as you can handle it.
Are you willing today to claim God’s promises for your healing?