Have you ever noticed how people love to put other people in a box? People don’t like to deal with topics outside of their comfort zone, so if you discuss those topics, you are told you’re too serious, too negative, too bitter, dwelling in the past, etc.
I’ve experienced this quite a bit first hand. When people find out what I blog & write about, many people feel free to open up to me about their own narcissistic mother or former spouse. But many other people are immediately uncomfortable. “You need to let that go. I was hurt by my parents, too, but I let it go.” “Why don’t you focus on more positive things?” “The past doesn’t have any bearing on who you are today, so why talk about it?” Statements like this are very frustrating, invalidating & hurtful!
People are so uncomfortable talking about abuse in any form! Victims are supposed to forgive & forget, to understand that their abuser is a wounded person which is why he/she hurt you so you can’t be angry. Victims are the ones who are supposed to do all the work- all of the forgiving & understanding, while the perpetrator gets off scott free. No one confronts most abusers, especially narcissists. Instead, many people insist on silencing the victims or denying abuse ever happened, especially if the abuser is a family member.
If you have been abused, I encourage you to talk about it! Break the silence! Talking about your story releases its power over you. It also helps to raise awareness of the signs of abuse, & the symptoms of someone being abused. Telling your story also encourages & helps others who are suffering in silence, possibly even giving them the courage to open up about their pain.
This is how I started to heal- talking on a message board & meeting other women who have experienced abusive mothers. This lead to me healing & learning more & more, & gaining strength. Eventually, God graced me with the ability to speak openly about what I have experienced, which has helped quite a few other daughters of narcissistic mothers. I now know that speaking about narcissistic abuse is what God wants me to do, to raise awareness of this insidious form of abuse & to help others heal. So now when people tell me to be more positive, stopliving in the past, etc., although it may hurt a bit, I ignore them. Writing about what I write about is a calling, & I am blessed to be able to help others with this calling. 🙂
Don’t let other people dictate what you talk about. If you feel the need to share your story, then by all means, share it! Blog about it, write a book, speak to groups, whatever you feel you need to do. However, when you do, know it may be difficult. Speaking about such intimate details, especially when you have been scared into secrecy is scary at first. But remember- this is your story & you have every right to share it as much or as little as you wish.
If you are looking to share your story in order to heal only, which is a great first step, then I strongly encourage you to be wise with whom you share it. Oddly, most people closest to us are also the ones who are the least supportive in these situations. You may be better off finding a caring therapist, support group or even an online group. I don’t understand why it is, but strangers who have experienced similar situations are often more validating than those closest to us.