Miserable People Are Often The Most Abusive

Have you ever noticed how miserable narcissists are?  It seems like the higher on the spectrum a narcissist is, the more miserable that person is.


I think this is because narcissists do not have the skills or wisdom to know what to do to improve their situations.  In typical narcissist fashion, rather than try, they opt to make others just as miserable as they are or gain attention for their misery.


If you think about the narcissist in your life, how many times were you in a good mood, then that person did or said something that sent your mood rocketing downhill?  I bet that has happened a lot.  It has with me.  Narcissists cannot stand seeing other people happy, especially if they are unhappy.  If they can make you unhappy it makes them feel good, because they have power over you.  If they can control your emotions & have a strong effect on you, they think they must be powerful.  There is also the simple fact that they enjoy causing pain.  Making you unhappy is a win/win for the narcissist.


Narcissists enjoy misery so much, they even will cause their own misery.  I bet there are many, many narcissists unhappy in their marriage partly due to their own making.  Many times, my parents came to me complaining about the other & how miserable they were together.  Yet, when I saw simple changes they could have made to improve their situation, they refused to do those things.  They would say that was a bad idea, make excuses why it wouldn’t work or say things like, “I do too much already!  I’m not doing that for him/her too!  He/she is the one who needs to change!”


My late ex mother in-law used to tell me about her own mother, “She’s not happy until she’s miserable!”  That seems to be the same case for narcissists.  If they’re miserable, they can garnish sympathy, concern & attention.  If they appear to be a victim, then they also can gain pity.  And, if they can make you as miserable as they are, that’s an added bonus.  All of these things provide them with narcissistic supply.


When the narcissist in your life tries to ruin your good mood or trivialize your good news, just remember these things.  They are simply looking for narcissistic supply.  Do your best not to let them have it by remembering what they are up to.  That can help you keep your joy.  If they are miserable, that is their problem, not yours.



Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

9 responses to “Miserable People Are Often The Most Abusive

  1. CK

    All the yes! I was married to one and this pattern started emerging at my busiest times that he was suddenly unavailable to be any help and it would cause me so much unneeded stress. And when I was successful, he would become so hateful. I never could wrap my mind around it. Now I understand clearly what was happening and why. It’s disgusting and sad.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. This blog is music to my ears! It’s the story of my life with my NPD husband.
    Thank you very much for sharing the truth❤️

    Liked by 3 people

  3. ibikenyc

    What’s “a good mood”?

    My world, and welcome to it / Life With Mr. Happy.

    Seriously, thank you VERY MUCH for pointing this out. It seems SO obvious now but, as with most of what goes on with them, it’s anything but in the moment.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ugh.. what a life you have with “Mr. Happy”.

      I really think they live for that.. if they can keep us baffled or overly emotional (like by constantly hurting us), we can’t figure things out. It makes us confused & easier to control.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote

    My mother did this, the last time we talked on the phone. As I’ve mentioned before, I was No Contact with her and it had been years since we had communicated in any way. But then she sent me a lovely card with a sweet message and her cell phone number, and I thought “maybe she has changed in her old age.” So, like a lamb being led to the slaughterhouse, I called her.

    She spent most of the first several minutes bringing me up to date on all the woes in her life, and also filling me in on all the problems that have been happening in the lives of her flying monkeys, with whom I have also been no contact for years.

    Finally she paused and asked me how I was doing. And I told her, very honestly, that this is the best my life has ever been.

    I could almost feel her shock and dismay, from more than 600 miles away. Clearly, my answer was not what she had wanted or expected to hear. Me, her number one scapegoat, the one she had kept in misery for as long as she possibly could, was now HAPPY?!?

    That was when she said the worst, most evil, vile, projecting, crazy making, verbally abusive thing that she has ever said to me in my life. She just could not stand the thought of me being happy for one second longer, apparently.

    But today, I am even more contented in my life than I was last August when I made the mistake of calling her. Living well really is the best revenge. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m following your blog can you please follow mine? I was raised by a narcissist, please read my story.
    “My SouL cries” ~
    PART 3 ~ https://wp.me/paI9nk-d4
    PART 2 ~ https://wp.me/paI9nk-dh
    PART 1 ~ https://wp.me/paI9nk-eC


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