Like I said in my last post, I realized how incredibly verbally abusive I am to myself. My narcissistic mother has always been extremely critical of me, as have the other narcissists I’ve been in relationship with. As a result, I copied their behavior & became very critical of myself. Unfortunately I think this is quite normal for survivors of narcissistic abuse.
As I said, I was berating myself a few days ago for my anxiety levels being so high, even though it’s a normal part of C-PTSD. In fact, many other times, I have told myself I’m stupid, weak & a failure for having C-PTSD. I have said similar things to myself for other reasons, such as for being depressed after losing someone I love or even being sick.
Does this type of self-talk sound familiar to you? If so, then like me, you need to put a stop to it! This kind of talk is abusive! It is basically continuing the verbal abuse of your narcissistic mother! Why do that?! Didn’t she do it enough?!
No one deserves such vicious abuse, but especially from yourself. Absolutely nothing good comes from it! Only bad. This sort of verbal abuse devastates & can destroy your self-esteem. It adds to a root of toxic shame.
I realize it’s probably such a habit, you do it without even noticing. That’s how it’s been with me. I’ve noticed it some times, but never thought much about it until the other night. If you haven’t really paid attention to your own self talk like me, then I urge you to start now. And, if you discover your self talk is bad as mine, then it’s time to start showing yourself some compassion for a change.
I’m sure making changes in self talk isn’t easy. It’s just something you’ve always done, talk to yourself that way. Even so, I think paying attention to it & changing the negative words into more accepting ones is doable. It seems to me it should be a matter of quitting a bad habit & turning it into a good one by showing yourself the same understanding & compassion you show other people. It will require focus & patience with yourself.
Also, ask God for help as well. He will help! He always does!
Do you have other ideas? If so, I’d love to hear them. Feel free to post them in the comments section or email me privately at CynthiaBaileyRug@aol.com
Cynthia Bailey-Rug, Christian Author 